I'm torn and could use some opinions

[Journey]

I used to be the type of person who was very confrontational and I think I kind of liked drama. Not.anymore.though. I detest both of those things. I have a situation though that is eating at me and I feel like, if I don't confront it, then it will turn into bitterness and I don't want that to happen. I have a friend. We've been friends for about 3 years now. She runs a therapuetic riding program and to earn extra money she hosts pony parties for different events. My daughters and I would do most of the "away" pony parties and we would earn $75 for an hour's worth of work. Easy money if you ask me and I really counted on that money during the summer months and my friend knows that. So we did the PP's for about two summers up until this summer. I might add that we got tips for almost every party that we did. Well, there is a family that helps my friend out with her riding program. It's a mom, dad and two daughters and these people spend every.mintue.of.their.day at her farm. I think they don't do anything else. The father helps with building maintainence and the three girls feed the horses, clean stalls, help with the therapy kids etc. My older daughter used to go over every weekend and help with the therapy too. BUT...this family has come to think that THEY own the farm...they are bossy as the day is long, know NOTHING about horses (we are horse owners and have been for several years)but we don't push that down their throats even when we see them doing something "wrong" as it's not our farm and we don't want to get invovled...we've told my friend some things that these people have done and she says she takes care of it...anyway, this summer these people have gotten all of the PP's except for 2 this summer which were, literally, in the ghetto. I know the mom didn't those parties because of where they were located. I've talked to my friend about this and she gave me a bogus excuse. She knows we need the money because of a large vet bill for one of our animals, besides the extra money is always helpful. I am so angry, hurt and upset about this and part of me wants to yell at her, part of me wants her to know how hurt I am and part of me wants to tell her to take a hike. I want to know why she is giving those people ALL of the parties....and giving us none and I want her to be truthful. I'm too much of a coward to ask her in person so I was thinking of e-mailing her but part of me doesn't feel like dealing with the drama that might ensue. I'm just so upset about this and I want to put it behind me.

[Alenee]

I would stop and think about the reasons you're upset and see if after a week or two, the anger dies down. I had a situation recently where I was so angry, I was literally sick to my stomach when I thought about it. I knew talking it out while still angry would never work so I waited about two weeks for it to die down and so that I could examine my own heart. By the time I had an opportunity to discuss it, I was much more in control of my emotions and it worked out well. :grouphug:

[livingnlearning]

Honestly, I think your anger and "seething" feeling is your frustration at your financial stress and powerless more so than anything that you can take up with this pony person. She is a perfect target for your anger, frustration and energy but it's not worth doing. She doesn't care-she's replaced you with this other family and has moved on. You're better off to spend the energy finding another situation and move on yourself without burning any bridges or indulging in a fuss. Take the high road and force yourself to move on instead of thrash around in this already-done situation.

[bettyandbob]

I think you weren't as close with this person as you thought and she has become better friends with the other family (even if they aren't horse people).

 

I think you need to back off from the friendship and also look for other financial opportunities.

[Liz CA]

That would be hurtful. Is there a possibility that the other family needs the money more than you do? Is your friend being nice to them so they can get by?

 

I would wait a little too because I have said and done things in anger that I always come to regret. Let it sit for a while, pray about it (if you are the praying kind) and wait a week or so. When you feel you can have a calm conversation with your friend without a lot of emotion, perhaps try it. So much depends on how mature people are. Only you know how she would take it.

[Journey]

That's the thing, I don't want to react in anger and I want to wait or even try to forget about it but it really bugs me. The other family is a mom and dad family where I (and my friend) are single moms so she knows what it's like to struggle as she is struggling too. I think she allows these people to act this way because they do so much for her and I just can't because I don't have the time, and really, I don't want to spend all of my free time over at her barn. She knows she can (could!) count on me for things and all she had to do was call and I or my girls would be there to help but with my 3 jobs and my other commitments, I just don't have the time. I know I have to let this go or else I could say something really rude to her and I don't want that to happen. I am just tired of people (at least many of the people that I know) being so selfish and untruthful, I have enough of that in my family right now, I sure don't want it trickeling down to my friends. I really wish I didn't care so much! THanks for listening you guys!

[NanceXToo]

Well, it sounds like they do an awful lot for her and she has become both friendly with them and feeling obligated to do something in return for them, so she used them with those parties. Who knows, maybe she even pays them less than what she paid you. Or giving them the parties is a payment for all the help they are giving her. This may help her financially (you said she struggles, too).

 

I know the loss of income must be hard and maybe there's a sense of betrayal there, but the truth is, you didn't have any sort of "contract" with her and she was under no obligation to continually give you parties. If she's decided this other family works out better for her to use for whatever the reason, there's really nothing you can do about it and I'm not sure "confronting" or guilt-tripping her is the answer. You just need to decide whether you want to remain friendly with her and allow her the space to make her own decisions on this.