texasmama Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 My life is a psalm. Without the justice wrap up. Yet.:grouphug: This is the middle of the story.:grouphug: In no way does my situation with my ex and my oldest compare in many ways, but I have had to let go of her in ways that seem very unnatural to my core as a mother and in ways that others dont' always understand. I know what is in my heart. I know what I can do in a practical sense. She is okay, more than okay. I am not always okay. That is the job of "mother", I think.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 My life is a psalm. Without the justice wrap up. I've come to see the wisdom of living "now" and not wallowing around elsewhere too much. Life indeed isn't fair, and we often don't see justice in this life. There's lots in my life to be unhappy about, but I can't do a thing about the majority of it, so I accept and do what I can where I can. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 I'd have to offer notice of mediation, and schedule one. XH would be required to attend. If mediation didn't work, we agreed to binding arbitration. (Takes a lot less time and money than Family Court). I just told the family. I told Andrew that I will not, ever, do what has been done for all these years. I will not create secrets, plans, coerce or manipulate him. If, however, he does want to move back, he just has to tell me. I told him he's welcome to approach me anytime but I will not approach him. I made sure they understood that no matter what their Dad said, his wife said, or their step-siblings said, this was NOTHING against me or Adrian. I told them the truth; it was about Andrew's age and desire combined with it is a better educational setting. I handled it well (except for what I called the step siblings :lol: ) In any case, I then went to the bedroom and cried unlike any cry I've ever had. Being a mom has been the center of my universe, my being, my core, my priorities for 16 years. I should *not* be losing a son to the man who abdicated daily parenting for the 10 years he had the opporunity to chose differently. And I should NOT be losing my son to a family dynamic of lies, cheating, manipulation, and superficiality. My life is a psalm. Without the justice wrap up. :grouphug: I am thinking of you today, and praying. I know my situation is not nearly the same, but I offer it anyway. Years ago someone very dear and darling to me made it clear that she wanted nothing to do with me. This was someone I had "parented" in many ways over many years--I was not her mother, but I had most definitely filled a mothering role in her life from the first. When this happened, I remember waking dh up in the night with my deep, full-body, gasping sobs. I cannot imagine how much harder it would have been had this happened with my own child as has happened with you. In my situation, this dear and darling person was awful and horribly cold for three years. I had to clamp my teeth shut and not react to a lot of meanness. At the end of it, miraculously, this person started to thaw a bit--things were awkward but better. Then she wrote me a letter, apologizing and asking my forgiveness and telling me thank you for loving her. I will never, ever forget reading that letter, and how glad I was even as I was skeptical and wasn't able to believe that she would be consistent with the things she expressed in her letter. Even more miraculously, this person has continued in a loving relationship with me from that time. I still act in many ways as mother to her. She had experienced some very hard things, and in processing those things as an adolescent (age17-20ish) had locked herself away from the people who loved her. I took the brunt of that. I'm so thankful now to be so close with this loved one of mine. I can tell you though, that I never thought we would have this kind of restoration back when we were in the middle of those hard years. Remembering my own pain, please know that I lift yours up in prayer. May God bless your son to grow in love and maturity, give you strength to walk a hard path, and may God let the truth be known in all things. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 though I can only imagine it must feel that way. ((((Joanne)))) My Dad had a lot of regrets about our childhoods, and I used to remind him that we were children in his house for 18 years, but his "adult" children for many more than that. Though as it turned out for us, not as many as I would have liked. You have been a great "in house" Mom for 16 years, and like my Dad, you will be a wonderful mother to an adult son - hopefully for 40 years or more! So you have this brief few years when you will have to be the "visitation Mom" and I know it will be hard on you. But you will do a good job with that too, and you aren't really losing him, just redefining things in ways that are painful. ((((Joanne))))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmyP Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NoPlaceLikeHome Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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