Putting a child in school for "social benefit?"

[AuntPol]

I had a friend link this blog post to me when I was pondering what the peer interaction experience would be like for my son if we pulled him out of school. I like how it turns the question around and brings up other, equally important considerations to the "socialization" issue. http://motherbird.squarespace.com/motherbird/2013/8/17/what-about-solitude.html

 

 

The blog post was a beautiful but ultimately lacks substance is an attempt to put a bunch of pretty words to justify the socialization problem that many homeschoolers face. It really comes across as homeschoolers are introverts with strong character and unique personalities and all public schoolers are extorverts with shallow conforming characters.

 

I went to public school for K-12. I had way too much quiet time though. After school, weekends, and summers often found me alone for significant amounts of time and it was not good. I am an extrovert and while I need solitude to decompress and cherish my alone time, I don't feel that need to decompress as often as an introvert like my husband. If I find myself alone too much then I slip into depression and my daughter is the same way only she needs more interaction (and I needed more when I was younger). Once or twice a week is not enough time for me to recharge my batteries at all.

 

I can be alone. I can make time to be alone (and try to do so though hard with kids). I can cherish my alone time. I am creative (though not crafty). I mull things over. is there any mom here who feels they can't do these things because they went to public or private schools?

 

That said, in a typical homeschool situation, there is rarely true solitude. There is usually at least one parent in the house and more often than not siblings. Because of my family situation (divorced parents and sister always in hospital), I was often more alone as a public school student than most homeschoolers ever are truly alone. I also find that homeschoolers do not like to stand alone within their group. I have watched so many sheep runs every year because some new book, speaker or something says something is godly or ungodly and suddenly everyone jumps on board without any form of critical thinking. People tend to "non-conform" in predictable patterns.

 

I see this as an introvert/extrovert thing more than a public school/homeschool thing (and obviously written from the viewpoint of an introvert who doesn't understand extroverts). Every single thing she said with her pretty words can be done by public school children with no problem.

[briansmama]

And that is NOT to say that everyone should homeschool. I don't think that homeschooling works for everyone and I feel so sad when non-homeschoolers and homeschoolers are not supportive of each other's decisions. We have to all make the decision we think is right for our own families. For those who are on here who tried it and it didn't work, you are not a failure. Every child is different and every family is different and every situation is different. What works for some doesn't work for others. And there ARE good schools out there. Some are even quite excellent even though a lot of homeschoolers have not had that experience. Blessings to all.

I agree. My Dh reminds me that it wasn't that homeschooling didn't work for us, it just was time to let ds try school, after giving him a wonderful foundation by homeschooling him until 4th grade.

[sunnyday]

I see this as an introvert/extrovert thing more than a public school/homeschool thing (and obviously written from the viewpoint of an introvert who doesn't understand extroverts). Every single thing she said with her pretty words can be done by public school children with no problem.

 

Exactly. But the socialization question is usually asked by extraverts who don't understand introversion, or by culturally assimilated introverts who feel uncomfortable with their introversion. Also, surely even extraverts can benefit from learning to be alone with their thoughts (the type of person who gets itchy to pick up the phone and call a girlfriend if it gets too quiet) just as introverts can benefit from learning to interact confidently in groups (even if they need to retreat and recover afterward)?

 

I just thought it was in interesting thought experiment. My son is currently in public school and does get a decent amount of downtime, and I don't feel like I quite meet his needs for social interaction when he's home for summer break, etc. But if whether we pull him or leave him in school, do we need to worry more about filling his schedule with peers, or about carving out his personal time? Focus on one seems to ignore the other, I guess, but both concerns have merit.

[Pen]

I mentioned this to a friend whose children go to PS and she said it was a terrible reason. The kids sit in desks all day, have only one, short, recess, and are so burdened with homework that they can't play with each other in the evening.

 

Emily

 

 

This.    Possibly the OP's friend has a school for her son that would be different--and that would be a different call if so--but around here, what you describe is typical.    Here the school is like the structured sports and so on: there are lots of people, but not much chance to socialize and it gets less as they get older, with a very few clubs, sports, and so on being an exception.

 

Where we are, by law, homeschool children whose std. tests meet certain levels, are allowed to join local schools for certain activities like sports, and also can take one class (though the transport may be trying for a parent to do that).   If that is true where you are, it could be another option to have part participation in a school.

 

OP, Does this affect your own ds if hers ends up gong to school?

[MinivanMom]

snip

 

That said, in a typical homeschool situation, there is rarely true solitude.

snip

 

 

This was my thought as I was reading the blog. I had a lot of solitude as a child attending public school, but there is very little solitude in our homeschooling household. I have two children who are strong introverts and I have to work hard to protect their solitude.

 

I was one who thought staying out of school would be a huge social benefit until I actually experienced other homeschoolers. Over time we have gravitated toward more public school friends, because my kids have more in common with them. I have watched my oldest gravitate toward girls like herself - highly intelligent, over-achieving extroverts whose passions are ballet and music. Most of her friends attend either one of the super-expensive private schools or one of the downtown gifted magnets (neither of which are an option for us right now). She has never had a close homeschooling friend. We aren't necessarily thinking of putting her in school at this point, but I really appreciate all of the thoughtful comments from those who have made that choice. It has given me a lot to think about.

[MinivanMom]

I agree. My Dh reminds me that it wasn't that homeschooling didn't work for us, it just was time to let ds try school, after giving him a wonderful foundation by homeschooling him until 4th grade.

 

Beautifully put!

 

Before I began homeschooling, I really thought we were going to be homeschoolers.

 

Over time I've come to see homeschooling as an educational method we are currently choosing. My goal isn't to be a homeschooler; my goal is to educate my children well. Homeschooling isn't who we are; it isn't our lifestyle. It's just our educational method. We currently choose to homeschool our three school-age children, because right now the benefits of homeschooling outweigh the negative aspects. If that balance ever shifted, I wouldn't hesitate to put that child into a brick & mortar school.