Parents of children who are in a performance-related field...

[Donna]

Not really sure how to phrase the title but I was wondering if there are any of you out there who have children who are performers.

 

I am not talking about taking music lessons or in local plays and orchestras but on a bigger scale...TV, commercials, movies, Broadway musicals, playing with major orchestras or touring, etc...

 

I am trying to figure out the best way to parent a child whose life is not going at all in the direction I imagined when we gave in to her desires to pick up a violin. I want to provide her with the guidance she needs to still be a normal kid and am trying to figure out how to fit her current opportunities into our definition of normal.

 

A friend mentioned that looking at children in other performance-related fields might help. Some child "stars" grow up to be productive adults while others "crash and burn." I am looking for those factors that make the difference.

[Beth in OH]

Is your dd already touring/performing or are you merely wanting to prepare her for it? Ah, wait--I just checked your blog and see that she is already performing (with her sibs?). My dds didn't do this on anything other than a local scale, but when we were doing the Suzuki violin thing many years ago, we ran across a family who was performing more widely. The violinist, Megan Mullins, is actively performing in the national music scene. Here's her facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/meganmullinsmusic. If you Google her, you'll find a bunch of videos, etc. If you don't think it's too creepy, you might message her and ask some questions about what it was like.

Edited March 15, 2011 by Beth in OH

[Donna]

Thanks, Beth. Yes, she performs with her brothers and they have been for a few years locally. I haven't really had a problem dealing with it all locally. They have been taught how to handle comments from others and we talk a lot about different people having different talents...pointing out what they are. They all spend time with other kids their own age as well as other people with similar interests.

 

They are getting a bit wider attention now especially dd who is being noticed on a much broader scale. I want to do things the right way now because I feel like we are riding a downhill snowball and quickly gaining steam.

 

I will check out the link.

[Beth in OH]

Do you have some particular areas you want to talk about? e.g. managing school, what if sibs don't share peformance goals, long-term performance goals and being prepared musically, financial commitment?

 

None of my kids did paid performing while they were young; however, they have been very aggressively pursuing careers in music since they were 5. This included things like participating in national competitions, extensive amounts of chamber music performance (including travel), flying to NYC for an afternoon to take a lesson w/ a particular teacher, attending well-known music camps, and this year, youngest dd attending boarding school at Interlochen Arts Academy so she can be immersed in the music world. We have faced all of the issues I outlined above, although we didn't come out on the side of touring type performance (kids were not interested in developing those opportunities--would have considered it if they had been.)

 

If anything I've said strikes a chord (ha!ha! great pun!), I'd be happy to discuss!

 

Beth

[Donna]

Do you have some particular areas you want to talk about? e.g. managing school, what if sibs don't share peformance goals, long-term performance goals and being prepared musically, financial commitment?

 

None of my kids did paid performing while they were young; however, they have been very aggressively pursuing careers in music since they were 5. This included things like participating in national competitions, extensive amounts of chamber music performance (including travel), flying to NYC for an afternoon to take a lesson w/ a particular teacher, attending well-known music camps, and this year, youngest dd attending boarding school at Interlochen Arts Academy so she can be immersed in the music world. We have faced all of the issues I outlined above, although we didn't come out on the side of touring type performance (kids were not interested in developing those opportunities--would have considered it if they had been.)

 

If anything I've said strikes a chord (ha!ha! great pun!), I'd be happy to discuss!

 

Beth

 

Right now, I think we are doing fine with most of the aspects you mentioned. Balancing all the kids needs will always be an issue but it helps that they often perform together. I can handle all the time commitments.

 

The financial thing we are taking a step at a time. It seems that a scholarship or some other type of assistance has generally been available for those things we thought we might not be able to afford and for other things we are willing to make sacrifices. She has done national and international competitions with her fiddling but we haven't entered that arena with the classical music.

 

We homeschool so have been able to juggle school with practice schedules, orchestra rehearsals, gigs, concerts, workshops, and lessons.

 

My biggest concern is keeping her humble but at the same time keeping her confidence. She is sweet and confident but not obnoxious about it. It is one thing when people who are attending events make comments about your talents, non-musical people (who are generally appeased with a thankyou or a simple comment about loving to practice) but I cannot even imagine what it must be like to be her and have many of the greatest people in your musical genre telling you you are the best they've ever seen for your age and also getting to share the stage with them. Maybe since she's been doing it as long as she can remember it isn't as big a deal to her. I hope that is the case.

 

I would love to know how other parents have maintained a sense of normalcy when their lives just aren't all that normal.

[Mejane]

 

I would love to know how other parents have maintained a sense of normalcy when their lives just aren't all that normal.

 

We know quite a few kids who have toured and also been on Broadway. One girl has done three BW shows, a tour, many tv commercials, and is currently voicing a character in a kids' tv series while doing a BW show. To be perfectly honest, her life (and that of her mother) is anything but "normal." We live in CT, and they spend almost every day in NYC either working or auditioning when they are not on tour. She is homeschooled, and her brother attends ps and is parented for the most part by the dad.

 

This girl is eleven and she's still pretty sweet (although I can see hints of "look at me" creeping in), but I know some kids who let it go to their heads. Or maybe I should say their parents let it go to their heads. ;) I think if you can keep a sane head on your shoulders, your daughter should be able to as well.

 

Good luck to you. My son did theater for a few years and we did the NYC thing, but did not enjoy it. I was so thankful when he decided to pursue dance locally instead. :)

Edited March 16, 2011 by Mejane

[Donna]

Or maybe I should say their parents let it go to their heads. ;) I think if you can keep a sane head on your shoulders, your daughter should be able to as well. :)

 

I agree with you on this one.

 

Maybe I need to do some research though I imagine most stories might lean in one direction or another depending on who is telling them and what their motives might be but I was wondering if who the driving force is in situations like this...if it makes a difference if it is the parent's dream for the child to do these types of things or if it is the child's desire and the parent just provides/allows the opportunities?