SuperDad Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 (edited) Dd(13) was asked to write an essay about a word that described her and she chose sarcasm. :glare: Anyway, please read and evaluate. Thanks! Essay: I believe that sarcasm is a positive force in the world. Yes, you heard that right. I should know better than anyone, because sarcasm is who I am. I couldn’t avoid using it even if I tried. Exhibit A: My 2011 New Year’s resolution was to avoid sarcasm at all costs. That vow lasted for approximately 15 seconds, before my sister yelped, “It’s 2011!!!!!!!†and I responded with, “Gee, I didn’t notice.†Amid today’s floods of anti-bullying campaigns, many of which criticize sarcasm as cruel, disrespectful, and rude, I believe that sarcasm is essential. In my opinion, being skilled at subtle wordplay and wit is one of the most effective benchmarks of intelligence. Sarcasm is the sly, surreptitious employment of words with multiple meanings. That doesn’t sound crude to me - quite the contrary. Thinking back on that New Year’s resolution, I’m actually glad it didn’t last. Sarcasm is part of what shapes my worldview. To be majorly successful, you’ve got to be eloquent, witty, and sharp on your feet. You have to embrace the bizarre and understand the intricacies of social environments. Unsurprisingly, those are all skills involved in the art of sarcasm. Need I say more? If you’re still unwaveringly convinced that sarcasm is wrong, well, that’s your decision. But remember that you’re fighting a losing battle against the force that manipulates your social interactions, is employed by our world’s most intelligent inhabitants, and is just plain funny. Edited February 6, 2012 by SuperDad Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperDad Posted February 5, 2012 Author Share Posted February 5, 2012 Bumping for the evening crew Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pen Posted February 6, 2012 Share Posted February 6, 2012 (edited) In general, I think this is excellent writing (mechanics, spelling, vocabulary, etc.) for a 13 year old. Is she up for dealing with the content at her stage? I'll mark anything jumping out at me in terms of expression that seems awkward. But the main thing I see as a problem is the content. She probably got some of her humor from you--but whereas I find quite funny your comment about your second twin being the same age as the first twin, I don't find, and doubt most readers would find the response to sister 15 seconds into the New Year funny. Thus, as an example, it does support the idea that she is typically sarcastic, but it does not support the idea that sarcasm is essential rather than cruel, disrespectful, etc. The dictionary definition of sarcasm in my Webster's gives: "an ironic expression designed to cut or give pain." And alas, the example dd gives, seems to fit that to a T. This essay desperately needs examples of truly funny, clever, intelligent use of sarcasm (assuming there is such), sarcasm that works and amuses, without being rude or cruel in order to make its point. If those cannot be found then the essay fails to convince me of its main thesis. Alternatively this could perhaps be done as a self-satire where it is clear the author would be poking fun at herself, but this doesn't quite achieve that. Possibly to look at some of Shakespearean repartee in comedies and discuss those would be better suited to both making her point, and also to learning the difference between what does seem funny and what does seem somewhere on the spectrum of rude to cruel. I am thinking of something like the banter between Beatrice and Benedick--and yet, that might actually lead to seeing that even there it is rather painful to the people involved (were it real, and seen from their pov rather that from the pov of an audience who can laugh at it). And the happy ending reaches a point where there is rather more serious, joyful, and loving communication between the characters. Dd(13) was asked to write an essay about a word that described her and she chose sarcasm. :glare: Anyway, please read and evaluate. Thanks!Essay: I believe that sarcasm is a positive force in the world. Yes, you heard that right. I should know better than anyone, because sarcasm is who I am. I couldn’t avoid using it even if I tried. Exhibit A: My 2011 New Year’s resolution was to avoid sarcasm at all costs. That vow lasted for approximately 15 seconds, before my sister yelped, “It’s 2011!!!!!!!” and I responded with, “Gee, I didn’t notice.” Amid today’s floods of anti-bullying campaigns, many of which criticize sarcasm as cruel, disrespectful, and rude, I believe that sarcasm is essential. In my opinion, being skilled at subtle wordplay and wit is one of the most effective benchmarks of intelligence. Sarcasm is the sly, surreptitious employment of words with multiple meanings. That doesn’t sound crude to me - quite the contrary. Thinking back on that New Year’s resolution, I’m actually glad it didn’t last. Sarcasm is part of what shapes my worldview. To be majorly successful, you’ve got to be eloquent, witty, and sharp on your feet. You have to embrace the bizarre and understand the intricacies of social environments. Unsurprisingly, those are all skills involved in the art of sarcasm. Need I say more? If you’re still unwaveringly convinced that sarcasm is wrong, well, that’s your decision. [this last part, IMO, would need a truly funny sarcastic comment that makes the point--gives me as the reader an "aha, how clever" reaction.]. Your daughter strikes me from this writing as clearly extremely intelligent and eloquent, but that seems to be despite her sarcasm, not because of it. Please let me know if this helps at all. I have replied on a few of these and don't know if I am wasting my time doing so. Edited February 6, 2012 by Pen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted February 6, 2012 Share Posted February 6, 2012 LOL your dd is funny, but we live and breathe sarcasm in my house so I'm biased. :p Her writing is good. When my dd was 13 she wrote an essay about meat.:001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pen Posted February 6, 2012 Share Posted February 6, 2012 Another thought-- If this were to be done aloud in the right tone of voice, then the first half might work for me as a humor piece--almost like some NPR pieces one hears from time to time--there was a woman I think from Calif. who did things like that, but I cannot recall her name now (something like Sandra Sing Lowe or ????). However, in that case, I think it would need to go on with Exhibit B, and another instance of sarcasm, Exhibit C, and so on. And then maybe to explain how she thinks sarcasm is really wonderful (with good examples) and then perhaps wind up with a really wonderful bon mot quip--could be a quote from someone Oscar Wildish that would work in the context.... At that point it could perhaps go from something that for me, personally, misses the mark (despite the other poster thinking it was LOL funny) and is not especially funny as it stands, toward something getting into a perhaps actually publishable level... If you give her my comments, tell her I think she shows much promise as a writer, and to take it that I am commenting as such--not just as a 13 year old kid's effort. Tell her I say to work on getting her writing super funny--but speak kindly to her sisters. ;) It will take a lot of humor to get past the dictionary definition though...has she read much like Mark Twain or perhaps satires? That could help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperDad Posted February 6, 2012 Author Share Posted February 6, 2012 Thank you! She has been begging for constructive criticism and I, of course, would be biased, so your suggestions have been great. She has started editing and revising and I will post her second draft here, if anyone's interested. Thanks again, SuperDad P.S. Yes, she was reprimanded for her New Year's comment. She does need to work on her "filter" :glare:. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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