delaney Posted September 23, 2012 Share Posted September 23, 2012 (edited) NM Edited September 23, 2012 by delaney Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momma2three Posted September 23, 2012 Share Posted September 23, 2012 The constant nitpicking and passive aggressive behavior just makes her sound kind of unhappy. Why on earth do you think she sounds mentally ill from the above description? Why does every behavior people don't like have to have a diagnosis? It's, sadly, more common than not for people to not really believe or to decide that bad experiences weren't really so bad, which sounds like what she's thinking about your cousins. It's sad, but this is the reaction many SA victims face. Buying your sister a car with the money they had pegged for her 4th year of college sounds unfair to everyone else that didn't get a car, but I can see how it made sense to your parents. I get that you're looking for an answer that will fix her or justify why you don't have a great relationship, but armchair diagnosing her is not the answer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
besroma Posted September 23, 2012 Share Posted September 23, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delaney Posted September 23, 2012 Author Share Posted September 23, 2012 The constant nitpicking and passive aggressive behavior just makes her sound kind of unhappy. Why on earth do you think she sounds mentally ill from the above description? Why does every behavior people don't like have to have a diagnosis? It's, sadly, more common than not for people to not really believe or to decide that bad experiences weren't really so bad, which sounds like what she's thinking about your cousins. It's sad, but this is the reaction many SA victims face. Buying your sister a car with the money they had pegged for her 4th year of college sounds unfair to everyone else that didn't get a car, but I can see how it made sense to your parents. I get that you're looking for an answer that will fix her or justify why you don't have a great relationship, but armchair diagnosing her is not the answer. Sorry my post has you so ruffled. I am not trying to armchair diagnose her but it simply occurred to me reading the other post that she might actually be "something". Something I could try and educate myself an to either cut her off or help understand her. I was looking for opinions, not a lecture. Thanks anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delaney Posted September 23, 2012 Author Share Posted September 23, 2012 I don't know about personality type, but it sounds like she needs a job, a career, or a serious hobby. She's got way too much time on her hands if that is all she can talk about. Ha! That could very well be the case! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kroe1 Posted September 23, 2012 Share Posted September 23, 2012 :grouphug: Luckily, now you are an adult and can grow past your mother. Do not dwell on the past and move on. Parents do not treat all kiddos the same, whether they intend to or not. If you like her, see her; if you do not like her, then do not see her. I would not waste time analyzing the past unless you need a new hobby. That is what I would do since you asked. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted September 23, 2012 Share Posted September 23, 2012 :grouphug: Well, that is certainly disrespectful behavior, and I would definitely set some boundaries as far as what you will accept from her, but... There are a lot of mean, disrespectful people in the world who don't have personality disorders. And they suck. More so, when they are a close family member. In any event, boundaries are important. It is up to you to decide, and communicate, exactly what you will and will not tolerate, and then act accordingly. The difference in NPD is that your boundaries will be categorically ignored, and often the only way to enforce them is to completely cut off contact. There are a number of us who have come from the place of uncertainty to the place where there is no doubt in our minds that our family member has a personality disorder (I think "character disorder" is the more accurate term). There are many who just have family members with bad personalities or dubious character. Either way, there is a lot of experience in dealing with "difficult" family members here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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