Transistioning Ds13 from Book Reports to Essays

[Jean in Newcastle]

I am trying to transition Ds13 from writing book reports to essays which argue an actual thesis. Because he is refusing to listen to any actual instruction on the subject he's doing this the hard way by having to do it multiple times.

 

Here is his initial book report:

 

The Hiding Place

 

The Hiding Place, by Corrie ten Boom, is an auto-biography detailing the author’s experiences during World War 2. In doing so, it shows how God had worked in her life.

 

God had had a plan for her life: after her release, she found a ministry telling people about her experiences in the prison, and about how God had helped her through. Had God not arranged her release, she would not have had a chance to share God’s love and His light in the midst of trouble. God kept her safe throughout her life, while many died for Him. She was able to share some of their stories, and help people to see God’s great love for them. Even the death of her cousin Betsy was planed. That death opened the eyes of many people to God’s light, and freed her from the pain and suffering she experienced at the end. Corrie learned that when God calls someone home, it is perfectly timed. From Betsy, Corrie learned to be thankful in all circumstances for all things. Even the smallest things can help, as Paul said in the Bible: “For all things work together for good, for those who love Him, and for those who are called according to His purpose.”

 

Corrie later was able to show people how this was in her life. Even fleas, and even the much-despised Nazis could be forgiven, because however much evil they had done, God still loved them, His creatures. No matter how much Satan twists, no matter how much we disobey, we still fulfill a purpose. Corrie was able to do that, because of the clerk’s “error”, and because of the opportunities God had given her.

 

We talked about how an essay argues for something in its thesis. He told me that his thesis would be that God works in people's lives instead of it being just luck.

Here is his rough draft of his essay: I would like feedback on how to improve his essay.

 

God is always working in our lives. For example, in The Hiding Place, by Corrie ten Boom, we see how God kept the author safe in the midst of WWII.

 

During the first 5 years of the war, Corrie had helped hide Jews from the Nazis. Several times, the Nazis had nearly discovered her, and every time God had sent something (or someone) to help her. After a friend had been captured, Corrie was taken to the Copenhagen prison, and then the Ravensbruke concentration camp in Germany with her sister, Betsie. In the midst of the suffering, Corrie learned about how even the fleas that caused so many problems could help, keeping some of the soldiers away. God had kept her from any major harm, all the time she had been there. Her sister died there, and eventually, Corrie learned that even something as horrible as death could still be a blessing: Betsie no longer had to deal with the fleas, her illness, and all the suffering.

 

Many years after Corrie was released, she found out that, had God not been looking out for her, she would have been on a list of women to be executed. She was able to share this story, and the stories of others, with many people, telling them about God’s good news, and how He looks after his own.

 

In the Bible, it says, “For all things work together for good, for those who love him, for those who are called according to His purpose.” It may not be readily apparent, but God is always working in our lives, and we should be thankful for all he has done for us.

Edited March 25, 2011 by Jean in Newcastle

[Capt_Uhura]

Well, since no one else is piping up, I'll start the discussion. Keep in mind, I am not a writing teacher nor did I major in the humanities. :D I've been grappling with the definition of the word essay. We had this discussion in the Florence Nightingale thread and two posters wrote that an essay must have a arguable thesis. If everyone would agree w/ it, then it's not a thesis. The essay there was about Florence Nightingale's heroism .... no one would argue against that. A poster suggested that the thesis could have been "Heroism is defined as X,Y,X and this is exemplified by Florence Nightingale."

 

So as I read your son's essay, and I must add that I am not a religious person so perhaps my bias is clouding my judgement somehow, but if he's writing this to a Christian or God-believeing audience, would they disagree with him? Is it really an arguable thesis? Conversely, if it's for a secular audience, could he really refute it wasn't luck?

 

From "The Lively Art of Writing"

"Every opinion that you are considering as a potential essay topic, then, should be checked against these questions:

1. Can a valid argument be made against it?

2. Can I defend it logically against this argument?

 

IF you can answer "yes" to both these questions, you can be reasonably sure that you are on the trail of an interesting essay topic.

 

So I would like to have discussion regarding this and I hope others join the conversation. :001_smile:

[Jean in Newcastle]

Captain Uhura, you nailed my confusion and questions on this topic exactly. His reply to me is that many of his friends would say that it was luck, so he sees it as an arguable premise.

[Kuovonne]

I too struggled with figuring out what to make of this essay. I ended up looking for a summary of the book before responding so that I could get a better idea of which ideas came from ten Boom and which were your son's.

 

I can see how your son wants to defend his premise to his friends who disagree. However, due to the nature of faith, it is impossible to "prove" that God was behind the events. A person either believes God's hand was involved or doesn't. If someone already believes, you can look at ten Boom's life for examples of how God worked in her life, but you cannot flip it around. ("If A then B," does not imply "if B then A.")

 

Perhaps your son could take a different approach to this essay. Instead of arguing that that God was in control of ten Boom's life, he could summarize why ten Boom believed that God was in control and how her faith was affected by the horrific events in her life. For example, your son could discuss events in the book as they fall into the following categories:

- events where her choices were affected by her faith in God

- events that she believed were caused by God, because they were unlikely

- events that she believed were blessings from God, even though they were unpleasant

 

Even so, such a composition would not have an "arguable premise."

 

You might want your son to work on writing about a narrowly defined topic and organizing his thoughts into focused paragraphs before tackling arguing a thesis. Another possibility is for *you* to pick a thesis for him until he has a better understanding of what is arguable and what isn't.

 

You son does a find job of putting his thoughts into words on paper, and the other mechnical aspects of writing. He could use some work on sifting through those underlying ideas.

Edited March 26, 2011 by Kuovonne

[Capt_Uhura]

 

Perhaps your son could take a different approach to this essay. Instead of arguing that that God was in control of ten Boom's life, he could summarize why ten Boom believed that God was in control and how her faith was affected by the horrific events in her life. For example, your son could discuss events in the book as they fall into the following categories:

- events where her choices were affected by her faith in God

- events that she believed were caused by God, because they were unlikely

- events that she believed were blessings from God, even though they were unpleasant

 

Even so, such a composition would not have an "arguable premise."

 

Brilliant! Yes, that is what my mind was grasping for!

 

You see Kuovonne, I've learned so much from you already! :001_smile:

 

Capt Uhura

[Jean in Newcastle]

I too struggled with figuring out what to make of this essay. I ended up looking for a summary of the book before responding so that I could get a better idea of which ideas came from ten Boom and which were your son's.

 

I can see how your son wants to defend his premise to his friends who disagree. However, due to the nature of faith, it is impossible to "prove" that God was behind the events. A person either believes God's hand was involved or doesn't. If someone already believes, you can look at ten Boom's life for examples of how God worked in her life, but you cannot flip it around. ("If A then B," does not imply "if B then A.")

 

Perhaps your son could take a different approach to this essay. Instead of arguing that that God was in control of ten Boom's life, he could summarize why ten Boom believed that God was in control and how her faith was affected by the horrific events in her life. For example, your son could discuss events in the book as they fall into the following categories:

- events where her choices were affected by her faith in God

- events that she believed were caused by God, because they were unlikely

- events that she believed were blessings from God, even though they were unpleasant

 

Even so, such a composition would not have an "arguable premise."

 

You might want your son to work on writing about a narrowly defined topic and organizing his thoughts into focused paragraphs before tackling arguing a thesis. Another possibility is for *you* to pick a thesis for him until he has a better understanding of what is arguable and what isn't.

 

You son does a find job of putting his thoughts into words on paper, and the other mechnical aspects of writing. He could use some work on sifting though those underlying ideas.

 

Thank you. This helps a lot. And I do agree that I should start to pick the thesis for him. I think I'm learning as much, if not more, about all this than he is!

[In The Great White North]

"Every opinion that you are considering as a potential essay topic, then, should be checked against these questions:

1. Can a valid argument be made against it?

2. Can I defend it logically against this argument?

 

IF you can answer "yes" to both these questions, you can be reasonably sure that you are on the trail of an interesting essay topic.

 

 

The validity and logic (or lack thereof) of the arguments might not be obvious to a 13 year old. This is where writing an essay to defend your thesis, then rewriting it to refute your thesis is enlightening.

[Jean in Newcastle]

The validity and logic (or lack thereof) of the arguments might not be obvious to a 13 year old. This is where writing an essay to defend your thesis, then rewriting it to refute your thesis is enlightening.

 

Good idea!