ASD kids (or those who fixate easily) and cultural holidays ie Easter Bunny

[Tap]

DD6 is pdd-nos (most like Aspergers). One issue we struggle with is the fixation on concepts, ideas, rules, and 'things she was told to be true'. This causes trouble with things. Last week it was leprechauns and now I worry about the Easter Bunny. At school they made leprchaun traps and she insisted on bringing it home (the kids were supposed to keep them at school but she insisted on bringing hers home). I told her repeatedly that leprechauns don't come to our house, but she insisted that xxx told her they would, so she could bring her trap home and the leprechaun would leave sparkly green trails and prizes in the trap if they thought it was a good trap, but had escaped. Every day she came home, and found no leprechaun in her trap, nor green sparkles or prizes. She had several behavioral issues over this because xxx told her it was true. It didn't matter what I said. This happens often with her. It seems like the first thing she hears, is the truth and nothing else matters.

 

Once I told her they didn't visit our home, I couldn't go back on what I said and play along. That would reinforce her believing other people over what I tell her. She doesn't understand the social conventions to let other families follow their own path on telling these secrets. She would not be able to play along, once she knows the truth.

 

If I tell her 'leprechauns don't exist', and if it actually sinks in (past the stories she had been told previously) she will go screaming it from the roof tops and tell all the other kids. She likes to share these types of things with other people. I don't want to ruin the fun for other kids, so I walk this fine line between telling her the truth and playing along.

 

Now it is the Easter Bunny. Today she asked me if there is a person in the Easter Bunny suit, or if it is a real bunny. (Someone told her it was a giant 'real' bunny.) We do play Easter Bunny and Santa, but we don't try hard to conceal it and told our other kids when they asked for the truth about it .... which happened for them about her age. I answered "I think there is a person who plays the Easter Bunny, but other people believe there is a real bunny, so you will have to decide what you believe." She chose that there is a real bunny. I was honest with her, but I didn't really address what she was asking, which was if the EB was real or made up. (based on the whole conversation, not just that question).

 

If you have a child like this, how did you handle being honest with them, but still protecting the other kids who are likely going to get told the 'truth' before they are ready? How do you get them to accept your answer over some belief they have latched onto?

 

Any Advice?

[Hwin]

I tell my son the truth and explain that other people like to pretend. AMAZINGLY he has not spoiled Santa for anyone yet.

[thebacabunch]

I feel you! Totally btdt. I don't have advice, just understanding.

[sewingmama]

My DD is like this. I have no answers except that each year I try to keep her believing so she doesn't ruin it for everyone else. As she has gotten older she is improving slightly at being able to hold in those truths. I'm hoping by the time she is 20 I can finally stop trying to get her to believe LOL

 

(In other words I have no idea either except when I overhear her starting to spill the secret to another child I distract her and interrupt the conversation quickly LOL)

[Kathryn]

We told our ASD son the truth about all the made up holiday characters (including tooth fairy). We made a big deal about how parents like to do it for their kids and since he knew, he had to be a big boy and not tell. He hasn't yet. And he's chosen to go along with pretending though he knows the truth, so we all still get to have the fun.

[Orthodox6]

I tell my son the truth and explain that other people like to pretend. AMAZINGLY he has not spoiled Santa for anyone yet.

 

We did the same thing. No problem with our Asperger's son. None.

 

In fact, we did the same thing with all of our children. No problem with them, either.

[Murmer]

This is so timely! We had the EXACT same problem with the leprechaun thing! It was hard because one of her goals is real vs make believe but how do I tell her what happened at school and her teacher said was "real" was make believe because then she won't believe the other things her teacher tells her. Really frustrating! So for now we are just reinforcing what happens at our house and that some thing happen at other people's house but not ours.

[Kathryn]

This is so timely! We had the EXACT same problem with the leprechaun thing! It was hard because one of her goals is real vs make believe but how do I tell her what happened at school and her teacher said was "real" was make believe because then she won't believe the other things her teacher tells her. Really frustrating! So for now we are just reinforcing what happens at our house and that some thing happen at other people's house but not ours.

 

 

This is exactly why we decided to tell DS. We wanted to tell him before he "found out" and then doubted everything we tell him. We wanted to emphasize that it's something grown-ups do to help children have fun, that it's not quite the same thing as lying because the reasoning behind doing it and the expectation of eventually finding out are different than in purposely trying to hide something or deceive someone.

[Tap]

Thanks for the support and advice everyone!

 

I guess it is just something I need to try to not stress over for the next two weeks, and be thankful that it won't come up again until next Christmas! LOL

 

Thanks again,

It helps to know I am not the only one out here dealing with these situations.