creekland Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 I was afraid this would get buried in my RIP thread, so started a new one. If you missed part one, please read about it here: http://forums.welltrainedmind.com/showthread.php?t=407689 I want Emmanuel's death to have some meaning, so here's an update as to how he died - in case any of our kids can learn from other's mistakes. Middle son got more info from friends in Rwanda. Emmanuel had been swimming with friends and his sister. They were ready to leave when his sister suggested just one more swim. He dove in. No one thought anything about it. He hit his head on the bottom (autopsy showed bleeding on the brain) and drowned (cause of death). His companions just assumed he was staying down longer, so didn't worry right away. By the time they worried it was too late. There was even a lifeguard there, but that person didn't see/do anything either. Apparently 4 people have died in that pool. It's too shallow for diving, but tell that to teenaged boys. An ironic thing? Emmanuel was planning on trying out for the swim team at UR. We had a discussion (not lecture, but discussion) about pools, diving, etc. Middle son told me teen guys were doing the same thing at a birthday party he went to last Friday even though there were plenty of signs saying "No Diving." I don't know that the pool in Kigali had signs, but kids are kids everywhere. It could have happened to anyone. We can't change the past. We need to learn from it. It's sad. I really, really feel for his sister (not Patricia - the other sister). She must be tormenting herself with whys and what ifs. They were going to be leaving except for her suggestion of one more swim. My prayers are really for her right now. What we're going through is nothing in comparison. We have no contact with her - heard this all from other friends and there was a newspaper article they sent. Life is getting better, but it still is heartbreaking. May the heartbreak not happen to anyone else from such a thing as this. And that's why I wanted to give an update... for anyone sharing his story (in the other thread) with their kids, it might mean more to help them be safe in their future. They are not invincible - even if they want to try out for the swim team - and watch their friends carefully when swimming. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted July 17, 2012 Author Share Posted July 17, 2012 Here's a link to the newspaper article, but you might need a translator. We did... http://umuseke.com/?p=39300 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shea Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug: My heart goes out to everyone involved. Yes, diving can be dangerous. I knew a boy back in school (way back) who was paralyzed from the neck down after diving into a pool. My kids have heard that story more than once. I'll be sure to tell them of this family's tragedy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kareni Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 It's such a heartbreaking story. My sympathies to you and your family. Regards, Kareni Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jibaker103 Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 Oh my what a heartbreaking story. I worry to no end about my son when I see his friends and other kids clowning around in the pool. Thank goodness that ds stays far away or even gets out when it starts happening. I wish other parents were more diligent with their kids as far sending them to the pool without parental supervision. My heart and prayers go out to you, your family, and the family of that young man - a life taken way too soon! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 Oh my what a heartbreaking story. I worry to no end about my son when I see his friends and other kids clowning around in the pool. Thank goodness that ds stays far away or even gets out when it starts happening. I wish other parents were more diligent with their kids as far sending them to the pool without parental supervision. My heart and prayers go out to you, your family, and the family of that young man - a life taken way too soon! :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted July 17, 2012 Author Share Posted July 17, 2012 I really find it ironic that he can survive the genocide, cholera, famine, and savagery of looting and war. He can survive hiking for miles and living off what they can find. He can survive in a country without welfare or regard for kids. He can make something of himself in spite of all he went through - to be named one of the top in Africa - then fall to a diving mistake like this - a mistake many teen boys (and others) make, but one that proved that it is, indeed, a mistake to assume one can do shallow water diving. And I'm going to miss him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rockala Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 Ohh I am sure you are going to miss him, he sounds like such a survivor to have this happen, how very very tragic considering it all. It serves as a reminder to me to warn my kids again as I have in past summers. And they both are on swim team. I do not think it really matters though if you can swim when you dive shallow :grouphug:. I am sorry for your loss, Kathy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NittanyJen Posted July 18, 2012 Share Posted July 18, 2012 I find it very confusing that all the pools in our league have 'no diving' warnings, but they all teach the kids to dive in swim lessons and do head first diving starts (8' water) during swim meets, then tell the kids, no diving outside of lessons and swim team. As someone who only had 1 semester of lessons in college, I think the double standard is a weird thing for them to expect kids to use good judgement about adhering to as a safety issue-- shouldn't they either teach them yes or no... 8' is either deep enough or not deep enough (I say not) for diving? Kids don't just stay at the pool in front of lifeguards all the time. Yes, I will strangle my kids if I ever catch them doing any of the dumb things we did as kids, but I tend to think that if they do ever sneak off to try anything dumb, they are more likely to stay safe if they were trained with more unambiguous guidelines. I may not have had lessons, but I had a handful of do-or-die rules, including no diving into water unknown, opaque, or less than xx depth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted July 18, 2012 Author Share Posted July 18, 2012 I find it very confusing that all the pools in our league have 'no diving' warnings, but they all teach the kids to dive in swim lessons and do head first diving starts (8' water) during swim meets, then tell the kids, no diving outside of lessons and swim team. As someone who only had 1 semester of lessons in college, I think the double standard is a weird thing for them to expect kids to use good judgement about adhering to as a safety issue-- shouldn't they either teach them yes or no... 8' is either deep enough or not deep enough (I say not) for diving? Kids don't just stay at the pool in front of lifeguards all the time. Yes, I will strangle my kids if I ever catch them doing any of the dumb things we did as kids, but I tend to think that if they do ever sneak off to try anything dumb, they are more likely to stay safe if they were trained with more unambiguous guidelines. I may not have had lessons, but I had a handful of do-or-die rules, including no diving into water unknown, opaque, or less than xx depth. I have pondered the thought that if he was, indeed, good enough for the swim team, then he would have been used to doing entry dives into shallow water for races (roughly 4 feet here). He would have thought it to be second nature. But all it must have taken was for his body to be just a little bit off or the water to be a little bit shallower than he was used to... somehow he hit his head hard enough to cause internal bleeding. I take a little solace from the (hopeful) thought that he knocked himself out and never knew what happened. I don't know that this is the case, but I hope it was (since I can't reverse what happened). IF his friends had been paying attention, maybe they would have seen it and gotten him up soon enough to avoid drowning and just deal with the brain injury. I don't know. We'll never know. At the VERY least, teach kids/teens/parents to watch like hawks. You just never know... It still seems so unreal to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NittanyJen Posted July 18, 2012 Share Posted July 18, 2012 Btw, I did not mean to be crass, and in retrospect, I realize I may have well been. I apologize :(. I had no intention of calling the teen who died 'dumb.' I was thinking of kid behavior when kids get in a group and don't think everything through, and the kinds of training thy get though exposure to lessons and swim leagues etc. out here you do not have to be particularly goid to be on swim team; you have to be able to swim a length and be able to pay the fees and you're in. Note to self.... Think twice...post once... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted July 19, 2012 Author Share Posted July 19, 2012 I didn't get any impression that you were being crass! I also don't think you were calling Emmanuel dumb. It was a dumb mistake, but one more teenaged boys have made than not I think. Fortunately, most don't die from their mistake. Since so many do it and get away without harm, it unfortunately leads to their belief that it isn't really wrong if you do it right... I posted this as a warning that it can go wrong - even with someone experienced at swimming. In no way am I (or did I see you) calling Emmanuel dumb. He only did what most other guys his age do, but it went dreadfully wrong on Sunday. Life is not like the movies. It's a fallacy to believe if one is "good" or "believes the right thing" that one will always be saved from disasters. It's difficult to comprehend because most of what we see are movies and stories from survivors. I wanted people, esp kids, to know it's not always that way IRL. If there were anyone who should have survived due to his "life," Emmanuel would have been right up there at or near the top of the list IMO. Just my thoughts - and an important lesson for kids who grow up on adventure movies and stories, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NittanyJen Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 I agree with you in terms of getting away with making dumb choices is not a matter of being a good person. One of the things that prevented me from being bitter towards the person who rear-ended my car and ended my genetics career (could no longer sit at the thermotron or epifluorecent microscope etc etc) was realizing that I too have been momentarily distracted behind the wheel many times; the difference between myself and him is that nobody has ever been forced to stop short in front of me while I was distracted. I think your words for caution about swimmers are well-taken. We should take these opportunities to talk to our kids over and over again about things, because you just never know which time it might stick. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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