spinoff from Santa thread... Easter bunny

[bluecalmsea]

Non-Santa/Bunny people, what do you do when your best friend's family does these things and you don't...and their children think yours must be "bad" because Bunny/Santa didn't come to your house? This happened to us at Easter and I still can't get over it. My best friend's dd (also happens to be my dd's best friend) asked me if the E.Bunny didn't come over because my dd was "bad at church" (Her mother tells her the E.B comes if she behaves). I tell her no. Then she asks if it's because she homeschools (like that is something bad!). I tell her no. I tell her that I can't tell her why and that she should ask her mother. This still bothers me. And no I didn't talk to her mother about this, because she would probably feel insulted. I don't lie to my child and I don't lie to other people's children. I know some people might not like how I worded that, but to me it is lying and I don't lie. bluecalmsea

[abbeyej]

I think you need to let it go. This little girl was trying to make sense of things, she asked you sensible questions (given the information she had), and you directed her back to her mother. Why should you be upset about it?

 

Are you upset because this child wondered if your daughter was "bad"? It doesn't sound like she thought your dd did anything bad -- she was just trying to figure out why the EB didn't come.

 

Are you upset because your friend has a different way of dealing with the EB than you do? Surely the friendship is stronger than differences of opinion regarding the handling of the Easter Bunny.

 

We don't do the EB either, but I think this is one where you just laugh over "kids say the darndest things" and move on.

[Dayle in Guatemala]

our kids have always known that it's us doing all the Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy stuff. We make a game of it--like the fairy dance my dh does just as the dc who lost the tooth is going to sleep so they don't miss it!

 

We've never told our dc that there is Santa, EB, TF, etc. But, we have fun with the idea of it. They still get stockings at Christmas with gag gifts in them from "Santa". They still get the fairy dance and the change under their pillows. But, they know it's us. We tell them that some families pretend that these things are real, and that's okay, they can do that. We don't. But, we don't tell others that they aren't real if their families practice that--we keep it to ourselves so we don't ruin another family's holiday tradition.

 

I guess I never saw the harm in doing these things. I think they're a fun tradition for the different occasions in our family life.

[Jenny in Florida]

our kids have always known that it's us doing all the Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy stuff. We make a game of it--like the fairy dance my dh does just as the dc who lost the tooth is going to sleep so they don't miss it! . . . We tell them that some families pretend that these things are real, and that's okay, they can do that. We don't. But, we don't tell others that they aren't real if their families practice that--we keep it to ourselves so we don't ruin another family's holiday tradition.

 

That's pretty much how we handle it, too. We keep up the traditions, but with a nudge and a wink. It's a shared game of pretend.

 

Heck, even my husband and I compete each Christmas eve to see who can outwait the other one to fill his/her stocking so that it will be a surprise in the morning. (By the way, I pretty much always win.)

 

My daughter went through a phase in which she left little notes for the Tooth Fairy with her tooth, asking questions. I would write back and carefully avoid answering them.

 

Currently, my son's favorite game is to try and catch us out being inconsistent. For example, he loves to very sweetly thank us for the contents of his stocking/Easter basket or the tooth-gifty he found that morning. I usually do the wink-nudge bit and assure him that I will pass along the message. But, every now and then I'll slip and just say, "You're welcome," and he grins and points and laughs and gleefully tells me he knew it all along. (Which, of course, he did. But it's part of the game.)

 

And, at some point, we have conversations with our kids about the fact that other kids do believe in this for real and that we don't want to wreck the magic for them and for their parents. We encourage them to just play along to the degree to which they feel comfortable.

 

I feel uncomfortable with the lying, too. And I have strong memories of being extremely upset when I found out that, from my point of view, my parents and all the adults in my life had been deceiving and making a fool of me all those years. I know most kids don't respond that way, but it was truly devastating for me, and I didn't want to risk doing the same damage to my kids.

 

On the other hand, I enjoy fantasy and creating magic for my kids. So, for us, making it a game was the perfect solution.

 

And it allows our kids the freedom to play along with their friends, too.

[K&Rs Mom]

We have this with my sister - she won't even come to family gatherings near Christmas or Easter if we're going to be there, for fear my kids will spill the beans. :confused: I've told my dc to just avoid the topic, and when my niece asked K (in February), why she doesn't believe in Santa, K answered "because my mom doesn't want me to" and left the room. That's about the best we can hope for at this point. I agree about not lying to children (or anybody else, for that matter), but it gets a little tricky to dance around this subject sometimes. My sister has also told her kids not to ask mine about these topics, which just makes hers curious and doesn't let it get dropped.

 

As far as dd being "bad," that's a hard one to answer. Depending on my mood, I might have said something like, "I think you'll have to take that up with the bunny" and wait to see if she gets an answer that way; or maybe "We don't allow strangers in our house" would give her something to think about. I would stand up for my dc, assuring the friend that dc was not misbehaving or being punished, and talk to the mom just so she knows this is an issue and hopefully she'll deal with it on her end. I know with my sister, emails between the two of us have allowed us to figure out how to talk to the kids before a visit, to prevent any problems.

 

Remember that your dd's friend won't be a believer forever, and hopefully this will not be an issue at all in a couple of years.