Teenager party politics - how much to help? What advice to give?

[momofkhm]

My 16 yog wants to have a bonfire.  Chili and then fire.  It won't be an actual bonfire.  Our house and yard are no conducive to that.  It will be a fire in a store purchased fire pit.  It will be smallish and manageable.  Not enough room for everyone to get close enough to stay warm.

 

She told me the guest list.  Relatively small.  Now she is asking about inviting others.  I'm not at all concerned about the number of girls.  It's still about 10.  No biggie there.

 

She asked about inviting C, even if older sister isn't there.  No big there.  Invite C.  C is actually older sister's friend.  But C is an awesome young lady and fits in everywhere she goes.  That and C is friends with 16 yo and many of 16 yo's friends.

 

Then I asked what about inviting older sis (have to bring her home from college)?  Yes, but then J will only talk with sis and completely ignore everyone else.  We were at an event recently with 16 y, sis, C and J (and others too).  J only spoke to sis until sis left.  Then she spoke with others.  This was a recent event, but it happens all the time, even before sis went to college.  The thing is J is 16 yo's friend.  And sis can only take her for about an hour.  So what to do about sis and J?

 

Then 16 yo want to invite G.  Fine.  But if she invites G, she thinks she has to invite B.  B doesn't fit well with dd's other friends.  (Although I think B did fine at dd's birthday party.  DD says it was because there were a lot of people there.)

 

But I'm fine if she invites all these girls!  They are all nice girls and the overall number isn't bad.  It's just who fits with whom.  Party politics.  We never really outgrow them do we?   :huh:   

 

 

[kewb]

I'm sorry but your party problem is too much like an algebra problem and is making my brain hurt.

 

Bottom line-your dd should invite who she wants and to heck with politics.  Let the chips fall where they may.  Then again, I may be a bit beef-witted today.

[Tap]

My theory....invite them all or keep it small!

 

My DD has certain groups of friends.  These groups do not cross.  That is just the way it is. At her age, DD doesn't want to play hostess all night at her own event, she wants to enjoy the party .  When there is too much of the same situation "B doesn't fit well...." then dd has to shift into hostess mode and miss her own party. 

 

 

Invite the group that works or invite enough people that everyone will be comfortable.   As far as the sister, be honest that J will be there and ask her opinion on attending.  If she has been away at college, I am sure sis has gained some skills in the 'brushing clinging people off' area of life.  

 

 

Otherwise, invite everyone and have her plan to hostess a bit, making sure people are comfortable and mixing well.