ODD - getting worse

[dsmith]

Ds and I were making progress dealing with his ODD, but lately his defiant behaviour is getting worse. There are times where he just doesn't even acknowledge me at all. School hasn't been getting done, and I've had to take a break from even trying to do school with him. I'm starting to feel that his behaviour problems are affecting my health and mental well-being now. I spend my day crying, and I know my blood pressure is through the roof. I'm calling my doctor tomorrow for antidepressants and hopefully a tranquilizer, it's that bad. Don't know what I'm asking for here - just have to get it off my chest. I love my son, but I just don't like him lately. How sad is that??

[emmn]

I think we all have moments that we feel this way about our kids, even though we love them. I will pray for you.:grouphug:

[dsmith]

Thank you for your prayers and kind words.

 

 

I think we all have moments that we feel this way about our kids, even though we love them. I will pray for you.:grouphug:

[moriah]

and you have it from me, many many days like you are describing. Sometimes I just have to pray and ask God for all the patience and super human strength that He can give me.

With that said, I'm wondering if it would work to do an allowance based on schoolwork. This is what I have tried and it seems to help get my ds to do things that he doesn't want to do. He gets money at the end of the week for completing stuff and a little more if its an extraordinary effort. I use that time to tell him how I experienced the week ie. "I heard alot of complaining and if I hear that next week, you will only get half the money at the end of the week". Although my ds tries to pin me down on what is worth how much money, like "how much if I get my english done, Mom" I resist allowing him to itemize. I evaluate how much got done, what effort I saw and what the "atmosphere" was like. He gets bonuses for finishing a book, workbook, etc. so the last half of a workbook usually goes pretty well. He is starting to negociate like "if I get all my teaching textbook lessons done on the CD, can I get extra money" My dh feels it is important to teach him early that if he doesn't work, he doesn't get "paid" My ds uses his money for lego sets etc, he always has some thing he wants to buy. I realize that this may only work for certain kids, but I thought I might throw it out there.

Moriah

[virtual_twins_mom]

Ds and I were making progress dealing with his ODD, but lately his defiant behaviour is getting worse. There are times where he just doesn't even acknowledge me at all. School hasn't been getting done, and I've had to take a break from even trying to do school with him. I'm starting to feel that his behaviour problems are affecting my health and mental well-being now. I spend my day crying, and I know my blood pressure is through the roof. I'm calling my doctor tomorrow for antidepressants and hopefully a tranquilizer, it's that bad. Don't know what I'm asking for here - just have to get it off my chest. I love my son, but I just don't like him lately. How sad is that??

 

Oh my friend how my heart aches for you. You see, my ds and I also deal with his ODD (among other things). Are you working with a psychiatrist regarding his ODD? My ds finally has his meds balanced for him. While meds can't take away the behaviors, they make it possible to work on them. I often say to my friends, "His meds make me feel so much better!" LOL

 

Taking care of yourself is absolutely necessary. We are no good to anyone if we can't function. I don't know about you, but it's difficult for me to ask for help...I think I should be able to handle this on my own....etc. The truth is - these kids can be really tough. We need a good support system so that we can get the respite that we need. Our extended family will not keep our ds overnight. Fortunately I have one friend who will. It is so much more peaceful when ds is away. We love him and like him (most of the time now), but he keeps the family in a state of irritation mixed with frustration almost every day.

 

There have been days when I've cried and cried; when I've thought, "I just can't do this anymore." And, yes, my medications help me make it through. Unless someone has or is living this, they can't truly understand what it is like. You are not over-reacting. This is tough stuff we're dealing with here. That said, though, there will be better days. If what you're doing right now isn't working (i.e. the "target" has changed), then you'll have to get a new strategy. My "target" changes about every 6 months or so. Just when I think we've got a good system in place, then BAM, we have to change tactics.

 

I'm prayin' for ya; we're all in this together! ;)

[dsmith]

Thanks for the responses and ideas. I've decided to take a breather from school and regroup. I've also made an appt. for myself to discuss meds. I know part of the problem is with how I am handling things. I have tried doing a pay for schoolwork system, but it was undermined by others who shall remain unnamed.:D I'm going to have a family discussion about starting that again. It was very helpful the first few weeks. As long as family members aren't handing him money it should help. I think it's important that the whole family is on the same page. We had been seeing a counselor with ds, but not since we moved. It's much more expensive around here, but I could travel if I have to. Lots to think about!