q for moms with special needs kids

[swellmomma]

Your attitude is not coming across well. You may have worked with SN kids but I live with three of them. Do not attempt to tell me what will and will not work with MY kids. No one except DH knows those kids the way I do.

 

If you went behind my back to a non custodial parent you would not have to worry about my daughter stepping foot in your church again. If he has such a great handle on her needs then why is he the non custodial parent? (I do not care to know - just throwing that out there)

 

Your attitude is just like those people who have caused us to leave the public school system and at times - the church. Working with SN kids means you have some idea. You don't live with one. Trust me - it's different. A lot different.

 

The church is made up of non perfect people who don't do things perfectly. If everyone did then it would be heaven - not church. That includes the kids. SN kids do learn there are times and places for things but generally not on the same time table as 'typical' kids.

 

The part that gets me is the idea of going to the noncustodial parent. I really have trouble thinking thats a good idea in any situation.

 

 

That's what got me too. The over all attitude of the op is offensive, but this is what got me going in my original OP. You are looking to start a war with this woman if a) you are telling her what her child is or is not capable of, b) you presume to know more about her daughter's abilities than she does and c) you go behind her back to the non-custodial parent. Speaking as a mom of special needs kids that is also divorced. a and b would p*$$ me off and I would leave the church, c would have me demanding you lose you position in the church loudly, frequently and to anyone that would hear me. What a breech of trust and ethics to go behind the custodial parent's back because you presume to know better about her daughter.

 

ANd then to say stuff it. Who in the hell do you think you are to know what is best for this child or to deem it appropriate to go behind the mother's back. You are really some peice of work and if that is the kind of Christian virtues your church promotes it is little wonder there is few SN kids/families there. It is obvious that your church is unwelcoming to anyone not "perfect".

[Alessandra]

This link is to a church that gets it. I don't think my beliefs completing match with this church's teaching, but I'm glad there is a church that gets it. http://mbctysons.org/pages/page.asp?page_id=100704

 

 

Wow, that is a great link. I haven't watched all the videos yet, but I will.

[mamatohaleybug]

Just wondering if you have decided how to approach this.

 

:bigear:

[jewellsmommy]

I would try to include her in any way possible. A battery powered candle instead of lit? Start working on non verbal cues now for behavior. She could have some small jobs to do if she is not able to sit the entire time.

 

What sort of needs does she have?

 

My kids were in my fathers wedding 4 years ago. We knew ds was going to be, well, like he always is. Other than his normal nehaviors, he was still just 3. We did everything we could to prepare but in the end he was fine.

 

You said the kids sit up front as an example, but i think a good example for all would be including her in some way.

 

 

The bolded was my first thought as well. I would continue to encourage improvement, but make sure that you are not expecting a level of achievement that is not possible for her to attain. Measure her against herself and not the other children.

 

I know there have to be standards. But, imo, the house of God has to be a place of grace first.

Edited April 11, 2012 by jewellsmommy