Hunter's Moon Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 This post will be purposely vague. I know I'd get better responses with more specifics, but for obvious reasons, it will have to be vague. This past week I've been happier than I've been in awhile. Things took a turn for the better, and I stupidly expected things to stay like that. I wanted them to. I tried to tell myself they would. So, when the other shoe dropped today, I was devastated. It's confusing because all at once I feel like I deserved happiness but that I also didn't deserve it. I held my breath the whole time I was happy, so in the back of my mind, I knew it wouldn't stay like that. But, I talked myself through it. Tried to rationalize the irrational. I do have a counselor, but we actually just last meeting decided it was time for us to part ways because I was doing better. My last meeting with her will be Tuesday, so I can always choose to extend it, but I don't really know that I want to. No amount of counseling will change life's circumstances. Sure, it may teach me to cope, but with this latest devastation, all coping skills went out the window. Like I said, I was trying to rationalize the irrational. This is more a pity post than anything. I don't have faith of any sort, and it was a long road getting where I am on that path and feeling okay about it, so the no faith thing wasn't a split decision based on life's lack of fairness. I've already consumed copious amounts of chocolate and peppermint tea :chillpill: To add a purpose to this post other than pity, how about some book recommendations for coping with life in general and changing my mindset from non-deserving of happiness to creating my own contentment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OrganicAnn Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 Have you tried a gratitude journal? Every evening (or day) you write one thing that you are grateful for - even if it is very minor. I know the idea came out of one of those popular self-help books, but I can't remember which one. There are a lot of things in life that we can't change and are rotten, but it is better to focus on the good things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RanchGirl Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 I kind of know that "impending doom" feeling. I think it is normal after you have experienced a great loss. Like what else can be taken away. It is truly a horrible feeling. I would make sure you are getting at least 30 minutes aerobic exercise daily. It can really change your outlook. And also please have your thyroid checked at your next medical exam. Regarding faith, please don't close the door completely, keep an open mind. The way you feel today won't always be the way you feel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 I am so sorry. I don't know what you're going through, but I do know what devastation feels like and I am so sorry to hear that you are going through it. :( I just want to give you a hug and let you know that you're not alone. :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Onceuponatime Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 :grouphug: I agree with the gratitude journal as a start. I have found that changing the habits of my mind is the best way to foster a feeling of contentment. It has been said that we are what we think. If we run a perpetually negative script, we can make our own lives miserable. Got a negative message running in your brain? Identify it. Examine it. Create a true, positive, counter message to substitute for the negative one. Repeat it to yourself throughout the day. Got multiple negative messages? Come up with multiple positive things to say to yourself. Wash, rinse, repeat. This doesn't mean you won't have setbacks. Just start over. It's ok to love yourself. The forces of the universe came together to create you. Whether they are natural or supernatural, you make a difference. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunter's Moon Posted January 16, 2012 Author Share Posted January 16, 2012 Have you tried a gratitude journal? Every evening (or day) you write one thing that you are grateful for - even if it is very minor. I know the idea came out of one of those popular self-help books, but I can't remember which one. There are a lot of things in life that we can't change and are rotten, but it is better to focus on the good things. My counselor actually gave me a journal specifically for that. I just haven't gotten around to it. I know how blessed I am, it is just hard to acknowledge when such a large part of my life is constantly being shattered and taped back together. Over and over. I think I'll pull it out and start on that today. Thanks :001_smile: I kind of know that "impending doom" feeling. I think it is normal after you have experienced a great loss. Like what else can be taken away. It is truly a horrible feeling. I would make sure you are getting at least 30 minutes aerobic exercise daily. It can really change your outlook. And also please have your thyroid checked at your next medical exam. Regarding faith, please don't close the door completely, keep an open mind. The way you feel today won't always be the way you feel. I do pilates about 3 - 4x/week and that seems to help. I know it isn't aerobic like running, but it does make a difference. I also did have my thyroid checked for separate reasons a few weeks back and it was normal. In regards to faith, I'm trying to leave the door open. There are many reasons I chose to leave my birth religion. I've looked into many different religions and non click with my beliefs. It is what it is. I have some spiritual thoughts, but no faith per se. I am so sorry. I don't know what you're going through, but I do know what devastation feels like and I am so sorry to hear that you are going through it. :( I just want to give you a hug and let you know that you're not alone. :grouphug: :grouphug: Thank you, I appreciate the commiseration :grouphug: :grouphug: Thank you :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunter's Moon Posted January 16, 2012 Author Share Posted January 16, 2012 I found a support group for my situation that meets right down the street from my house. I've always known it existed (not this close to home, though) but always felt like I'd be laughed out of the group because I could have it so much worse. I know now that everyone in a support group has different stories and I won't be laughed out. That's actually lifted my spirits a lot and looking at their website, I am optimistic the group will be of great help to me. :grouphug: I agree with the gratitude journal as a start. I have found that changing the habits of my mind is the best way to foster a feeling of contentment. It has been said that we are what we think. If we run a perpetually negative script, we can make our own lives miserable. Got a negative message running in your brain? Identify it. Examine it. Create a true, positive, counter message to substitute for the negative one. Repeat it to yourself throughout the day. Got multiple negative messages? Come up with multiple positive things to say to yourself. Wash, rinse, repeat. This doesn't mean you won't have setbacks. Just start over. It's ok to love yourself. The forces of the universe came together to create you. Whether they are natural or supernatural, you make a difference. I've gotten a lot better with the help of my counselor at changing thoughts. The negative ones still creep up at times, like last night. Thank you for this reminded though :001_smile: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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