How do you motivate a 10 year old?

[meltf928]

My 10 y/o lacks motivation to complete her assignments. She will get it in her head that she doesn't want to complete something and she'll drag it out twice as long as necessary.

 

She has always been this way. She attended public school for 2 years in K and 1st and her teachers were always complaining that she wasn't motivated and wouldn't complete her assignments timely.

 

It can be any assignment, any subject, you name it. If it were always the same subject, then I'd say maybe there is a problem with that curric and we could try something different. That's not the case, it can be any assignment that she deems beneath her, boring, etc. I do my best to bring in fun things, but she can drag out her other lessons for so long that we can't get to the fun ones.

 

I really need some advice, ideas, encouragement in this area. I have 3 at home (and 1 in preschool) One of my other DD's (8) is quick to complete her assignments and moves on to play/fun. The youngest (6) however is starting to mimic my 10 y/o's behavior and fussing about completing her assignments.

[PeterPan]

Ok, here's your problem. What you described *could* be a serious problem (ODD, oppositional defiance disorder, whatever), OR it could just be that she's very bright and that the assignments really ARE boring. Have you ever thought about getting some IQ testing done? Sometimes kids refuse because the assignments are too hard or are uncovering a weak point for them. She could even have a vision problem. I mean think about it, isn't that a common thread there, all through school, the need to see the work?

 

I DON'T think you need to make it fun, because if a kid has SN or some sort of problem, you're never going to be able to make it fun enough to suit them. But I do think you have to start looking for what the problem is and WHY the kid is refusing. Could be a lot of different things, so you have to sleuth. Might even cost you some money. Vision is easy to check. I like a developmental optometrist, not a regular one. They can check her eyes for basics and then screen for a few extra things that would affect school work if they're there (things a regular optometrist doesn't check). Won't cost you any more but gives you more info. A neuropsych or ed psych can do testing for IQ, working memory, processing, etc. etc. to see if there's anything there going on.

 

Oh, the only thing that actually motivates my kid (who is part mule too, btw) is leaving to do something she really, really wants to do. That's it. Nothing else really works. It all gets forgotten or doesn't matter to her.

[MrsMe]

In addition to what OhElizabeth said, I'll add.....um....bribery....er....incentives. You finish "this" then you can go do this or have that. Logical consequences didn't work with dd, but where it hurts did. Remove an outing, etc.

 

I had a 10 day chart of good attitude and completed work. She had to do all 10 days in a row (to create habit). When the 10 days were up, she chose something. She screwed up on day 5...start over. But it was a reasonable prize at the end. It really worked. Work at it till done, no acceptions. Didn't finish, you don't get to go. I did this every.single.day.

[kalanamak]

When I was 10, my mother said she'd buy me a horse if I kept up on my piano for 3 years. I did, she did, it was wonderful.

 

I have told my son he may have a DS when he can do HALF his school work without me sitting next to him. This is almost a daily conversation and he is dreaming of the day.

[nrself]

Hmmm... a Nintendo or a "dear sibling"? ;)

 

When I was 10, my mother said she'd buy me a horse if I kept up on my piano for 3 years. I did, she did, it was wonderful.

 

I have told my son he may have a DS when he can do HALF his school work without me sitting next to him. This is almost a daily conversation and he is dreaming of the day.

[meltf928]

WELLL, I did the DS thing last year, so I've already played that card! lol I gave her a sticker for each day that she did all of her assignments and a second sticker if she did them w/o me having to remind her. Each sticker was worth .25 and could be redeemed for a DS at the end of the year. When the time came, I gave her the option of getting a DS or an Ipod touch and she chose the touch. NOW, when she is off task during the day (I give her 3 warnings) she loses her Itouch privilege for the rest of the day.

 

Thank you all for the advice and tips, I can certainly use all that I can get.

[MrsMe]

NOW, when she is off task during the day (I give her 3 warnings) she loses her Itouch privilege for the rest of the day.

 

.

 

 

Kids like this, I give 1 warning, then it's gone.

She'll take it to all 3...that's too many chances, IMO. :)

[PeterPan]

Like Lilac said, you're not doing her any good if you give her 3 chances. Tell her to remember, and that's it. They can remember what they WANT to remember. It's called working memory. And when she WANTS to use it and does, she'll stretch her abilities and grow. So on this, all parenting opinions aside, you really want to give her things that she has to work to remember.

[kalanamak]

Hmmm... a Nintendo or a "dear sibling"? ;)

 

:lol: That would land us in the book of records. We would be conquering menopause and the big V. (He'd like a sibling, however, preferably another 9 year old boy.)