Do you think it's possible to teach moderation to a kid?

[fairfarmhand]

My oldest is a very driven young lady. She's very focused and determined.

 

However, the downside is that she has no understanding of moderation. Left to herself, she would spend all day in front of a computer emailing and chatting with friends. Every day. She;s had her Iphone taken away for a long time because for months, she was not present with us in the house, but was constantly texting and goofing off with it. We hoped it was a "new toy" phase, but after awhile, gave up on the idea that she would learn to moderate it on her own.

 

She;s like this with many things, but the most irritating things are about her computer/phone/media usage. If she is not out of the house, she wants to be on the computer. She is not interested in other projects or reading or just puttering around the house.

 

Is it possible to teach a child moderation?

 

I feel slightly ridiculous telling my 15 almost 16 yo to set a timer, but otherwise, she would always be stuck in front of a screen.

 

PS...no, I seriously don't think she's depressed. (usually that comes up in these types of conversations) She's always been like this about various things. As a young child, she would get stuck on certain things and not want to do anything but that one thing. For years, I had to moderate her eating, or left to herself, she would eat until she threw up. Now that she's older and doesn't want to gain weight, she finally understands the health reasons to moderate eating. If she gets a dvd set, she will want sit down and watch the ENTIRE thing over the course of a few days. 

[KungFuPanda]

You might have to give her well-defined screen hours. "Before breakfast and between 7 and 9 p.m." After that, just collect the phone and turn off the Internet. She'll dig in her heels like a giant toddler (I have my own 16-year-old) but she will find something else to do.

[fairfarmhand]

You might have to give her well-defined screen hours. "Before breakfast and between 7 and 9 p.m." After that, just collect the phone and turn off the Internet. She'll dig in her heels like a giant toddler (I have my own 16-year-old) but she will find something else to do.

 

yeah, this is kind of what we've been doing. It feels like I am babying my teen..but otherwise, she;s going to be a giant bug-eyed, one dimensional drone.

 

I wish that she'd somehow find a way to moderate herself. I despise being the media police and of course, she does dig in her heels and have angry tantrums over our limits. I'd love to give her phone back, but I'd then be back to her checking out on us for hours out of the day.

[bolt.]

Many adults have trouble moderating screen time and other activities that feel engaging and satisfying. If your dd has this issue, she will likely need the skills to struggle with herself for many decades to come.

 

So... Don't baby her... But do guide her (with some firmness) into the kind of lifestyle skills that people with her temperament will need on an ongoing basis. Require her to research possible strategies. Require her to give each one a phase if implantation and evaluation, and make sure she is open to trying more than one strategy -- have consiquences if she won't make a plan, stick to it, or analize its results in a fair minded manner (that's your side of it: guiding her in solving her problem). Don't encourage her to rely on 'being parented' as a strategy... That's not a strategy that fits the situation.

[fairfarmhand]

Many adults have trouble moderating screen time and other activities that feel engaging and satisfying. If your dd has this issue, she will likely need the skills to struggle with herself for many decades to come.

 

So... Don't baby her... But do guide her (with some firmness) into the kind of lifestyle skills that people with her temperament will need on an ongoing basis. Require her to research possible strategies. Require her to give each one a phase if implantation and evaluation, and make sure she is open to trying more than one strategy -- have consiquences if she won't make a plan, stick to it, or analize its results in a fair minded manner (that's your side of it: guiding her in solving her problem). Don't encourage her to rely on 'being parented' as a strategy... That's not a strategy that fits the situation.

 

this is good.

 

However.

 

She is oblivious to the "checking out" that she does. She sees no reason why she shouldn't sit in front of the screen each day for hours. I've tried. Then I get. "I wasn't on the computer THAT Long. You're exaggerating." "What else am I supposed to do all day?" when I list out the possibilities, the response is "But that's boring." IOW, she won't find alternatives to filling her time unless there is no choice. This week, I banned all the kids from the computer. She's had a friend over, ridden horses, played the piano alot and currently, she's downstairs baking. She can enjoy other things, but she doesn't see them as enjoyable unless she has no alternative.

[bolt.]

Those sound like your first few teaching points! Good job at identifying your starting point for this "curriculum"...

 

1. Why exactly it is detrimental to allocate plenty of daily hours to screen time recreation.

 

2. Other things that you would like to allocate hours to, and their benefits.

 

3. How to get the computer to tell me exactly how long I have been on for.

 

4. How to otherwise be aware of times and durations.

 

5. How screen time changes the brain and turns other things "boring" and why she may want to live in a way that helps her enjoy more kinds of things.

 

6. What plans have people made to keep themselves away from this trap? What helpful apps and programs are available? How would I like my online experience structured?

 

7. Self-talk scripts I need to get myself out if the zone (once I'm in it).

 

That sounds like (what?) 2 or 3 weeks of lesson plans and learning activities? Perhaps with no resumption of screen time until plans are in place?