sheryl Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 I enjoy your pictures. The top one is pretty...is that you and your dd? The bottom picture you had a waterfall, but it's been replaced. I can't quite make out what/who it is...help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 I enjoy your pictures. The top one is pretty...is that you and your dd? The bottom picture you had a waterfall, but it's been replaced. I can't quite make out what/who it is...help. Lol, yes the top one is dd16 and I. The bottom one was my ds15 jumping off a cliff into the river just down the road. Now its him doing a backsault over a log (photo is a couple of years old now) :) Its a bit small to see properly, I realise- I just dont have many close up ones :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 Now I see Jared. I saw that you had changed the photo again but couldn't make out anything but the log. :D (I'm half blind without my glasses, but I don't have glasses.) That is a pretty cool photo with him being in the air. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 Peela & Sheryl: Can I quicky hijack this thread and ask Peela what bridging is? You mentioned it in the husband/wife communication thread started by BMW. As soon as I know what it means, I go away again. Promise! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 Peela & Sheryl: Can I quicky hijack this thread and ask Peela what bridging is? You mentioned it in the husband/wife communication thread started by BMW. As soon as I know what it means, I go away again. Promise! :) :lol::lol::lol: It is a technique of communicating. I will try to explain it. You sit opposite each other but close. The space in between you is the space of the relationship. You imagine a bridge going between the 2 of you. One partner then invites the other partner across the bridge into their world. They verbally invite the other across the bridge- actually saying the words "I invite you into my world, would you like to come over the bridge? " or something like that- which immediately puts them in a vulnerable space, and the partner agrees (generally) and lets go of their agendas and their "world" to go into their partner's "world" and listen to them. So partner who is speaking then shares one issue or problem or "the" issue. The listening partner is totally present for them and listens without comment. After a little bit, they repeat back to the speaker what they thought the speaker was saying- just mirroring it back, not adding anything. Its kind of like doing a narration of what the speaker said. They then ask "did I get it all?" and the speaker then gives feedback as to how well they feel heard, whether they feel heard, whether the listener missed something etc. It keeps going- with the speaker sharing and the listener listening and narrating back what they think they heard, until the speaker feels finished, and heard. Then, you can swap over and the listener invites the speaker into their world and shares. What we find is that it really helps us to put ourselves aside and really LISTEN to the other's perspective. And just when we want to jump in, defend, say something, justify etc- all we are allowed to do is repeat back to the speaker what we heard them say (in our own words). It is amazing for forcing you to listen and empathise. There are more parts to it- such as validating the speaker's point of view, even if you don't agree with it. Its common for couples to invalidate each other and it can be very healing to have your partner validate your perspective and say something like "I can see, from your perspective, why you would think that, or do that, now that I have heard you speak". SO thats the general idea. I learned it from reading it in the Getting the Love You Want book, but also from this really beautiful documentary called Crossing the Bridge, which is a documentary of these two Jewish holocaust survivors who found the Imago therapy and run workshops. I havent got the audios- I just watched the DVD. A beautiful DVD on relationship therapy and what it can do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 Thank you, Peela! The "narrating" back part is a familiar concept - we just need to DO it. The word "bridging" describes it well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheryl Posted February 9, 2011 Author Share Posted February 9, 2011 OK Peela, we'll expect to see more beautiful pictures! Liz, that was a great question and glad you asked. Peela and Liz, Dr. Harville Hendrix (sp?) made his national tour on this very concept about 10 or so years ago. Is that the book you read, Peela? Thanks for sharing...it's more in depth! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 OK Peela, we'll expect to see more beautiful pictures! Liz, that was a great question and glad you asked. Peela and Liz, Dr. Harville Hendrix (sp?) made his national tour on this very concept about 10 or so years ago. Is that the book you read, Peela? Thanks for sharing...it's more in depth! It would be the same book- he has written several- similar ideas in them all. Another concept from the book that brought up resistance in me at first but that I think is really useful, is that our partners generally ask from us exactly what is most difficult to give- but it is also exactly where we need to go for our own growth, our own wholeness. For example, since opposites tend to attract, one partner might prefer to be alone a lot more than the other- leaving the other partner feeling needy more often (its a common pattern). But for the partner who is withdrawn and more self sufficient- it can be realyl healthy for them not to always go into that withdrawal pattern, and learn to meet their partner's needs for intimacy and connection more. ANd of course for the needy partner, it can be good to learn to let their partner have space more often. I like that idea...it means when my partner is being "demanding" in some way, or critical- it might be communicated in a clumsy way, but essentially there is likely to be something in there it would be good to listen to and be open to changing. So, he encourages people to try and meet their partners needs to some extent, and really hear them...rather than defending. Sees like common sense but its more common not to do it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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