Calling out "HELP!" from beneath all this rubble

[Handmaiden]

Clutter, that is.

 

This house is a mess. We have five messy people living here. Books everywhere. Papers everywhere. Stacks of stuff. One is an artist and leaves art supplies everywhere. Two are Lego fiends and...need I say more?

 

I've tried FlyLady and agree with her approach of 15 min decluttering but the emails got overwhelming. I've subscribed and unsubscribed 3-4 times. I just can't do FlyLady. I've gotta find another way.

 

I just got through lecturing everyone this morning. I said, "Hey, there are five messy people here, not to mention a messy dog. It's impossible for me to clean up everyone else's mess; I can hardly keep up with my own. If everyone pitched in and put away their own stuff my sanity would remain intact but as it is

 

I'M GOING CRAZY!!!!!!!!

 

(Whew, it felt good to get that off my chest.)

 

Now please send help. Fast!

[Sharon H in IL]

You don't need e-mails to tell you what you need to do! De-clutter for 15 minutes several times a day.

 

Clutter is delayed decision-making. You have to make decisions to be able to find a storage space for all the different things, you have to set regular times for the offenders . . . I mean, kids . . . to stop everything and put away their toys and equipment, you have to set up a system for handling your own paperwork so that it gets handled in a timely way and then filed quickly.

 

Julie Morgenstern has some excellent books, I especially like "Organizing From the Inside Out" because it talks about the inside work you have to do in order to actually change your outside habits. You can tidy up, but you can't stop the avalanche until you change what you're thinking and thus what you're doing to create the mess.

 

But doing the 27 fling boogie is something you can do anytime, and it's a great start! Get going, babe!

[Faithr]

I'm a flylady drop out too. I just never seem to really get going with her program. However, everytime I do sign up for her (I think it is 5 times so far!) I do develop some little habit that helps me. The first habit was always making the bed every morning. I never seem to be able to do the sink thing, but I could make the bed. The second habit I picked up was putting on a load of laundry first thing in the a.m. The third thing was unloading the dishwasher every morning, the 4th thing was doing room rescues daily in our very lived in family room, the 5th was just focusing one counter or table top, putting the timer on and just working as fast as I could to put things away. I don't even do it for 15 minutes. I often don't seem to have that!!! But if you just do it for 5, it still helps a lot.

 

Two things I really need to work on is getting the kitchen cleaned every night and dealing with paper. Frankly, I am tired and kind of burnt out with being with my kids all day. My dh is never home for dinner during the week so everybody just kind of wanders off to do their own thing and I do the same! Very bad habit that I can't seem to break. And paper, well, I just never know where to put things so I'll remember them. What I really need is a whole wall that is a bulletin board. I just forget where something is unless it is right smack in front of me.

 

One thing that doesn't agree with me is the way Flylady breaks everything up into 15 minute chunks. YOu add all those chunks together and it takes a lot of time. I need bigger chunks of time to do more intensive things. I tend to do a lot of decluttering in the summer. I just can't focus on it as well during the school year. That is when I need to get into maintenance mode, but summer is all about the bigs jobs for me. Cleaning closets, going through huge piles of paper, cleaning the garage, etc. But it can be so discouraging. We have 7 really messy people here and I messy person (myself) can not manage it all very well! I am constantly struggling with it.

 

The hard part about being messy yourself is that it is very difficult to instill good habits in your kids when you don't have them yourself. That is the real stumbling block for me.

 

I keep thinking, little by little.

[Once]

Have you heard about Managers of Their Chores? It helps you to break down all the chores into smaller do-able kid sized bites.

 

Gently here.....maybe *you* cannot do it all and the ages of your kids suggests to me that *they* could start helping out around your house. The book takes the large task of all your household chores and breaks them down and helps you delegate before the jobs need to be done.

 

I agree with the other posters. Just do one small thing several times a day. You can do this. For me at least it is an ebb and flow. Some days are better than others. And some days are well .....

 

Tommorrow will be better just do. not. give. up.:001_smile:

[Stacia]

I've been steadily working on decluttering our house for the past year. (Uh, should I even be admitting that? :tongue_smilie:)

 

One thing that has helped me is to request various 'clutter' books from the library. I don't read all of them, but flipping though and skimming different sections has provided some great ideas for me to get started on tackling the clutter. One book that I have checked out over & over is It's All Too Much: An Easy Plan for Living a Richer Life with Less Stuff by Peter Walsh (the guy from the Clean Sweep tv show). His book emphasizes that you need to envision how you want the space to be used, then work on getting it that way. In that vein, my dh & I did a major decluttering in the playroom (really our living room) while the kids were away for the day (less protest), rearranged furniture (took out some things, brought in some other furniture from other parts of the house), and so on. The kids were actually thrilled w/ the changes & they haven't 'missed' anything that is gone. My ds has now dubbed the room the Family Lounge. (Previously, it had gotten so overfull that the kids didn't even go in there themselves.) We've all enjoyed the space since it has been cleaned out & cleaned up. It's still primarily a playroom, but we got rid of enough stuff (outgrown toys, a train table, & assorted junk/trash) that we had room to bring in a couch & chair, coffee table, and our stereo system. It is so much nicer now, for all of us, and a much better reflection of our family now too (as our kids are getting a little bit older & are outgrowing some of their toys).

 

And (I'm sure this will sound obvious to those who are more organized than I am), I have found that it makes a huge difference to get rid of stuff so that the things you have actually fit into the storage areas you have. It is sooooooo much easier to clean up if there is actually a place for everything to go, kwim? For example, I never minded doing laundry but I hated putting everything away (cramming it into overstuffed closets or drawers). Now that all the clothes storage areas have been cleaned out/pared down, putting away laundry is a breeze. The same, of course, applies for kids hanging up/putting away their own things too.

 

I can't even count how many trunkloads of stuff we've taken out of our house over the past year (it will be a continual process for me because my mom is a packrat & is constantly bringing stuff to our house/giving it to the kids), but it really does make a difference & it's really, really nice! There is light at the end of the tunnel.

[Trivium Academy]

I quit. I have younger children so to a certain extent I can't quit on them, I'm making a better effort to train them though but for my dh, I've quit. I'm not a maid or a servant. I shouldn't have to clean up his sugar from his morning coffee off the counter or pick up his bath towel off the floor. Not bashing him, I've told him all this- nice homes do not just happen.

 

I do for the family at large: cook meals, wash/dry laundry, vacuum/dust the house, and general cleaning but the personal stuff like putting clothes away, picking up toys, books, etc. that is up the individual person. I've recently employed the "if you don't take care of it, you don't need it" rule with the kids and have taken away toys to enforce it. I haven't quite found the balance yet of how much is too much to take care of, I'm working on finding it since we just moved into a smaller house.

[Handmaiden]

Thanks, y'all, for being gentle with me. The book recommendations are helpful. I just checked my library and they had both the Walsh and Morgenstern books so I am getting those.

 

I also bought Managers of Their Chores recently so maybe that's a step in the right direction!

 

I think it all boils down to habits...good habits. Like you said, Faithr, it's first developing those good habits yourself first so we can be a good example. I don't want to be a hypocrite!

 

I also think I have to train my eyes...I probably look through eyes of a messy person (aka slob) and really need to start looking through the eyes of a neat person.

 

We live a very, very, busy life with every week's schedule being different so I need to buckle down and come up with a plan that will work for us.

 

I know one thing that would help is more BOOKSHELVES!!! :lol:

[Once]

The bookshelves are neccessary. It helps to have a useable framework to organize things. :001_smile: We just bought dressers for sewing supplies and photos That was a big step forward for us. Now we need to unpack boxes and storage totes into them.

 

Go easy on yourself. I make the goal of having a useable house not one from a magazine. I just want to be able to find stuff when I need it and I want a place that I can teach my kids about order and responsibility......But they have to be free to be kids. kwim?

 

Even though I do not use the Flylady system exactly. I still use some of it. Perhaps you will get to that point too. Don't give up! It is worth it.

[Handmaiden]

Thanks, Once.

 

Anyone with more encouragement and/or tips?

[Sue G in PA]

Just encouragement that you are not alone. The dc and I just had a family meeting tonight b/c I was sick and tired of the horrible attitudes about doing chores. It was like I was imposing on their time by asking them to do their ASSIGNED chores! AND, I could have written your post. I'm the only one (yes the only one) who picks up around here w/out being threatened to do so (the dc) or nagged to death (dh). My kids and my dh will walk.right.over trash on the floor, practically trip over toys but not bend over to pick them up, announce that somebody spilled this or that but NOT CLEAN IT UP! I get so irate and so frustrated that I just lose it. Like tonight. I'm sick of running my you know what off to take my kids places, do stuff for them, watch them in the pool, etc. only to get such attitudes in return. It's insane. So, sorry I'm not much help in the advice dept. but I can relate. We are only one person. I simply cannot do it all myself. Neither can you.

[Sahamamama]

I quit. I have younger children so to a certain extent I can't quit on them, I'm making a better effort to train them though but for my dh, I've quit. I'm not a maid or a servant. I shouldn't have to clean up his sugar from his morning coffee off the counter or pick up his bath towel off the floor. Not bashing him, I've told him all this- nice homes do not just happen.

 

I do for the family at large: cook meals, wash/dry laundry, vacuum/dust the house, and general cleaning but the personal stuff like putting clothes away, picking up toys, books, etc. that is up the individual person. I've recently employed the "if you don't take care of it, you don't need it" rule with the kids and have taken away toys to enforce it. I haven't quite found the balance yet of how much is too much to take care of, I'm working on finding it since we just moved into a smaller house.

 

:iagree: I agree, mostly, with Jessica. That whole sugar on the counter thing.... aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh. Well, let me tell you that for years I cleaned up after my dear, sweet dad -- sugar on the counter -- and I was so naively convinced that when I finally got married and had MY house, oh boy, there would NOT be sugar on the counter. Sigh.

 

What happened? Alas, I married a man.... :D

 

I tease my sweet and wonderful husband that, although he is really 100% Egyptian, he is also Irish and his name is David O'Blivious. I think that sometimes husbands/fathers/sons (don't have any sons, I'm just guessing here) don't actually SEE or NOTICE the sugar that THEY leave on the counter. Only if it STAYS there does it, eventually, become a topic of conversation, as in, "Hey, Babe, did you see all those ants on the counter? They're after the sugar, I think."

 

I agree with Jessica that a nice/clean/organized house does not just happen, and you are not your family's maid. NO YOU ARE NOT. My twins are 18 months old on Thursday, and they are already being taught to put things away, take their cups out to the kitchen (can't reach the counter yet), put their dirty clothes down the laundry chute, and go get a clean diaper. My 3.5 year old helps me do all of those things, plus fold laundry, put laundry away, dry dishes, sweep the kitchen floor, pick up toys, put toys away, and cook (she likes to scrub potatoes, and by the time she is done scrubbing them, there is no need to peel!). :D

 

My mom was talking to me tonight about having my nephews over today -- almost 11 and almost 13 years old -- and how frustrated she is that they are so "untrained." These boys don't flush, don't turn off lights, don't pick up anything, don't put anything away, don't turn off the TV (just leave the room), even at home, they are this way.

 

I remember years ago, housecleaning for a friend whose house was always cluttered. The laundry was always piled high, the toys were always all over the floors, the place was a mess. I am one who likes creating order out of chaos, so I went right to work each week. But one day, Debbie was home and she was complaining about how her three girls could never clean up their toys. I gently told her, "Debbie, if your house had (1) less in it and (2) a place for what is in it, then your children would be able to put things away." So, from then on, we worked to:

 

• Organize/get rid of the clothes -- keeping less than what fit in the closets and dressers

• Organize/get rid of the toys -- keeping less than what fit on the shelves and art closet

• Organize/get rid of kitchen stuff -- keeping one set of bowls, one set of pots & pans, one set of silverware, one set of dishes, etc.

You can "train" your children/spouse to put things away, but they have to know where to put them. If you can't answer that, either, then how will a child or spouse know? Hope that helps.