TXBeth Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 If you have been financially tight for a long time, dh may be frustrated with that and just want to buy you something because he feels you and dd deserve it. He may not care anymore and feel a sacrifice can be made in another area because he wants so much to show his love. Gently discuss this with him because his feelings need to be validated in this as well. It doesn't seem, from OP's post, that things are really "financially tight," just that she is stressing about money a bit. (It's the same way when a friend will say "I'm so broke" and then shows me the new outfit that they plan to buy.) See, this is how the situation feels to me. OP says she is worried about money, but they are going on vacation to take their son snowboarding. If things are really tight (like worried about being able to pay bills and buy food), you don't go on a snowboarding vacation. So my guess is that the extra expense of the vacation has OP worried, but that really the $70 isn't going to keep food off the table by any means. Again, this is my ASSumption based on the OP and could be totally wrong. FTR, I would be pissed if my DH spent $70 on valentine flowers for me, whether we could afford it or not. He knows I don't like to get cut flowers and would rather have a living plant, or a special treat to eat, or a night out, or a nice blouse, or pretty much anything else. We have only been married for 7 years. OP has a 26-year-old child, so unless this is a second marriage, her DH should know by now how she feels about this. So I agree with Bill that giving a gift to make yourself feel good when you know (or should know) the recipient does not want it...is selfish. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RanchGirl Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 He ordered it WHILE you were saying please don't waste money on this? I agree that it's the thought that counts, and this thought was not about you at all, it is something about him. Maybe he wants to tell someone else he got his wife a romantic gift? Maybe his mom always wanted roses?? Not sure but it sounds like it's about him, not you. I love flowers and nice jewelry but there's a time and a place, and it's not when money is tight and when spending money on frivolous things actually stresses out the recipient more. If you really can't afford it, I'd probably cancel the order and not say anything. He ignored your wishes, so seems fair for you to ignore his. Make a nice dinner, give him a card, and be really sweet about it. Not saying that's the healthy/honest/good wife thing to do, but it's what I'd do. Or at least call and change the order to the cheapest flowers they have and address them to your daughter only. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pqr Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 (edited) No he doesn't. A man ought to respect his wife's feelings, and not disregard them. Suppressing ones true reactions to such actions and pretending one is pleased (when it is the opposite of the truth) is mentally unheathful and is living a lie. Find your voice. Bill So a wife who cares about her husband's feelings is somehow without a voice? How about a husband who keeps quiet when his wife buys something? Is he also without a voice? You miss the point, in a caring and loving marriage both husband and wife will, at times, swallow an opinion in order to avoid causing pain to the other. This in no way indicates lack of voice but rather a loving caring and respectful spirit. It is a sign of a good marriage...not something unhealthy Husbands do at times make mistakes, sometimes they simply miss a comment or for whatever reason continue miss the point. To claim that a wife who does not jump down their throat over this is without a voice is...... frankly silly. When Remudamom (who no one on this board would ever accuse of being "without a voice") tells you that you are wrong For pete's sake, be gracious and thank him. How would you like it if you wanted to give someone a nice gift and they said they didn't want it? Talk about rejection. There's a line between expressing your wishes and being witchy. Really, is it going to break you? Does he do this all the time? Otoh, go ahead and pitch one. Maybe next year he'll get some flowers for someone else. perhaps you should go ahead and listen. Find your voice if you are being beaten, abused etc...but flowers really? Edited February 14, 2012 by pqr Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twinmami01 Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 So a wife who cares about her husband's feelings is somehow without a voice? How about a husband who keeps quite when his wife buys something? Is he also without a voice? You miss the point, in a caring and loving marriage both husband and wife will, at times, swallow an opinion in order to avoid causing pain to the other. This in no way indicates lack of voice but rather a loving caring and respectful spirit. It is a sign of a good marriage...not something unhealthy Husbands do at times make mistakes, sometimes they simply miss a comment or for whatever reason continue miss the point. To claim that a wife who does not jump down their throat over this is without a voice is...... frankly silly. When Remudamom (who no one on this board would ever accuse of being "without a voice") tells you that you are wrong perhaps you should go ahead and listen. Find your voice if you are being beaten, abused etc...but flowers really? :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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