WWS Week 12 Day 4 Topos Assignment from DD12

[Roxy Roller]

I am a little afraid to put this out there, but I would love to know how to help my DD improve her writing. She is a reluctant writer, not a great speller, and was a late reader.

 

Here is what she did with the Topos assignment. We went over the spelling errors and she changed a sentence where I pointed out that she had lapsed into first person instead of a third person POV. She also pulled out a Kingfisher reference book and another book on Pompeii, so she veered a little off topic.

 

 

"A volcano is a mountain that builds up during the years. It is made out of ash and lava. The layers inside the volcano are like a cake that keep building up. The magma chamber is where the lava is. It bubbles and is extremely hot. The magma chamber and main conduit are like a well and water pipe. When it erupts it makes lots of noise and sometimes shakes the ground. The ash and cloud is like gray cotton and is hot as it shoots out the top of the volcano. When the lava comes out of the volcano it makes a lava flow down the side of the volcano. The lava flattens everything in its path and burns everything in its path. There are other shoots that come out of the magma chamber that are called side vents. Some times when water is near the volcano it heats the water and the water comes out of the ground in shoots that are called geysers.

 

There are different kinds of volcanoes. The Hawaiian eruption flowed gently because the lava is runny. Another volcano is the one in Italy. When it erupts it shoots up solid magma. The Plinian volcano has clouds of ash and pumice. An example of a Plinian eruption happened in Pompeii, Italy in A. D. 79. It also erupted with clouds of ash and pumice. The people did not know that Pompeii would erupt until it was too late to do anything but run. The lava covered the city with ash and lava. Some people did not want to leave their precious stuff, some hid in their houses, and some found pillows to cover their heads. Some just grabbed their belongings and others just ran. A few families got into boats. Others tried but there was not enough room. People hid and used cloth to help them breathe. Most of the people got covered by the ash and lava.

 

Pompeii stayed covered until people started digging a tunnel and found a stone the had "Pompeii" written on it. They uncovered people, animals, buildings, pottery and other things. People live there now, living their life at risk, but no one knows when the sleeping giant will awake."

 

WWS has not been easy for my DD, it has been a challenge, but I have seen a lot of improvement. I am unsure how to look at this assignment, because I appreciate the fact that she used more sources, but some of the information is unclear and she obviously is interested in Pompeii and veered off the assignment by adding in that information. She told me that when she realized she wouldn't have between 200 and 400 words with her first paragraph she went looking for other sources to add information. What grade level of writing is this? I would appreciate any help I can get.

[Capt_Uhura]

I need to read that lesson and I'll come back and give my comments. I'm learning along with you though. 8-)

 

Did she satisfy the grading rubric in WWS?

[Roxy Roller]

Good question, Capt.

 

When I look at the rubic, she did satisfy all of the organization points in the rubic(basically in the first paragraph, with the exception of the word count, which is why she went looking for other sources to get her word count up), and as far as mechanics go, there are a few sentences that I felt did not make sense, but when I pointed them out, my DD said that they made sense to her. I am not sure if she just didn't want to fix them at that point, or if she really thought they made sense. I did not want to worry too much about mechanics, because honestly, this is the longest paper that she has ever written, so I am waffling between just saying 'great job, honey', and going over it to do the mechanical corrections(although we did do the spelling corrections a couple of days after she wrote it, because she struggles with spelling, and I could not leave them).

 

I would love to see more example of actual kids assignments from WWS. My DD is my oldest, so I really have nothing to compare to. I feel like I am not knowledgeable enough to comment on other people's writing, but I sure would love to see examples.

[Create Your Ritual]

Hey Roxanne, as it happens we are doing this exact assignment today. Most likely we will also work on it Monday. I have dd10 and ds8 working their way through WWS. If I get time I will try to put up more samples of their WWS work. We should make a WWS folder on the writing board to put examples up in one spot.

 

I think that your dd wrote about several key parts of a volcano, and also used a simile in her first paragraph. Perhaps she could have separated each section a bit more and added more material within each part of the volcano?? You are correct in saying that she veered off a bit, but if she is an older student and it is your choice to add to the assignment in that way, then I would say that is fine.

 

Although I am enjoying the WWS assignments, I often find that I need to add to them in order to get their interest and knowledge to a level to be able to write intelligently about the subject. In the case of The Titanic assignment, we searched youtube for videos of the original Titanic as well as SOS recordings of when they called for help using morse code. We also read survivor accounts.

 

I have tried to do that with each assignment so that there was enough interest generated to WANT to write about it. With the volcanoes assignment we researched from several books, and watched you tube videos. We also drew our own volcano and labeled it. Then we talked about types of similes we might use. My dd spoke about the similarity between a volcano and the Greek Monster Typhon who presumably is encased in Mt. Etna. (She is a big Greek mythology fan) We talked about fireworks, witches cauldrons, the ash cloud resembling an angry Typhon.

 

Now.. I am not sure how much of this will result in a well written report about volcanoes, but I have found that it helps immensely to get them excited about the project ahead of time.

Edited November 18, 2011 by SaDonna

[Roxy Roller]

Hey Roxanne, as it happens we are doing this exact assignment today. Most likely we will also work on it Monday. I have dd10 and ds8 working their way through WWS. If I get time I will try to put up more samples of their WWS work. We should make a WWS folder on the writing board to put examples up in one spot.

 

I think that your dd wrote about several key parts of a volcano, and also used a simile in her first paragraph. Perhaps she could have separated each section a bit more and added more material within each part of the volcano?? You are correct in saying that she veered off a bit, but if she is an older student and it is your choice to add to the assignment in that way, then I would say that is fine.

 

Although I am enjoying the WWS assignments, I often find that I need to add to them in order to get their interest and knowledge to a level to be able to write intelligently about the subject. In the case of The Titanic assignment, we searched youtube for videos of the original Titanic as well as SOS recordings of when they called for help using morse code. We also read survivor accounts.

 

I have tried to do that with each assignment so that there was enough interest generated to WANT to write about it. With the volcanoes assignment we researched from several books, and watched you tube videos. We also drew our own volcano and labeled it. Then we talked about types of similes we might use. My dd spoke about the similarity between a volcano and the Greek Monster Typhon who presumably is encased in Mt. Etna. (She is a big Greek mythology fan) We talked about fireworks, witches cauldrons, the ash cloud resembling an angry Typhon.

 

Now.. I am not sure how much of this will result in a well written report about volcanoes, but I have found that it helps immensely to get them excited about the project ahead of time.

 

Thank you so much for your comments, SaDonna. I think that are right about creating interest. Up until now, I have just gone over the instructions in WWS with my DD, expecting her to work on it on her own. Most of the time, she has just barely written over the minimum amount of words, and honestly, I can tell that she has little to no interest in what she is writing about. I like that she wrote about Pompeii, because I could tell that she was interested in it. I really like your ideas about how to create interest. I need to spend more time doing this. My problem is that time is hard to find around here with 5 in 1st to 7th Grade. I think I will have to look ahead and generate a plan to inject a little more interest into the assignments. I wish that we were not forging the path with WWS. I would love to already have a 'sticky' that might have ideas on how to generate interest for each week. Your examples of how you did the Titanic assignment and the effort you put into the volcano assignment would be invaluable to those that are coming up behind us in WWS.

[Create Your Ritual]

I love how McHenry has all those links to youtube videos and other sources within each lesson on The Cells... that kind of thing would be very helpful with WWS, but I imagine for printing purposes it would be difficult to keep things up to date. We've been able to do the extra research with virtually every writing assignment so far, except Johannes Kepler. For that I acted out how I might have been feeling virtually going mad at looking up at the stars for that many years and finding no real answers. We tried to bring in figures of description from CC (astrothesia - vivid description of stars) within the writing as well.

 

I believe that last week's assignment was on Ivan the Terrible and we found a great History channel 13 min. video on youtube to watch before hand. My dc have not gotten to the point in history where they know who he is, so having a video brings it alive for them. So far the research has only taken me a few minutes to check the video content and that I am happy with it, and also to pre-order books for the library. I only have two active students though and one little one running around.. it would be nice for you if it was already done. You can always pm me or email me (pm me for address) and I am happy to share the links I come up with. Although we will continue working on our volcano story for Mon of next week and wait to take back up with WWS Week 13 the week following Thanksgiving. For some reason I hate only doing parts of a week.. I like doing all 4 days each week together.

[Colleen in NS]

We're doing week 12 next week, so I had a quick look at the assignment.

 

...but some of the information is unclear...

 

...there are a few sentences that I felt did not make sense, but when I pointed them out, my DD said that they made sense to her. I am not sure if she just didn't want to fix them at that point, or if she really thought they made sense.

 

I don't think she went very far off with the whole Pompeii part - good for her for looking in some other references. The IG even says to allow this if the student feels it's necessary.

 

When I grade my kids' WWS assignments, I stick pretty closely to the rubrics, and I make sure my kids have followed the instructions pretty closely. It seems to make the whole lesson a lot easier to learn.

 

In addition to using the rubics, I take to heart the advice of SWB in her writing lectures: use diagraming to fix grammar mistakes. I know the rubric provides mechanics help - make sure the sentence makes sense on its own when read aloud. If it doesn't, we do talk about the grammar involved. Diagram if needed. It *always* helps in fixing the errors, and making the thought clearer. I use whatever grammar knowledge each kid has acquired so far. If one hasn't learned about a particular concept yet, I make a few grammatically correct suggestions for change, and let the child pick the wording he/she likes best (modeling, helping him/her clarify what he/she was trying to say).

 

Often, my daughter will tell me that a particular sentence makes sense *to her,* but I see a grammar error. So I tell her we have to figure out how to fix it (because I won't let her leave it - I see these things as learning opportunities). I find that if my kids have followed the assignment instructions, then fixing grammar/spelling/mechanic errors doesn't take that long. And if it's part of our daily routine with the writing assignments, they learn more quickly to be more careful with their sentences (or ask me for help).

 

A quick side question: Is it important for some reason that your daughter go much further over the minimum required word count? I just ask because I find that sometimes my kids will go way over, and sometimes they do the minimum, depending on interest and a million other daily factors. I understand why some teacher-Moms make a very mini-unit study around each day 3 or 4 topic in the writing lessons (and I admire it - sometimes I wish I had the energy to do that, but I just rely on supplemental library/encyclopedia reading). But these are simply writing lessons. I think they are meant to be efficient and practiced each day; in order that the kid might go on to *use* the techniques learned, say, on a Friday afternoon writing assignment around a topic of the child's interest (we use the week's history/science/literature/art history/music history reading to create short writing assignments on Friday).

 

Just a different way of looking at the assignments, in light of what you said about the amount of kids you are teaching.

 

P.S. I know you posted her writing here to get specific critique, and I didn't offer that - but hoping that something here will help you to have some more concrete tools with which to evaluate.

[Roxy Roller]

SaDonna...have you looked forward to Week 13? I was just looking at it and it has the students reworking Week 12's assignment using a present point of view. I am hoping that my DD can muster her enthusiasm up again for Pompeii, to write from a present point of view. I am going to look for some youtube videos of volcanoes to show her before she starts writing. Thanks again for your ideas.

[Colleen in NS]

weird, we just posted at the same time!

[Colleen in NS]

...it has the students reworking Week 12's assignment using a present point of view. I am hoping that my DD can muster her enthusiasm up again for Pompeii...

 

Do you find, though, that when the particulars of the assignment changes, that she gets engaged (somewhat, lol?) because her brain is concentrating on the new particular? Remember the assignment where they had to describe a room as romantic and then ghostly? Or describing a personal setting from three different points of view? It's not rehashing the same info. - it's practicing a different skill on now-familiar info..

 

hth

[Roxy Roller]

We're doing week 12 next week, so I had a quick look at the assignment.

 

I don't think she went very far off with the whole Pompeii part - good for her for looking in some other references. The IG even says to allow this if the student feels it's necessary.

 

When I grade my kids' WWS assignments, I stick pretty closely to the rubrics, and I make sure my kids have followed the instructions pretty closely. It seems to make the whole lesson a lot easier to learn.

 

In addition to using the rubics, I take to heart the advice of SWB in her writing lectures: use diagraming to fix grammar mistakes. I know the rubric provides mechanics help - make sure the sentence makes sense on its own when read aloud. If it doesn't, we do talk about the grammar involved. Diagram if needed. It *always* helps in fixing the errors, and making the thought clearer. I use whatever grammar knowledge each kid has acquired so far. If one hasn't learned about a particular concept yet, I make a few grammatically correct suggestions for change, and let the child pick the wording he/she likes best (modeling, helping him/her clarify what he/she was trying to say).

 

Often, my daughter will tell me that a particular sentence makes sense *to her,* but I see a grammar error. So I tell her we have to figure out how to fix it (because I won't let her leave it - I see these things as learning opportunities). I find that if my kids have followed the assignment instructions, then fixing grammar/spelling/mechanic errors doesn't take that long. And if it's part of our daily routine with the writing assignments, they learn more quickly to be more careful with their sentences (or ask me for help).

 

A quick side question: Is it important for some reason that your daughter go much further over the minimum required word count? I just ask because I find that sometimes my kids will go way over, and sometimes they do the minimum, depending on interest and a million other daily factors. I understand why some teacher-Moms make a very mini-unit study around each day 3 or 4 topic in the writing lessons (and I admire it - sometimes I wish I had the energy to do that, but I just rely on supplemental library/encyclopedia reading). But these are simply writing lessons. I think they are meant to be efficient and practiced each day; in order that the kid might go on to *use* the techniques learned, say, on a Friday afternoon writing assignment around a topic of the child's interest (we use the week's history/science/literature/art history/music history reading to create short writing assignments on Friday).

 

Just a different way of looking at the assignments, in light of what you said about the amount of kids you are teaching.

 

P.S. I know you posted her writing here to get specific critique, and I didn't offer that - but hoping that something here will help you to have some more concrete tools with which to evaluate.

 

Thank you for your comments, Colleen. I agree that I need to go back over the mechanics. Honestly, I cannot see having the time to go over her writing assignments sentence by sentence, but maybe I have to reevaluate, and make the time. I am already 'doing' school from 8am to 4:30pm with my crew.

 

I am not concerned with my DD going over the word count, but for most assignments she is literally one or two words over the minimum. I think she must count as she goes along. When she added the additional information about Pompeii, she was just about over the maximum word count.

 

I guess the point that SaDonna was making, which I agree with, was that when the kids have an interest in what they are writing, they write better. I, for one, will be putting SaDonna's ideas into practice.

[Roxy Roller]

Do you find, though, that when the particulars of the assignment changes, that she gets engaged (somewhat, lol?) because her brain is concentrating on the new particular? Remember the assignment where they had to describe a room as romantic and then ghostly? Or describing a personal setting from three different points of view? It's not rehashing the same info. - it's practicing a different skill on now-familiar info..

 

hth

 

Yes, I do think that she will be even more engaged, but it may be hard to switch from the impersonal POV to the present POV. I agree that it will be a different skill. Hopefully she will be able to write a little more cohesive paper.

[Colleen in NS]

Thank you for your comments, Colleen. I agree that I need to go back over the mechanics. Honestly, I cannot see having the time to go over her writing assignments sentence by sentence, but maybe I have to reevaluate, and make the time. I am already 'doing' school from 8am to 4:30pm with my crew.

...

 

I guess the point that SaDonna was making, which I agree with, was that when the kids have an interest in what they are writing, they write better. I, for one, will be putting SaDonna's ideas into practice.

 

I understood that point, and thought it was a great point, great ideas. I was just offering another perspective, for the sake of time efficiency for you. I would just find it less time-consuming to go over sentences in writing *as opposed to* seeking out lesson-supplemental materials to generate more interest, if I had to choose between them for the sake of time - but I realize it might be the opposite for you. I do think the supplementary ideas are great, though, and I understand the reasoning for using them. I hope that makes sense. :)

[Roxy Roller]

I understood that point, and thought it was a great point, great ideas. I was just offering another perspective, for the sake of time efficiency for you. I would just find it less time-consuming to go over sentences in writing *as opposed to* seeking out lesson-supplemental materials to generate more interest, if I had to choose between them for the sake of time - but I realize it might be the opposite for you. I do think the supplementary ideas are great, though, and I understand the reasoning for using them. I hope that makes sense. :)

 

I guess I need to evaluate what I want from WWS. I 'think' that you are saying that you value the mechanics/skills of writing. Which is why you go over the sentences, using writing to reinforce your DC grammar. While I do value the mechanics, I enjoyed seeing my DD engaged in her writing, which is what happened in this assignment, as opposed to other WWS assignments, with the exception of the Alexander the Great assignment, which she enjoyed. I guess I want the best of both, but I am unsure as to how to get there.:tongue_smilie:

 

Edit: I read over my post here and I am not sure I verbalized what I mean. Of course, we are doing a writing curriculum to learn the mechanics/skills involved in writing. I guess I haven't moved over to make the connection between our grammar curriculum and our writing curriculum like Colleen has. I can see that happening, it just isn't happening here yet. This is one of the reasons that I am disappointed that ALL is on the back-burner. I was looking forward to cohesively connecting grammar and writing. Now I have to figure out how to do it on my own. I can see that I have a lot to learn.

Edited November 19, 2011 by Roxy Roller

[Create Your Ritual]

This doesn't exactly relate to WWS, but we are also working through CC Fable. Over 10 days we work on the same Fable. The main difference is that we take sentences out of the story and do variation exercises (or copia) skills on them. We outline the fable, then we paraphrase the fable in our own words however we wish. The next lessons have us incorporating 2 or 3 figures of description in the next retelling. Occasionally my dc will decide on their own to tell it from another characters perspective to switch things up. Towards the end of the 10 days they tell the story either in media res (from the middle), in reverse (from the end to the beginning... as if we were retelling a story from our present point to when it first started) or summarize the story ala WWS skills. They LOVE it. They never get bored with rehashing material because it allows them to tell the story so many different ways. Plus they are interested in building characters they enjoy writing about and with interest comes better writing. They don't mind the mechanics and having to do rewrites because they are invested in what they are writing about.

 

If you have a chance take a look at this link -

 

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0811207897/ref=ox_sc_act_title_9?ie=UTF8&m=ATVPDKIKX0DER

 

Raymond Queneau in his book, Exercises in Style, chose to rework the same story 99 different times. Talk about copia skills!!! Anyway, I think ultimately your dc have to care about the topic at hand. Ideally you would take the skills being learned in WWS and use them on a subject of your choosing, but honestly we all are just beginning this journey together, and for now I am going to work with the examples given and instead try to garner interest in them the best way I can. I am appreciating all of the instruction and I am bringing aspects of classical writing into the mix when I can as well.

 

Roxanne, I will say that I have both my dc doing WWS together as I couldn't teach everyone separately when it comes to writing. ;-) I truly take my hat off to you with 5 children you are trying to teach.

[Roxy Roller]

This doesn't exactly relate to WWS, but we are also working through CC Fable. Over 10 days we work on the same Fable. The main difference is that we take sentences out of the story and do variation exercises (or copia) skills on them. We outline the fable, then we paraphrase the fable in our own words however we wish. The next lessons have us incorporating 2 or 3 figures of description in the next retelling. Occasionally my dc will decide on their own to tell it from another characters perspective to switch things up. Towards the end of the 10 days they tell the story either in media res (from the middle), in reverse (from the end to the beginning... as if we were retelling a story from our present point to when it first started) or summarize the story ala WWS skills. They LOVE it. They never get bored with rehashing material because it allows them to tell the story so many different ways. Plus they are interested in building characters they enjoy writing about and with interest comes better writing. They don't mind the mechanics and having to do rewrites because they are invested in what they are writing about.

 

If you have a chance take a look at this link -

 

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0811207897/ref=ox_sc_act_title_9?ie=UTF8&m=ATVPDKIKX0DER

 

Raymond Queneau in his book, Exercises in Style, chose to rework the same story 99 different times. Talk about copia skills!!! Anyway, I think ultimately your dc have to care about the topic at hand. Ideally you would take the skills being learned in WWS and use them on a subject of your choosing, but honestly we all are just beginning this journey together, and for now I am going to work with the examples given and instead try to garner interest in them the best way I can. I am appreciating all of the instruction and I am bringing aspects of classical writing into the mix when I can as well.

 

Roxanne, I will say that I have both my dc doing WWS together as I couldn't teach everyone separately when it comes to writing. ;-) I truly take my hat off to you with 5 children you are trying to teach.

 

I will take a look at that book. I cannot imagine rewriting a story 99 times, but I can see that it would take an amazing amount of skill.

[Colleen in NS]

While I do value the mechanics, I enjoyed seeing my DD engaged in her writing...I guess I want the best of both, but I am unsure as to how to get there.

 

I want the same. :) I just assume that the engagement will wax and wane at times; and that as they learn the skills, that engagement will become easier.

 

I guess I haven't moved over to make the connection between our grammar curriculum and our writing curriculum like Colleen has. I can see that happening, it just isn't happening here yet. This is one of the reasons that I am disappointed that ALL is on the back-burner. I was looking forward to cohesively connecting grammar and writing. Now I have to figure out how to do it on my own. I can see that I have a lot to learn.

 

Just to hopefully encourage you - I sometimes wonder if I'm missing something, but I don't think it's that difficult to connect grammar knowledge with writing skills, esp. with WWS, even though ALL is on hold (I loved and used the samples, then went back to R&S after that announcement). WWS is so good at giving specific writing instructions, and telling us what to do mechanics-wise, that I feel the only extra thing I have to do is remember which grammar concepts which kid has learned (which, I recognize, could be more difficult with five kids as opposed to my two :D), and then help them apply that knowledge when editing.

 

This doesn't exactly relate to WWS... They never get bored with rehashing material because it allows them to tell the story so many different ways.

 

I think that totally relates to WWS. There are beginning copia exercises coming up in week 16.

 

...Exercises in Style, chose to rework the same story 99 different times. Talk about copia skills!!!

 

Did you read the copia section in WWS's Overview of the Year's Sequence? It talked about a sentence that Erasmus rephrased 195 different ways!!! That caught my interest.

 

Anyway, I think ultimately your dc have to care about the topic at hand. Ideally you would take the skills being learned in WWS and use them on a subject of your choosing, but honestly we all are just beginning this journey together, and for now I am going to work with the examples given and instead try to garner interest in them the best way I can.

 

I really and truly thought your ideas were great. I hope you both understand that. :)

 

Turning back to Roxanne's OP:

 

Your dd wrote, "There are different kinds of volcanoes. The Hawaiian eruption flowed gently because the lava is runny. Another volcano is the one in Italy. When it erupts it shoots up solid magma. The Plinian volcano has clouds of ash and pumice. An example of a Plinian eruption ..."

 

Was this the part that was unclear to you? It's unclear to me. (and after what I wrote above about diagraming, I don't think that applies to this so much.) When one of my kids writes like this I start asking questions to help them clarify their sentences.

 

- "What Hawaiian eruption? Sounds like you assume I know about a particular eruption that happened in Hawaii. Or, is that the name of a type of volcanic eruption?"

 

- "What volcano in Italy? Does Italy just have one? If not, which one do you mean - what's it's name or where is it located?"

 

- "Is the Plinian volcano a type of volcano, or is it the name of a volcano somewhere?"

 

Does that help? So, I guess I use grammar, but if that's not really the problem, I try to think of questions to elicit what the child is trying to say. Sometimes my son will say, "But, Mom, it's OBVIOUS what the answer is!!" And I sometimes have to reread and agree with him, or I have to say, "Uh, it's only obvious to you because it's in YOUR mind. We readers have no clue what you are talking about. So please answer my question, and then put that answer into a clear sentence." (that's what our banter is like, though, based on his personality)

 

hth

[Create Your Ritual]

No worries on my end Colleen. ;-) I agree that grammar is very important. My kids are a bit younger, but if I remember right you are working (yep.. just looked at your siggy there) with a 13 year old, so you are definitely in the mode of concentrating on that type of grammar assessment. I'm not sure my dc would know what the heck I was talking about at their age. We will get there ourselves one of these days if we keep moving forward.

 

Yes I loved the info on Erasmus.. I originally learned of it through CC. I think WWS blends nicely because she does incorporate some progym. skills into the mix.

[Colleen in NS]

...you are working (yep.. just looked at your siggy there) with a 13 year old, so you are definitely in the mode of concentrating on that type of grammar assessment.

 

I've been in this mode, with both kids, since they each were first learning, back in grade 1, to narrate one or two sentences for me to write down. That's the advice I gleaned from WTM (take the child's mixed up narration thought, phrase it grammatically correctly, and have the child repeat it back to you while you write it down). The questions or diagrams (after my kids had learned to diagram in later elementary) would have been a lot simpler than what I described above for an older child, but I was in that mode of teaching from grade 1 for each child.

[Create Your Ritual]

Roxanne,

 

You should add DDs sample to the WWS writing assignment section that Capt. Uhura started for everyone. I also posted samples in a different one of CC Fable stories. Anyway, it will be nice to have a place to put them all now. ;-)

[lewelma]

 

I would love to see more example of actual kids assignments from WWS. My DD is my oldest, so I really have nothing to compare to. I feel like I am not knowledgeable enough to comment on other people's writing, but I sure would love to see examples.

 

DS(11) a good but SLOW writer. Both of these exercises took him an hour each to write by hand, after planning for 30 minutes. We have not edited them.

 

Here is his Titanic write up.

 

On the 14th of April, 1912, the Titanic spotted an iceburg. Because the Titanic, the biggest ship of its day, was believed unsinkable, the crew were not worried when an iceburg warning was received but kept the ship at full speed. Thus, when the Titanic hit the icebug, no one thought the ship would sink. Some passengers even played with chunks of ice that had fallen off the iceburg. However, the captain soon realized the ship was sinking. "Put on your life jackets!" he ordered. Many distress signals were sent, but the closest ship that received them was four hours away. Most passengers were reluctant to leave the ship. "This ship cannot sink; it is only a question of waiting until another ship comes and takes us off," they said. Presently when the deck had noticeably tilted, more passengers left the boat. Afterwards, shocked survivors watched the stern of the Titanic dip below the water.

 

Here is the Kepler write up:

 

When Johannes Kepler studied at university he learned about Copernicus's new theory of heliocentricism which hypothesized that the sun is at the center of the solar system. However, most people still believed the earth was at the center of the solar system not the sun After he finished university, Keplar became the assistant of the famous astronomer Tycho Brahe. During this time, his job was to track the orbit of Mars. They both believe that all orbits were circular. Thus, when they noticed that Mars was speeding up and slowing down, they were unable to understand why. Unexpectedly Tycho Brahe died. Keplar continued trying to find an explanation for the movements of Mars. He struggled with this problem for five years. He once wrote, "I was almost driven to madness considering and calculating this matter. I could not find out why the planet would rather go on an elliptical orbit." In 1605, Keplar solved the problem and formed his first law of planetary motion. "The planetary orbit is elliptical and the sun, the source of movement is at one of the foci of this ellipse." He published this work in 1609, but it was not accepted immediately.

 

Here are the descriptions for lesson 8. He dictated these and I wrote them down, which sped up the process quite a bit.

 

The room was spacious and welcoming and the decorated ceiling was high and vaulted. The gleaming windows were long and high with beautiful arches at the top. The floor was made of shiny oak boards. The sun was setting outside and the light that flooded through the windows was red and gold, but it did not reach all the way into the comfortable corners of room. The colourful curtains hung at the windows and comfortable chairs filled the room.

The room was echoing and the oppressive ceiling was high and vaulted. The gloomy windows were long and high with crumbling arches at the top. The floor was made with worm eaten oak boards. The sun was setting outside and the light that struggled through the windows was crimson and yellow but it did not reach all the way into the cobweb corners of the room. Tattered curtains hung at the windows and collapsing chairs were scattered throughout the room.

 

Hope these are helpful,

 

Ruth in NZ

[Create Your Ritual]

Those are fantastic Ruth. You need to post those in the WWS assignments section as well. I am hoping my dc get more 'fluid' with their writing as we progress, and as they get a bit older. ;-) It is nice to be able to see samples, and share them with my dc so they have an alternative view of the same assignment.

[lewelma]

Those are fantastic Ruth. You need to post those in the WWS assignments section as well. I am hoping my dc get more 'fluid' with their writing as we progress, and as they get a bit older. ;-) It is nice to be able to see samples, and share them with my dc so they have an alternative view of the same assignment.

 

Thanks for that. He is fluid, just slow! I think he edits in his mind before writing it down, and this process is very time consuming.

 

I posted them on the other thread as you suggested, and added the description of the palace which I just found. (yes, he used the word superfluous on his own. We love Caesar's English!)

 

ruth

[Create Your Ritual]

Ha.. my ds8 has been stuck the past few weeks on prodigious. ;-) Thanks for posting them over there.. they will be great examples of what can be done with WWS.

[Create Your Ritual]

Ruth, I don't mean to put you on the spot, but I wanted to share a bit of our conversation so hopefully everyone can have the benefit of the idea you came up with. I am hoping you will add your side of things. ;-)

 

I mentioned to Ruth that I felt like our 'creative' side had been sidelined a bit with WWS while they are trying to manage the organizational side of things. Right now it seems to be more about getting things in chronological order, having the time and sequence words, the space and distance words, the simile, the quotation, etc. For them it's a bit like a toddler learning how to walk and talk at the same time... they have forgone some of their creative tendencies that I have seen on display in their CC Fable work, and are more into just getting all the elements in place.

 

I wondered how I might encourage them to move beyond this, and I thought Ruth had a wonderful suggestion that she had used with her dc. In fact, I used it this morning with our Volcano narration. ;-)

[lewelma]

I am hoping you will add your side of things. ;-)

 

I have my ds include a theme in his writing in addition to a topic. For example, in the Kepler write up the theme was persistance and in the titantic it was surprise. I suppose, I see the topic as the facts and the theme as the tone. The theme informs the facts to include and also informs the choice of language (i.e., adjectives, verbs). So with the Titantic report, he wanted to focus on the surprise, so he first showed how they were so trusting and not worried. Then, when things went bad, he could stress how unexpected it was.

 

I am guessing that SWB does not include the theme idea because it is more used in persuasive writing or even rhetoric. However, my ds like it because it helps him to figure out what to choose out of the list of facts on the day 4 writing assignment.

 

Ruth in NZ

[Roxy Roller]

Wow, Ruth...I am amazed at the maturity of your son's writing. I can see that my DD has a long way to go. I am unsure as to where I need to go right now. I am wondering if I need to put WWS on the shelf and go back to do either CW or CC. I feel like my DD is really missing instruction in sentence structure, and it seems like either CW or CC may help with that. Please correct me if I am wrong. I also love the idea of having a tone for each assignment. Did you just come up with that or can I read about it somewhere? I honestly feel at a loss right now, and I do not know what to do.

[Create Your Ritual]

Those were very good samples weren't they!

 

I wanted to tell you Roxanne that we are ALL on this boat together right now. ;-) Mine are a 'bit' younger, but still... they have a lot to learn as well about how to flow one paragraph into the next. I thought her idea about a theme was a good one, and I would love to hear more. ;-) Honestly WWS was their FIRST experiences with multi paragraph construction, so we are just trying to get used to the mechanics, but they have already grown immensely from the dry construction of the first couple of assignments before I realized that we needed to care about the topic a bit before we wrote it. I am hoping Ruth's suggestions also add an element, but I can see that we need more sentence practice with participial phrases, appositives, a theme of synonyms throughout the narration, etc.

 

I personally think the copia exercises, and the work in Homer would give you a great deal to play with when it comes to creating more 'rich sounding' sentences.. sorry, I couldn't think of a term I wanted to use there. ha.

[lewelma]

Wow, Ruth...I am amazed at the maturity of your son's writing.

Thanks for this. I will tell him you said so. He is VERY insecure about his writing.

 

I can see that my DD has a long way to go.

I think that all middle school kids have a long way to go. My understanding is that their learning speed really picks up, so there is still time for us to fix all their writing issues before college. There are just so many components of good writing. Apparently my ds has "maturity," but he cannot summarize, and he is sloooooooow. If he were to take a school like essay test, he would fail. He just cannot get the words down.

 

I am unsure as to where I need to go right now. I am wondering if I need to put WWS on the shelf and go back to do either CW or CC. I feel like my DD is really missing instruction in sentence structure, and it seems like either CW or CC may help with that.

I would suggest that you keep with WWS and add in some copia. Killgallon looks easy to implement. I have not yet worked with CW so I cannot say if it would be more helpful than Killgallon. I also think that kids develop different aspects of writing at different ages. My kid needs years to speed up before the SAT essay test, yours needs some copia. We will all get there in the end. Right?

 

I honestly feel at a loss right now, and I do not know what to do.

Please, please, please, don't get discouraged because of my ds's writing. He is in no way a competent writer. When I say slow, I am not kidding. How can it take you 60 to 90 minutes of focused effort to write 150 words?!!? (and this is after 30 minutes of planning). I think he is doing the WWS assignment, and then playing with the copia in his head for 45 minutes before writing it down. Perhaps your child could do the WWS exercise in 45 minutes, and then do some direct copia exercises from another source.

 

Did you just come up with that or can I read about it somewhere?

Unfortunately, I just kind of came up with it. I'm sure I have read about the idea somewhere, but I would not know where.

 

 

I agree with SaDonna, we are all in this boat together.

 

Ruth

Edited November 22, 2011 by lewelma

[Colleen in NS]

Wow, Ruth...I am amazed at the maturity of your son's writing. I can see that my DD has a long way to go. I am unsure as to where I need to go right now. I am wondering if I need to put WWS on the shelf and go back to do either CW or CC. I feel like my DD is really missing instruction in sentence structure, and it seems like either CW or CC may help with that. Please correct me if I am wrong. ... I honestly feel at a loss right now, and I do not know what to do.

 

Roxanne, did you see the samples I posted on Capt_Uhura's thread? I posted both drafts of each assignment, so people could see what my kids do initially, and where they would leave their assignments if I didn't have them edit and learn from their previously-learned knowledge involved in and applied to the editing. And to see the transformation that happened when I followed the routine I outlined earlier in this thread. I take all I've learned so far (including how to teach) from WWE/WWS/grammar study and apply it to their first drafts. I'm not trying to sound simplistic, but I do think SWB has made this task simpler for us. And it's entirely possible other Moms don't like the final drafts (or think they aren't very "mature") my kids did, and that is fine. (however, I think their "style" "voice" "creativity" is going to come out more as they build a more technical foundation first - no, actually, it already has been coming out, but only I can see that based on what each of them has produced in the past) But I guess that's where your comment about figuring out what you want from a writing program comes in.

 

Anyway, I just post again here to say, don't get discouraged! And don't compare too closely to other kids' writing samples. I think you are right - figure out first what exactly you want your daughter to get from writing instruction, and then practically figure out how to get that.

 

Sentence structure....I think this comes from a base of grammatically-correct narration practice (remember the idea of taking child's mixed up thoughts, creating a grammatically-correct sentence, and having child repeat it back to you?). I think that WWS will slowly build on that base. Yes, there are progym elements built into WWS, and my understanding is that there will be moreso in future WWS and Writing With Style levels. I will also say here that I looked into CC and CW a few years ago, and was overwhelmed by the....complicatedness?....academic-ness? of them. I can't come up with the right words, as I'm in a rush, but (and this may be just personal preference, and you should do what *you* prefer) I think SWB's style of teaching us how to teach is much more accessible to those of us who would otherwise feel lost without a program.

 

Good luck! and hth.

 

(I'm in a rush, hopefully most of what I said makes sense)

[1Togo]

Roxy,

 

I sent you a pm in response to your post about CC and CW, but I wanted to add this on the forum. After CC Fable and Narrative, students will have strong copia skills at the word and sentence level as well as exposure to working with multi-paragraph narratives. CC Fable and Narrative are effective with struggling writers and young children because each level focuses on an attainable set of skills. In CC Fable, students focus on retelling short narratives, and they get very good at that. They use specific procedures for their work, so they know what to expect. In Narrative, they focus on longer narratives and the application of various skills, and they get very good at that. Again, they use a specific format and set of procedures. They do not use one set of procedures/skills for a certain type of narrative and then another set for other types of narratives, which may confuse less mature writers.

 

With CW Homer, all the skills in CC Fable and Narrative are strengthened, especially paragraphing skills. From there, Maxim continues to work on paragraph skills as well as mapping the outline of the maxim form onto modern essays.

[Janice in NJ]

Hi Roxanne,

 

At a glance it looks like you need to spend more time helping your dd plan her composition. It's a tough hurdle for kids. So many of their assignments are best tackled by digging in and just getting started.

 

Math worksheet? Just tackle the first problem and work toward the last one.

Spelling? Just start. Proceed until the end.

Handwriting

Reading a book

Grammar worksheet

Piano practice

 

Most of what kids do is a launch-n-go experience. It's a linear thing. The first step leads to the next which leads to the next.

Writing is not like that. It's more like a project. If you were going to do a history project, planning and choosing materials would be the bulk of the assignment. If you pick a project that's too big for the time allowed or too grand for your budget, you're sunk. You'll end up with un-spackled walls and bags of assorted afghans that only measure eight inches across. ;)

 

Writing is like that. I would suggest that you help her learn to see her writing assignments as a big project that is made up of doable, small steps. Small sections. Each section must do something - fulfill some purpose. (Think history project; I'm sure you can come up with an appropriate analogy for your daughter. Hmmm... another idea? Talk about a favorite 30 minute TV show. How do the scenes work together to make the show? Each scene has a purpose. Together they serve an even larger purpose.)

 

If you were going to write a 20 minute sitcom, you couldn't just start with a vague notion and call in the actors. You have to plan ahead so the show fits within the 20 minute time slot. Something has to happen. The show needs shape - an arc. So you think about each of the pieces. Then you assemble the pieces together to create the whole. Same with writing. If you don't plan head, you are going to waaaaaaaaaande ®. It's hard to finish when you forget where you are going. :001_smile:

 

If kids just launch into the project and head on down an unexplored path, they may end up lost in the woods.

 

Help her to climb into a helicopter and get an overhead view of the assignment before she starts. "OK. 150 words. So let's plan for three paragraphs with 50 words per paragraph." Then continue talking but start taking notes. For example in your word processing software, type something up as you talk. Something like, This first paragraph will cover these points: Add some key words. Then help her think of a topic sentence for that paragraph. Then leave space for her to type the paragraph. Just cursor down. "OK. Paragraph two. What should that cover? What's the plan?" Then type a brief reminder of the plan into the document. Help her develop a topic sentence.

 

Cursor down to the approximate location of paragraph three. Repeat.

 

Then have her tackle the parts. When she is done, read through them. Help her decide if she met the goal. Does each paragraph accomplish something? Together, do they accomplish a larger goal? Self-evaluation is a BIG part of writing. Ultimately you set the bar. But it's important to ask questions and help her learn to see targets and arrows that nail those targets. Help her learn to ask, "Hmm... Did I hit that? Does this paragraph DO what I planned for it to do? Can I do better? Or have I nailed it?" Hard to do if you aren't sure what the paragraph was supposed to do. MUCH easier if you have a pre-determined target.

 

Once she (and you) are satisfied, delete the extra text - the training wheels. Read the composition through aloud from start to finish. Tweak it if you like. BUT USE that word processor to serve your daughter. If she isn't typing but is working on paper, use post-it notes that you can stick to the side of her paper in the approximate location.

 

I would tighten up your planning sessions. Help your dd see the overview before she starts writing. And be patient. Writing takes a different set of skills. You have to start with the big picture and zoom in. It's not paint by numbers. SO much of their school experience has been a paint-by-number experience up until this point. You just start in one corner and just do the next thing. Before long, you are done. It's a hard habit to break. You must plan if you are going to be an effective writer long-term. You have to zoom OUT and plan before you can get to work. Kids naturally resist it because it feels like extra work. It isn't. Ten minutes planning usually saves two hours of wasted effort.

 

Chin up, Roxanne. You are doing well. Really. Just keep moving forward. It may seem slow at first, but your engine will pick up speed. :001_smile:

 

Hope that helps,

Janice

 

Enjoy your little people

Enjoy your journey

Edited November 22, 2011 by Janice in NJ

[Create Your Ritual]

Roxanne, pm me your address and I will share a few pdfs with you that I have that might be helpful. ;-)

 

I will say that I think what everyone is appreciating about Lewelma's sample of her son's writing is the fact that his theme is fairly strong throughout the paper. I also felt like he wrote it (albeit it very slowly.. ha) in a style that was his own, rather than grabbing onto the facts and just sort of listing them one by one. In fact when you look through the samples, everyone's have bits and pieces that I appreciate and that's why I enjoy them so much. I share all of them with my dc and we talk about what we liked about it.

 

I think we all are trying to figure out how to get our dc's to a point where they have their own voice within these narrations, and that may be just through time and feeling more empowered in their writing skills. I do agree with CC though as I have enjoyed what we have learned so far with it. I would look at the CC website if you have more questions, but then buy from MP if you decide to get any of it.

[Create Your Ritual]

Thanks Janice, that was very helpful to me as well!

[Janice in NJ]

Oh. And if you have a Mac, consider Scrivener as your kids get older. Fabulous software. Absolutely fabulous! (I believe they are working on a version for PC. Not sure about that.)

 

Peace,

Janice

[Create Your Ritual]

Thanks Janice.. I noted that it is now available for Windows.

 

http://literatureandlatte.com/

[Janice in NJ]

Hi Donna,

 

If you want to see how the software works, I can recommend the "ScreenCasts OnLine" tutorial.

http://literatureandlatte.com/video.php

It lays out the basics.

 

Peace,

Janice

[Roxy Roller]

Hi Roxanne,

 

At a glance it looks like you need to spend more time helping your dd plan her composition. It's a tough hurdle for kids. So many of their assignments are best tackled by digging in and just getting started.

 

Math worksheet? Just tackle the first problem and work toward the last one.

Spelling? Just start. Proceed until the end.

Handwriting

Reading a book

Grammar worksheet

Piano practice

 

Most of what kids do is a launch-n-go experience. It's a linear thing. The first step leads to the next which leads to the next.

Writing is not like that. It's more like a project. If you were going to do a history project, planning and choosing materials would be the bulk of the assignment. If you pick a project that's too big for the time allowed or too grand for your budget, you're sunk. You'll end up with un-spackled walls and bags of assorted afghans that only measure eight inches across. ;)

 

Writing is like that. I would suggest that you help her learn to see her writing assignments as a big project that is made up of doable, small steps. Small sections. Each section must do something - fulfill some purpose. (Think history project; I'm sure you can come up with an appropriate analogy for your daughter. Hmmm... another idea? Talk about a favorite 30 minute TV show. How do the scenes work together to make the show? Each scene has a purpose. Together they serve an even larger purpose.)

 

If you were going to write a 20 minute sitcom, you couldn't just start with a vague notion and call in the actors. You have to plan ahead so the show fits within the 20 minute time slot. Something has to happen. The show needs shape - an arc. So you think about each of the pieces. Then you assemble the pieces together to create the whole. Same with writing. If you don't plan head, you are going to waaaaaaaaaande ®. It's hard to finish when you forget where you are going. :001_smile:

 

If kids just launch into the project and head on down an unexplored path, they may end up lost in the woods.

 

Help her to climb into a helicopter and get an overhead view of the assignment before she starts. "OK. 150 words. So let's plan for three paragraphs with 50 words per paragraph." Then continue talking but start taking notes. For example in your word processing software, type something up as you talk. Something like, This first paragraph will cover these points: Add some key words. Then help her think of a topic sentence for that paragraph. Then leave space for her to type the paragraph. Just cursor down. "OK. Paragraph two. What should that cover? What's the plan?" Then type a brief reminder of the plan into the document. Help her develop a topic sentence.

 

Cursor down to the approximate location of paragraph three. Repeat.

 

Then have her tackle the parts. When she is done, read through them. Help her decide if she met the goal. Does each paragraph accomplish something? Together, do they accomplish a larger goal? Self-evaluation is a BIG part of writing. Ultimately you set the bar. But it's important to ask questions and help her learn to see targets and arrows that nail those targets. Help her learn to ask, "Hmm... Did I hit that? Does this paragraph DO what I planned for it to do? Can I do better? Or have I nailed it?" Hard to do if you aren't sure what the paragraph was supposed to do. MUCH easier if you have a pre-determined target.

 

Once she (and you) are satisfied, delete the extra text - the training wheels. Read the composition through aloud from start to finish. Tweak it if you like. BUT USE that word processor to serve your daughter. If she isn't typing but is working on paper, use post-it notes that you can stick to the side of her paper in the approximate location.

 

I would tighten up your planning sessions. Help your dd see the overview before she starts writing. And be patient. Writing takes a different set of skills. You have to start with the big picture and zoom in. It's not paint by numbers. SO much of their school experience has been a paint-by-number experience up until this point. You just start in one corner and just do the next thing. Before long, you are done. It's a hard habit to break. You must plan if you are going to be an effective writer long-term. You have to zoom OUT and plan before you can get to work. Kids naturally resist it because it feels like extra work. It isn't. Ten minutes planning usually saves two hours of wasted effort.

 

Chin up, Roxanne. You are doing well. Really. Just keep moving forward. It may seem slow at first, but your engine will pick up speed. :001_smile:

 

Hope that helps,

Janice

 

Enjoy your little people

Enjoy your journey

 

Thank you so much for your encouragement, Janice. You are right, I need to spend more time helping my DD plan out her writing. I am going to print this out so I can have it beside me when we do our sessions.

[Colleen in NS]

I have my ds include a theme in his writing in addition to a topic. For example, in the Kepler write up the theme was persistance and in the titantic it was surprise. I suppose, I see the topic as the facts and the theme as the tone. The theme informs the facts to include and also informs the choice of language (i.e., adjectives, verbs). So with the Titantic report, he wanted to focus on the surprise, so he first showed how they were so trusting and not worried. Then, when things went bad, he could stress how unexpected it was.

 

I am guessing that SWB does not include the theme idea because it is more used in persuasive writing or even rhetoric. However, my ds like it because it helps him to figure out what to choose out of the list of facts on the day 4 writing assignment.

 

You just put into words what I see happening in WWS in the day 4 topoi exercises! Thanks for that explanation. Your post prompted me to look through the day 4 exercises, and sure enough, in week 4 day 4, "theme" is talked about - twice! Kids can figure out a theme from the given notes, or come up with a theme of their own. I haven't looked closely through the rest of the day 4 exercises (we are on week 12) to see if "theme" is specifically mentioned again; but I bet that if kids are following the WWS instructions, their minds actually are coming up with themes each time they go through the given notes and choose what they are going to include in their paragraphs. It just seems to me, when I look through the specific instructions, that coming up with a theme is one of the things that the exercises are designed to teach, without saying it outright each time. But I didn't realize it until I read your post, Ruth.

 

 

I think that all middle school kids have a long way to go. My understanding is that their learning speed really picks up, so there is still time for us to fix all their writing issues before college.

 

This has been my understanding (and experience so far) as well. I only have to look back a few years, where I see a pencil-phobic boy who had massive trouble writing two-sentence narrations, or a spelling/grammar-phobic girl who loved putting pencil to paper but not for school assignments. (hints of which can be seen in their unedited Titanic assignments in the other thread - ds's is brief; dd's is longer but has spelling/grammar errors) I see what they are capable of now and what their technical knowledge is (hints seen in their edited versions), and know that in a few more years more progress will have been made and voice/style/creativity will come out more, one assignment at a time.

[lewelma]

You just put into words what I see happening in WWS in the day 4 topoi exercises! Thanks for that explanation. Your post prompted me to look through the day 4 exercises, and sure enough, in week 4 day 4, "theme" is talked about - twice! Kids can figure out a theme from the given notes, or come up with a theme of their own. I haven't looked closely through the rest of the day 4 exercises (we are on week 12) to see if "theme" is specifically mentioned again; but I bet that if kids are following the WWS instructions, their minds actually are coming up with themes each time they go through the given notes and choose what they are going to include in their paragraphs. It just seems to me, when I look through the specific instructions, that coming up with a theme is one of the things that the exercises are designed to teach, without saying it outright each time. But I didn't realize it until I read your post, Ruth.

 

I just went back and looked at week 4, and yes she does use the word "theme." But she is not quite talking about what I am talking about. Her possible themes are: Alexander's invasions, Alexander's early life, The beginning of Alexander's reign, the end of Alexander's life, and Alexander and Persia. I was using the word "topic" to describe this organizing theme of the paper that SWB is stressing in WWS. However, these connected facts do not inform your tone: the verbs, the adjectives, the emotion. So I don't just have my ds write a flat report about the facts of Alexander's early life; I ask the "who cares?" question. Why was Alexander's early life important to his later success? Did he see something that drove him to be a better leader? Was his life so easy that he was a lazy leader? This stuff may be too much for a middle schooler, but my ds(11) is connecting to it and it is helping.

 

Ruth

[lewelma]

I could not find his Alexander report, but I do have his smallpox report. I did not post it before, because we have edited it together, with me guiding and teaching him how to include connections and tone. So it is not really an example of his independent writing, but rather his edited writing.

 

This report shows the point I was trying to make in my previous post. DS has used Jenner's early life experience to explain his later life successes. This connection really helps the narrative in the second paragraph. This type of connection is slightly different than the overarching emotional theme I discussed before (surprise or persistence), but both create "flow" in a paper.

 

Like SaDonna, we did extra research to really understand the Jenner's discovery.

 

 

The Invention of the Vaccine

 

Smallpox was one of the most dangerous diseases of the 18th century. Half of everyone who caught the disease died, and survivors would be left with horrible pockmarks indefinitely. Unfortunately, there was no reliable way to stop this terrible disease. Sometimes doctors attempted to inoculate people against smallpox, by giving the patient a small dose of the smallpox virus to make the patient immune, but two percent of the patients that were inoculated would die.

 

Edward Jenner was inoculated against smallpox as a child, and although he did not die, the inoculation made him very sick. Edward Jenner was determined to find a better solution. After being trained as a doctor, Jenner noticed that milkmaids were not getting smallpox. Locally, it was believe that cowpox gave immunity to smallpox, which led Edward Jenner to study the relationship between the two diseases. He found that the local legend was true. As a consequence, he designed a new inoculation process, called vaccination, in which the harmless cowpox virus was used to make the patient immune to smallpox. In 1796 he vaccinated James Philipps, who got a small fever. Later, when Jenner tried to give him a mild case of smallpox, he found that Philipps was immune. Edward Jenner had invented the vaccine.

Edited November 22, 2011 by lewelma

[Colleen in NS]

...I see the topic as the facts and the theme as the tone.

 

Oops, I missed this part. Sorry to have made you re-explain!

 

I just went back and looked at week 4, and yes she does use the word "theme." But she is not quite talking about what I am talking about. ...I ask the "who cares?" question.

 

Ah, yes, I totally misunderstood. Sorry!

[lewelma]

Oops, I missed this part. Sorry to have made you re-explain!

 

Well, my fault for confounding her terms with my own. :tongue_smilie: Let's stick with WWS "theme" for the facts you choose from the outline, and I will simply talk about "tone/mood" (or a better term if I can think of one) for that overarching, connecting idea/feeling that links all the facts in the theme together.

 

Sorry for the muddle.

 

Ruth

[Create Your Ritual]

However, these connected facts do not inform your tone: the verbs, the adjectives, the emotion. So I don't just have my ds write a flat report about the facts of Alexander's early life; I ask the "who cares?" question. Why was Alexander's early life important to his later success? Did he see something that drove him to be a better leader? Was his life so easy that he was a lazy leader? This stuff may be too much for a middle schooler, but my ds(11) is connecting to it and it is helping.

Ruth

 

I do think this is so important and something that we haven't concentrated on as of yet. You are absolutely right though in saying that the verbs and the adjectives you choose really set the tone of the whole paper and help carry your 'theme' along. Whether that theme is the destructive elements of a volcano, or the surprise and astonishment within the Titanic story, you definitely have a better narrative when you carry it throughout the paper. At least in my opinion.. and I am a humble beginner. lol

 

The two room description examples are a good example, as just by changing the adjectives and verbs it creates an entirely different mood. I don't think that is something many kids will innately pick up on.