Jewish wake etiquette

[love2read]

A friend's mother just died. They are Jewish, go to temple occasionally and are more cultural than practicing in their faith (e.g., my friend is an agnostic, but still goes to temple a few times a year and their son is preparing for his bar mitzvah.) Please advice me on what to expect and what to do as I've only been to one Jewish wake in the past and there was almost no one there so it was very relaxed. This one is sure to have many people as they are more prominent in the community. Also, I normally wear a black skirt and lighter colored shirt to wakes-are there any "don'ts" when it comes to dress?

[Library Momma]

Are you sure it's a wake and not the funeral?? Usually there are no wakes associated with Jewish funerals. At least I've never heard of such a thing. Your outfit sounds fine either way.

[tabrizia]

Are you going over while the family sits Shiva? It really depends on the family how it works out there. There is no wake at Jewish funerals.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

They are probably sitting shiva, which is not exactly the same as a wake. Usually it is held at the home of a family member of the deceased. Orthodox Jews have lots of rules and traditions for sitting shiva, but it sounds like this family's shiva will be more like paying a simple condolence call. Your black skirt and light shirt should be fine. There are usually hours announced. Take a sympathy card.

[tabinfl]

Here is a web page with some good tips: http://www.myjewishlearning.com/life/Life_Events/Death_and_Mourning/Burial_and_Mourning/Shiva/How_to_Make_a_Shiva_Call.shtml

 

If there is a basin and water by the front door, use it to wash your hands before entering the house (especially if you have come from the burial)

 

If you want to take food and are not sure whether or not they keep kosher, whole (uncut) fruit is a safe bet -- plus it keeps well and makes an easy snack.