Ramblings - Aspergers - friends - loneliness

[Night Elf]

I'm reading a book on autism titled Through the Glass Wall: Journeys into the Closed-Off Worlds of the Autistic by Howard Buten, PH.D. I've gotten to the part where he mentions Aspergers (my ds15 is an Aspie) and I came across a concept that I didn't realize was realized by anyone else. It refers to the glass wall, hence the title I suppose.

 

It says Aspies can have "the 'air of aloneness' that Leo Kanner described, the glass wall."

 

This is how I've described myself for years and years! In my early 20s, I wrote a poem about how I feel like I am inside a glass box with other people walking around freely and interacting with one another but kind of skirting around the boundaries of my box like I'm not quite there. I only have 1 window on 1 side of my box that allows for interactions. This is how I've described how and why I haven't had many friends.

 

So I got to thinking about the friends I've had in my life. I counted 7 from birth to present, age 43. I had 2 great friends in elementary school before I moved out of state. I had 2 friends, not at the same time, in grades 6 through 8. I had one great friend for a year when we were 17. The next was someone I met in college at age 20, but she graduated and moved away about a year after we met. And the last one was someone I met through a homeschool group in my late 30s. Once we lost contact, it was never reestablished, so none of them were what I would call a long-term friendship. I have had acquaintances throughout the years but no one I would call a friend. Those were more the polite small talk kind of relationships.

 

Is the number of my friends unusual? Does it seem about right or really low? Not only am I sad that I've only had 7 friends, but I'm sad at just how staggered they were. I've gone long stretches without girl-friends. I did date lots of guys but that isn't the same thing as having a friend, a buddy, a confidant.

 

I wonder how my children would respond to that vision of mine, especially ds15 who has Aspergers. Interesting.

[Chris in VA]

So do you think you may be an Aspie, too? Does tend to run in families. I think I have a place on the spectrum somewhere (well, everyone does--it is a spectrum, after all! :D). Ds is Aspie. I have to catch myself in conversations, because I "link" to too much information--someone will mention something and I can come up with my own experiential example in a heartbeat, and used to share every thought.

 

Anyway--that may be another example of the above. :D

[Night Elf]

So do you think you may be an Aspie, too? Does tend to run in families. I think I have a place on the spectrum somewhere (well, everyone does--it is a spectrum, after all! :D). Ds is Aspie. I have to catch myself in conversations, because I "link" to too much information--someone will mention something and I can come up with my own experiential example in a heartbeat, and used to share every thought.

 

Anyway--that may be another example of the above. :D

 

Yeah, I do the same thing in conversations, particularly on this board. :D I've actually been canceling many responses because I remind myself that I do not always need to jump in with a story. It's really hard though.

 

I think it's possible for me to be on the spectrum. I've been diagnosed with mood and anxiety conditions. I don't know how a spectrum disorder would fit in with all of that; but so many conditions are comorbid, there is just no telling.

 

My ds15 was just telling me the other day, he wished he was more like others. All I could do was hug him and tell him I could totally relate to that.

[LittleIzumi]

So do you think you may be an Aspie, too? Does tend to run in families. I think I have a place on the spectrum somewhere (well, everyone does--it is a spectrum, after all! :D). Ds is Aspie. I have to catch myself in conversations, because I "link" to too much information--someone will mention something and I can come up with my own experiential example in a heartbeat, and used to share every thought.

 

Anyway--that may be another example of the above. :D

 

Ah. So you're not supposed to jump in with a story every time? :blush: Or write poems about being separate from the world, just watching it? Or have only 0-1 real friends at a time, ever?

 

I swear, this board has me convinced I'm an ADD Aspie half the time :tongue_smilie:. Maybe I am. I was hoping I was just weird, lol.