PIE! Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 I'm not much of a conversationalist to begin with. When bad things happen to people, I feel for them, but I haven't got a clue what to say or do. I end up just being awkward. I've got a friend whose husband just left her and their kids. I know she is looking for support right now, and doesn't have much in this city. I'm going to go see her because I know she needs friends, but WHAT DO I SAY? WHAT DO I DO? I'm really clueless, but I want to help. I know she doesn't need any advice, just comfort. But I really have no idea how to give comfort. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 I would say, " i am so sorry, that really sucks." In my experience people res4pect that kind of honesty. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 I don't think it matters what you say (other than not harrassing people, obviously). Just be there. Listen. Offer help where you can. I think we offer feel awkward because we want to be able to say something that will make it better, but there isn't anything. Mostly, when someone feels abandoned by someone they love, they need to be heard and loved anyway by the friends who are still there. It's fine to say "I wish I could say something to make this all better, but I don't know what that is. I love you and am so sad you're going through this, but I know you will get through and will help you wherever I can." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PIE! Posted September 30, 2012 Author Share Posted September 30, 2012 I would say, " i am so sorry, that really sucks." In my experience people res4pect that kind of honesty. I don't think it matters what you say (other than not harrassing people, obviously). Just be there. Listen. Offer help where you can. I think we offer feel awkward because we want to be able to say something that will make it better, but there isn't anything. Mostly, when someone feels abandoned by someone they love, they need to be heard and loved anyway by the friends who are still there. It's fine to say "I wish I could say something to make this all better, but I don't know what that is. I love you and am so sad you're going through this, but I know you will get through and will help you wherever I can." Thank you! I really appreciate it. Especially the specific words I can say. I really have a hard time coming up with actual words. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IsabelC Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 In that situation I think there's nothing wrong with being honest. Tell your friend that you care about her and want to be there for her in this difficult time, and ask what you can do to help. She might want practical support (eg you look after her kids while she deals with legal/financial stuff) or she might just want emotional support (eg a shoulder to cry on). Don't worry too much about being awkward; she will understand and appreciate your concern. (Remember the saying about 80% is just showing up!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 "I'm sorry," works wonders when one does not know what to say otherwise. Also listening with an appropriate facial expression is a nice thing to do. You are a good friend for caring so much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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