To Chose that have many children & Hubby working alot

[Tanya in KS]

This note is to those that have many children (I have 8 (one is out of the home)) AND your hubby work LONG hours. How do you cope????

 

We have no family near us. A good small church for support.

 

In the day to day grind though, when you just want to run away and SCREAM, how do you cope? How do you get through?

 

me who is feeling lonely and "single"

[Mrs Mungo]

This note is to those that have many children (I have 8 (one is out of the home)) AND your hubby work LONG hours. How do you cope????

 

We have no family near us. A good small church for support.

 

In the day to day grind though, when you just want to run away and SCREAM, how do you cope? How do you get through?

 

me who is feeling lonely and "single"

 

As an Army wife-it's hard.

 

We've never, *never* lived anywhere close to family. Our family is all in Texas, Oklahoma, Kansas and Arkansas. We've lived in California, Virginia, 2 different places in Germany, North Carolina and now Hawai'i.

 

It is harder for *me* when he's working long hours than when he's deployed. It's stressful. You need to come up with a schedule and stick to it. You and the kids eat dinner at a certain time, even if he's not there. Don't plan your lives around him. Get out of the house at least 2 days during the week. Take a class or find something to do for yourself on the weekend or whenever you have the time. It needs to be something regularly scheduled in order for husbands to really respect it (in my experience, ymmv). Find a good, reliable babysitter and plan date nights with your husband once a month.

 

I realize all this is harder than it sounds. I've been there. I know it's hard. eta: And I only have 3 kids!

[Ohio12]

My dh works a lot of hours. That is part of the reason I only had two kids! I still think it is really hard because I don't think we were meant to do this alone. My hat is off to you that have a houseful!

[Mommy22alyns]

My dh works a lot of hours. That is part of the reason I only had two kids! I still think it is really hard because I don't think we were meant to do this alone. My hat is off to you that have a houseful!

 

 

:iagree:

 

I was just thinking the same thing!

[newsong]

Dear Tanya,

 

How old are your dc? I also have 8 dc with one out of the house and my dh's work schedule requires him to leave early each day and come home late. My dc who are still at home go from 15 down to 2.

 

Honestly, the hardest thing about dh being gone is that we miss him and the dc miss being able to spend more time with him. We are working to try to change this but because of finances and location it is what it is for now. So he leaves before we rise in the morning and usually comes home sometime between early and late in the evening.

 

As far as coping, I'm with Mrs. Mungo in the need to keep at least a general schedule or routine. It provides a rhythm and set of expectations for our day that is necessary in order to accomplish anything and do so with any kind of grace on my part. A partner to keeping a routine is my going to bed early and getting up early. When I do the whole day goes better. When I don't it doesn't. Unfortunately, this is still something I wrestle with.

 

Another practical has to do with meals. When I plan meals ahead, and especially when I use the crockpot, it is so much easier. When I get to the end of a long day and I still have to come up with a dinner, clean up and get the littles down, perhaps run the olders to evening events, I'm exhausted just thinking about it. But when I get to dinner time and it's mostly ready, it almost re-energizes me for the evening ahead.

 

If you still have young ones, use their nap times as a quiet time for all. My 2 yo and 4yo go down at 2 p.m. and, if needed, my 6yo will rest for a bit as well. During that time I'll either do read alouds or discussion with the olders or we all work on independent work quietly. There was a time earlier this year when every day seemed frazzled. I took stock of the situation and realized we had slipped into the habit of sometimes letting the littles stay up. Consequently, we lost the quiet time and the ones who didn't have a nap wore out earlier and made the dinner time and evening more draining.

 

You probably already know the busy mom's favorite hiding place for a minute or two of peace -- the bathroom...until they find us anyway. LOL! But if you have some older dc and need a breath of fresh air, leave them in charge for a bit and take a walk or run to town on an errand (if town is close). I find that just the change of pace can breathe new life into me. Sometimes I take one dc with me and then it also becomes a good few minutes of one-on-one time. I don't do this very often because it takes alot to get all of us out the door, but sometimes I'll load them all up and go to the park or something. At home, I've been known to send the dc outside for a required amount of time, because it's good for them and it's good for me. If they have way too much energy indoors and can't seem to channel it effectively, the offending parties are sent in pairs for one or several trips running around the block.

 

I also have another homeschooling friend whose dc are friends with my older dc. I have known her as an acquaintance for a few years but this year our families have had an opportunities to spend more time together and have found we have much in common. It has been wonderful to talk with her because we so readily identify with one another's situations. I have other ladies I am friendly with here but not one with whom I've been able to enjoy this kind of relationship. I have been praying for such a friendship since moving here four years ago and I think He may have answered that prayer. We attend different churches and so don't see one another on a regular basis, but the times we do get together we both come away refreshed.

 

I am blessed in that when my dh is around he is very helpful. He puts in a load of laundry before he leaves in the morning, does the grocery shopping on pay day, and when he is able to be home for dinner we pair up on the dinner dishes. When he sees something that needs doing he does his best to do it. He also takes one of the children with him each Saturday for a date, which most often includes the weekly trip to the dump! :tongue_smilie: Dh and I also slip out for an hour or so date on Sunday evenings while our older dc man the fort. This touch-base time is so important and we really try to guard it.

 

All that said, there is much to do when he is not here and he works hard enough that he shouldn't have to come home to total disorder (which is already difficult because we are slowly rebuilding/remodeling every room). So I delegate, delegate, delegate. Our dc are divided up into teams and each team has designated chores each day along with their own individual morning and evening routines.

 

What also helps me is to remember that to be the mom to these children is a holy calling and one I feel humbled and honored to be given. So with that in mind, I go to the Lord in prayer asking for patience, strength, kindness, sweetness, wisdom, grace -- whatever I need in the moment and there are many moments throughout the day! But like you already know, these days will go so quickly and I will miss the noise, laughter, hugs and kisses, and chances to wipe away every tear. So we must joyfully press on, sister!

 

BTW, you are welcome to PM me and write in caps when you just need to scream! :D

 

Blessings,

Sandy