Writing Tales 2, The Boy Who Cried Wolf

[RootAnn]

dd10, has always been "allergic" to pencils (i.e., reluctant writer) and tends to retell stories (& do narrations) that are as short as possible - to the point of being incomplete. Assignment is a rewrite of the tale, The Boy Who Cried Wolf. I allow small changes/additions to the story in the rough draft. I've left all the misspellings & grammar issues as is.

 

I would appreciate comments on how she is doing with description and making the story "complete" as we are working on that as an emphasis right now. Other observations are welcome.

 

This is a rough draft. She will be editing it to get rid of the run-on sentences, spelling mistakes, paragraph breaks, etc.

 

Lies and Truth

 

There is a shepered, still alive today, an old man now, but when this story took plase, he was a young boy and so we begain the story. In the year 1944, in England, by a small country town, lived a shepered boy named Jonathan. he took are of his father's sheep all his ten years alive and had never been to school. He got bored often and never knew what to do. One of those days he decided that he had to do something. Taking a look at the soft, curly wool on the sheep, he inanganed the black, hard, fur of a wolf. Then it came to him. "Wolf! Wolf!" he cried.

 

The people of the town began to run toward him and the sheep. When they got there, the boy just laughed at them. Then they went back to their fields all sweaty and panting from the run. The next day Jonathan did the same thing. The same thing happened. Than a couple of weeke later, a wolf did go after the sheep. The boy ran to the village for help. The villagers thought it was another trick. So they did not come to help, and the sheep were all eaten up. Jonathan got punished badly.

 

The end.

[Snickerdoodle]

Well, writing is the one subject I am most NOT qualified to teach or comment on (so caveat emptor), but this is what I would suggest if it were my child:

 

 

 

Lies and Truth

 

There is a shepered, still alive today, an old man now, but when this story took plase, he was a young boy and so we begain the story. In the year 1944, in England, by a small country town, lived a shepered boy named Jonathan. he took are of his father's sheep all his ten years alive and had never been to school. He got bored often and never knew what to do. I would ask what this meant since the shepherd did know what he should be doing and that is taking care of the sheep. One of those days he decided that he had to do something. Taking a look at the soft, curly wool on the sheep, he inanganed the black, hard, fur of a wolf. Then it came to him. It? My pencil phobic child also would use pronouns everywhere if he could. "Wolf! Wolf!" he cried.

 

The people of the town began to run toward him and the sheep. When they got there, the boy just laughed at them. Then they went back to their fields all sweaty and panting from the run. The next day Jonathan did the same thing. The same thing happened. I would ask for this to be expanded if it was my child. Than a couple of weeke later, a wolf did go after the sheep. The boy ran to the village for help. The villagers thought it was another trick. So they did not come to help, and the sheep were all eaten up. Jonathan got punished badly.

 

The end.

 

 

I am glad that some of you are posting work for your 10yo's. It really is helping me a lot get a sense of where other kids are. My son is also extremely pencil phobic.

 

Is Writing Tales similar to CW?

Edited December 10, 2011 by Snickerdoodle

[RootAnn]

WT 1 & 2 together are like CW Aesop. They are billed as being easier to teach & more fun for the kids. I plan on moving dd to CW Homer A next year.

 

Thanks for taking the time to comment!

[Penelope]

One thing CW Aesop talks about is expanding vocabulary with synonyms and description.

 

So you could go through and talk about the characters and some of the main nouns or events in the story.

Take them one at a time: boy. Physical description (saying he was 10 is one way your dd did this), what his character was like-- mischievous, conniving, trickster, liar, bored at his job, attention-seeking, etc.

Then what was he like at the end of the story-- repentant, defiant, etc. Then go through the story and use description or synonyms when you talk about the boy, to vary the story.

 

You could do the same with verbs. Choose a couple of places where she wrote "went" or "did", "ran" or "to run" (used several times in the second paragraph) and find a stronger verb for them, or another way to say and expand on what happened.

 

The other thing I might do, if I was working on it with my son, would be to pick just a couple of sentences and play with them and show how varying them could add interest, or how combining two short simple sentences together could make things smoother and less choppy.

 

I thought she did a good job, though. :)

Edited December 10, 2011 by Penelope