Another "is your partner still attracted to you" thread...

[BakersDozen]

womanintheshoe, on 02 April 2013 - 11:06 AM, said:

 

So what if a dh only says his wife is beautiful when he wants teA? This is something my dh did and we had a bit of a "discussion" about it. It offended me greatly and made his words mean little since they were spoken only because there was something in it for him.

 

?

 

You mean so what if a husband compliments you when he's feeling attracted to you and he wants to spend some intimate time with you?

 

Yes, that is what I mean. As one PP said, it is normal for a guy to do that, but for me, it is upsetting. But then my history is such that a man's compliment meant a come-on and nothing more; men (including my dh) didn't see me, they saw my body (5'11", 125 pounds, tennis player, double D...you get the picture). Now if he complimented me without a gleam in his eye I would believe his words, but when his interest is simply toward the bedroom, I'd rather not hear it. Which is what I told him.

 

Honestly, since he stopped complimenting me I am more comfortable with who I am and how I look, oddly enough. I don't feel like a sex object, don't feel pressure to look a certain way or live up to a certain word ("beautiful" is a hard thing to attain for some women, no matter how much make-up they wear, lol).

 

I don't receive compliments well at all. Stems from childhood when I was seriously ugly and yet adults tried to compensate by saying how pretty I was. Liars, all of them, and their words made me even more self-conscious. My dh (whom I've known since high school) knows my history and understands why I feel as I do.

 

I'm sure I am totally in the wrong by asking him to not tell me I am pretty or whatever, but truly it has released a huge amount of tension in me and hence in our relationship. Nothing made me feel less sexy/attractive than him saying I am sexy/attractive. Strange, huh?