dsmith Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 Lately I feel like we have hit a brick wall in the way ds and I interact. I don't know how to deal with a 13 year old that thinks that he is completely equal to his parents in authority, can't see his own behavior but has no problem pointing out other's behavior, and is just argumentative and unmotivated. I'm not even sure being his teacher as well as his parent is what is best at this time, but know that he absolutely cannot handle going back to school. I've thought of paying someone to come work with him for two hours a day, but the stranger element only results in good behavior for a few months at best, not that he ever gets very nasty with non family members. I don't really know what I am looking for in this post beyond a chance to vent. I know adding to things on my end is the upcoming anniversary of my mom's death, and I feel like I am reliving her last month in my thoughts. This doesn't put me in a very good state to deal with an angsty just-hit-his-teens-and-needs-to-test-my-authority aspie. Sigh..... On top of this, his video game behavior is pointing to future problems with video game addiction issues which I know will be difficult to deal with. I just need to make it through the next month before I can emotionally handle dealing with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suzziesnowflake Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 I am not sure if it will help with your situation but I recommend the book "Have a new teenager by Friday" or "Have a New Kid by Friday". It is a quick read. This book gave me a way to handle and react to my son. It also pointed out some of the things that I was doing wrong as a parent. My son went through the same things as yours and the good news is that it does get better. I am really very sorry about your mom. Maybe someone working with him other than you is what the both of you need until you can work through your grief. I would give the both of you a break and give you some breathing room to figure out what to do next with him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dbmamaz Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 all i have is sympathy! my daughter and I barely spoke between ages 11 and 17, and she came swinging at me once when she was 15. But she's about to turn 20 and its so much better! Ok, she still has some attitude problems, but i've learned to not take it personally, and i see her blossoming in to an amazing young woman, so its ok if sometimes she's just a b!%ch. Walking away . .. .important skill. Oh, and my husband (her step-father) laughing at her outrageous behavior (behind closed doors of course) helped me cope, also Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsmith Posted August 28, 2012 Author Share Posted August 28, 2012 Thanks for the book rec. I will definitely check it out. I'm going to let him spend some time this week with my mil so I can sort my head out. I don't even care so much about school - I just need some breathing room. It will probably be good for both of us.:001_smile: I am not sure if it will help with your situation but I recommend the book "Have a new teenager by Friday" or "Have a New Kid by Friday". It is a quick read. This book gave me a way to handle and react to my son. It also pointed out some of the things that I was doing wrong as a parent. My son went through the same things as yours and the good news is that it does get better. I am really very sorry about your mom. Maybe someone working with him other than you is what the both of you need until you can work through your grief. I would give the both of you a break and give you some breathing room to figure out what to do next with him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsmith Posted August 28, 2012 Author Share Posted August 28, 2012 Thanks for the sympathy! Tonight, while he was in the middle of a big meltdown, I walked out of the house with dh and left him with my fil. I was so worried about how he may act out with fil, but when we came back it was as if nothing happened.:tongue_smilie: I know I need to take some big steps back with him and let him work through things on his own. I struggle in this area sometimes. He reminds me so much of my brother, but after some major struggles my brother turned out ok eventually. all i have is sympathy! my daughter and I barely spoke between ages 11 and 17, and she came swinging at me once when she was 15. But she's about to turn 20 and its so much better! Ok, she still has some attitude problems, but i've learned to not take it personally, and i see her blossoming in to an amazing young woman, so its ok if sometimes she's just a b!%ch. Walking away . .. .important skill. Oh, and my husband (her step-father) laughing at her outrageous behavior (behind closed doors of course) helped me cope, also Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suzziesnowflake Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 Good for you! One of the suggestions in the book is to say it once and walk away. Don't argue and play into the drama! Ohh, I struggled with this SO bad because he would push my buttons! I would just go into the other room and shut the door or outside and water my flowers, what ever it took. It took a while but he now realizes that I am not going to argue and if he wants to express his thoughts he need to do it in a tone that was respectful. :D Every once in a while he has a slip up but I just go back to saying it once and walking away. You can literally see the light go on above his head! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brownie Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 I totally feel for you. My Asp is not even 12 yet and we have very similar issues! With a counselor we've come to understand that much of this is normal teen behavior, but of course there are pieces making it worse...like no filter whatsoever on what he chooses to say to us! Brownie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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