Helpful warning- teen angst/hormones/etc and what to do

[TravelingChris]

I took too long and I hope I haven't done my dd irreversible harm. I bought into the whole teen angst/moodiness etc. because of hormonal changes and basically waited too long to get her help. She has been seeing a psychiatrist since August and here she is in January, still not okay since it takes a long time to get the right medications at the right dosages in the right form. SInce early Dec, we have the right medication but not at the right dose yet and currently with a delivery system that isn't working the best. Meantime, she is now 16, in 10th grade, and we are behind.

 

How did this happen? Well first I thought it was normal that she was unhappy since she moved along with normal teen hormonal stuff. Of course, I should have realized that she wasn't doing so well before we moved but she hid it welll by doing very well for others. Then we had sleep issues which were resolved after a visit to a sleep specialist. Then we tried one medication with her primary doctor and that was a collosal failure- for four days it worked wonderfully and I had my old dd back and then catastrophe and she felt no emotion and totally dead. We had to stop it and started trying to get appointment with a child psychiatrist. No normal psychiatrist wants to see teens and many don't even want to see very young adults. Well then phone tag started and I couldn't get anyone to see her. Finally I decided to go off the network and pay myself and then get reimbursement. By then I had to wait another two months to get her seen. In the meantime, little schoolwork is getting done. Then we start with one med, then another, then another. Each medication takes about three to four weeks to try and if they don't work, you have to go on to another. So that is how we get to mid January and still no solution. On top of this, it may well turn out that she is ADHD inattentive, which didn't make too much of a difference when she was little and working with me all the time but now it does.

 

So what do I want others to know? Normal teens may be somewhat moody at times but bad moodiness and irritability are things to be investigated. My dd had irritability as her primary outward sign with apathy as a second sign. Many kids with depression aren't sad- they are irritable and apathetic or some other manifestation- too much sleeping or insomnia, eating problems, etc. but not the sadness that often accompanies adult depression.

 

What I worry about are all the kids out there whose parents don't have enough money to pay for the psychiatrists and the drugs. These are kids who could have their lives be very successful if they get their brain chemicals corrected but whose lives will not be well if they don't.

[jillian]

:hugs: I've been there myself, I had extreme depression and fairly high mania, though without some of the necessity to make it classical manic states, so I'm diagnosed with bipolar, type II, rapid cycling. It's hard and until the meds stabilize it's going to be a rough road. I feel so sorry for the stress I placed on my family. Watch her closely too because as you come out of that deep depression and you feel better but not 100% is the peak time for suicidal actions/thoughts/ideations. I will pray for y'all on this path.

[dbmamaz]

My daughter's main symptoms have always been being really mean and rude to me and her brother. But i had her in therapy starting when she was 15. that therapist was useless. She ended up in the hospital, she refused the med her brother was taking and the one they tried made her manic. We found a med doc when she got out, who tried a similar drug that made her manic. that doc suggested a new therapist who suggested a new med doc, who tried a new med - which seemed to have given her fibromyalgia. so she refused any more meds and was just continually hating me. She moved out to a bf in another state the day she turned 18, came back a few mo later, seemed to be doing ok, and then totally fell apart these last few mo, suicide attempt and breaking apts. She finally moved in w my mom after just totally cussing me out and threatening me .. she's convinced that i'm the reason she's crazy.

 

she's 20 years old ... she wont even call the insurance company herself . . . she's totally worn me down.

 

so hard . .. I really hope it goes better with your daughter. Mine actually managed to keep up the academics - she was in community college most of the time

[swimmermom3]

Christina,

 

Thank you so much for bringing this topic to the table again and I am so sorry for what you, your dd, and your family are going through.

 

It is unlikely that you have caused your dd "permanent damage," and you are doing everything you can to help her healing. Teen depression and anxiety can be difficult to spot as you mentioned because they often don't play out the same in teens as they do in adults. It is easy for us as the adults in their lives to put the edginess and the apathy down to hormones and especially for girls, a love of drama. A severe change in sleep patterns is often indicative of a larger problem.

 

Your description of trying to find the right medication at the right dose is very similar to our experience.When you ask a pediatrician for a psychiatric recommendation or a counselor recommendation, they may have one or two names, but will often tell you that if you find someone who works, please let them know. There are still so many gray areas in the treatment for teens and young adults and it is no fun being part of the grand experiment.

 

For those of you that read Chris' post and feel like you are watching a train-wreck from afar, I would ask you to suspend judgement. Depression and anxiety can happen to the most stable-looking kid in the most stable family - in other words, it can happen to anyone. Have compassion, but not condescending pity. The road can be a long one and a family and patient that is experiencing the depression can withdraw from a lot of their former activities and friendships. Be patient. Check in and offer to meet for a cup of coffee. Keep what is told to you in confidence, to yourself. Please don't offer advice or judgment if you haven't walked the road. "I would never medicate," may be fine for you, but could literally be a death sentence for someone else's teen.

 

For those of you who are living with a depressed teen or adult - :grouphug:

 

Be kind to yourself. Be patient with your teen and their treatment plan. Listen to your gut, if the counselor makes you uncomfortable, if the new medication seems to make your child more anxious, then act on what your gut is telling you. Keep an eye on siblings. A long battle can mean that siblings can fall through the cracks. Get help when needed. Know that others have been there and are rooting for you.

[Faithr]

We are going through a rough time with my 14 yo and having trouble with meds, etc. It is so hard at times. Luckily our pediatrician recommended an excellent psychologist who then recommended an excellent psychiatrist. So I do feel we are in good hands, though I think a lot of this is art rather than science. I too thought it was just hormones, and it was but as it was explained to me some kids are vulnerable and when that hormonal storm hits, they just can't weather it.

 

Parenting can be heartbreaking.

 

[TravelingChris]

And it is hormonal to an extent= depression, like many other diseases, gets worse in the pre menstrual period. Why my rheumatologist doesn't get that I always get worse in that time with my RA, I don't know. But RA, MS, epilepsy, diabetes, depression, migraines, asthma, and probably a lot more conditions are affected by hormone levels.

[Barbara H]

I'm sorry for all you and your daughter have gone through. You are doing a good thing by sharing it.

 

I agree it is a really important message that depression can look different in kids and teens. Our culture does oversell the idea that unhappiness is the norm for teens and that can make it more difficult to realize when kids need help.

 

Take care!

[Cynful]

I might add also to not feel badly about having to medicate. I fought medication for a long time before finally trying it for my son and I wish so badly that we would have started it earlier. This thread has even encouraged me to speak with his psychiatrist about needing either something different or a high dose. I'd give anything to have my old son back. He's come a long way and we are doing well but there is definite room for more improvement.

 

Thank you to each of you sharing your story. I had no idea so many others were going through this as well. I have tears welling up from reading each post.