Tohru Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 (edited) I am nearly in tears for my ds, 14yo because of his friend(less) situation. He has some hs teen friends that are part of a group that recently started (last October.) This is the only group of homeschool teens in our area and none of the families have younger siblings. My dd is 3yo and we're expecting another little one this autumn. Needless to say there are things that my son can't do because non-teen siblings are not welcome. My husband has taken my son a few times to the teen events but he does not like hanging out with the women, so he sits in the car for an hour or two waiting... It breaks my heart since he misses these get-togethers. They are not drop-off and generally all the moms stay and hang out. Maybe I just feel left out, especially since I knew all the women individually before the group started up. :001_unsure: Actually there is only one woman in particular that ever has issues with me bringing my dd to any teen event. I've known her for many years and we've never really gotten along well. She seems to be the one that has taken over the coordinator role, saying no non-teen siblings allowed. Today I'm most bothered because there is a special-events park day my ds was looking forward to attending, however the notice specifically says no non-teen siblings. I'm starting to feel like it is a personal attack! I mean, it's a public park. There will be other families with children there. Why couldn't I take my son and let my dd play at the playground, away from the park area? I need sympathy and to know I'm not the only one with these struggles. It's so hard. Edited May 18, 2011 by jadedone80 grammatical errors Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 I am nearly in tears for my ds, 14yo because of his friend(less) situation. He has some hs teen friends that are part of a group that recently started (last October.) This is the only group of homeschool teens in our area and none of the families have younger siblings. My dd is 3yo and we're expecting another little one this autumn. Needless to say there are things that my son can't do because non-teen siblings are not welcome. My husband has taken my son a few times to the teen events but he does not like hanging out with the women, so he sits in the car for an hour or two waiting... It breaks my heart since he misses these get-togethers. They are not drop-off and generally all the moms stay and hang out. Maybe I just feel left out, especially since I knew all the women individually before the group started up. :001_unsure: Actually there is only one woman in particular that ever has issues with me bringing my dd to any teen event. I've known her for many years and we've never really gotten along well. She seems to be the one that has taken over the coordinator role, saying no non-teen siblings allowed. The other day there was a boffer-building event and she told me they weren't going to try out their boffers afterwards, they were just going home. Then I found out from 2 other women that the teens did hangout and had boffer fights for 2-3 hours after they built them. When I told my son, his eyes watered up. No one called us. We could've come to that part. They knew it was something he really wanted to do :( Today I'm most bothered because there is a special-events park day my ds was looking forward to attending, however the notice specifically says no-siblings. I'm starting to feel like it is a personal attack! I mean, it's a public park. There will be other families with children there. Why couldn't I take my son go and I could let my dd play at the playground? I need sympathy and to know I'm not the only one with these struggles. It's so hard. I'd go and do exactly that, take your dd to the park. Act confident, and say HI, I know this is a no sibling event, so we will be over there. And leave it at that. And then set up some events yourself maybe, that are sibling friendly? I think learning to have fun around multiple ages is a great thing, and at my son's middle school events all the teen girls want to hold and play with my 1 year old, lol. It's like free babysitting. But if they didn't I'd put her in the stroller and walk around. In fact, the other day it was a swimming party. My 1 year old had a fever. So I showed up, and talked to one of the friendlier moms and asked if she would mind if I left my son and drove the baby around the neighborhood in the cool van so she could nap. I left my cell phone number and they had no problem. I am in a similar situation, as my son is 11 and my baby is 1, so I do feel for you. The only tihng that worked for us was to create our own activities. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 at fourteen, it seems silly to me for every child to have a parent attend. We have a pretty active group of friends, and it's nothing for me to have my 13 year olds and someone else's too. I have friends who would take my boys, I would take theirs. I think it's a bit odd for the parents of every single 14 year old to be in attendance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 I don't understand why you don't take ds and leave the little kids with dh? If dh doesn't want to stay with ds, then he shouldn't have a problem with you going instead. I'm in the same boat, but I tend to understand the other side more. It is very frustrating to plan an event for older kids and have twice that amount show up that are little ones. They get loud and distracting and the teens get annoyed and don't want to come. If it is a play ground type option, then I would go but be very clear to younger sibling that she is not to in any way interfere with brother's event. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tohru Posted May 17, 2011 Author Share Posted May 17, 2011 I don't understand why you don't take ds and leave the little kids with dh?If dh doesn't want to stay with ds, then he shouldn't have a problem with you going instead. My husband works most the time. My dd has severe separation anxiety. We have planned teen activities, that's how I know most the women. But being pregnant, I don't have the energy right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 My husband works most the time. My dd has severe separation anxiety. We have planned teen activities, that's how I know most the women. But being pregnant, I don't have the energy right now. I understand working husbands, but if he is not at work - then I would leave him with the littles and go. It will serve the double purpose of helping dd get over some of her separation issues. I would absolutely not be okay with her not being okay with being left with even dad. He is dad and she needs to be able to be left with him. I am NOT a babysitter kind of mom. Most of my kids have never been left with anyone other than dad unless I was in labor. I understand being pregnant and tired. Gotta get up and go anyways. Or if not, I wouldn't be mad at the moms for planning without you. It is simply the way it normally goes. Those in attendance most are going to have the most say, so if you don't go - your voice won't be heard. :grouphug: Stinks, but I understand it from both sides. Also, I don't like drop off events either. I don't mind organizing an event for a bunch of teens, but that does not mean I want to supervise all those teens too. If moms want to buddy up and share staying so they don't have to both stay, that wouldn't bother me. Are you or your son close enough to any of the other moms to give them a call and ask if you can trade staying at events so you can participate more? Granted, you would still have to work out something half the time, but maybe that would be possible? Lots of sympathy. It's an exhausting frustrating balancing act and sacrifice.:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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