I feel like I am failing my younger

[Halcyon]

My younger is 5 years old. He is gifted and I feel as though I am not giving him what he needs, somehow. I can't quite put my finger on it.

 

I can't quite figure out how to occupy him when I am working with his 8 year old brother. (Younger does his work happily, but quickly.) He does occupy himself quite well on his own (lego's, writing stories, playing, crafts) but it seems he would be flourishing if I could focus more attention on him and do more age-appropriate things with him. What tends to happen is that he 'tags along' on his older brother's coursework a lot (Latin, SOTW, chemistry), and that's fine, but he doesn't get enough one-on-one to do what HE loves to do--namely crafts like sewing and needlepoint, jewelry making, and mosaics, LOTS of science experiments, and book making projects, which he's asked me to do with him numerous times. Older brother's work takes about 4 hours, and then we usually have activities in the afternoon, so there just doesn't seem to be enough time for me to do the time-consuming activities that younger wants to do. (and yes, older DOES work independently on many of his subjects, so that's not the issue<--I think I need to focus MORE on younger and less on older. Because younger is more ahead of the curve than older was at that age, and because older's work generally requires more attention and time from me, I think I tend to put younger second. :(

 

I feel like he's bored and it's upsetting me. Now, I am not one to mind a child being bored-I think it's healthy. But I feel he could be growing so much more if I could just figure out what was missing. Maybe the issue is that BECAUSE he's gifted, I don't worry about him, and maybe that translates to him getting less attention (man, I feel like I'm replicating a public school scenario here!)

 

I feel like I'm rambling, and I can't exactly pinpoint what's going on here.

 

:confused:

 

ETA: one of the things he adores doing is playing educational computer games. We did a trial of Dreambox, which he loved, but he was playing 2 hours a day on it (I know, I let him...)--and completed two full grades of assessments in a month. DH and I believe in moderate computer usage for our boys, but once he starts on these sorts of games, it's very hard to pull him off....and part of me feels it's educational, and he's enjoying it, and my time is freed up for my other child...but the other part of me feels 1-2 hours/day is WAY too excessive, particularly at his age. He also loved MathWhizz (again, we did a trial) and again, he whipped through the levels.

Edited January 5, 2011 by Halcyon

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

My littlest one only gets the attention he needs and deserves if his lessons are first each day.

 

Otherwise, he listens in on every one else's lessons and unschools himself all day, and when I'm finally ready for his school I realize that he's put in a full day already.

 

So he gets his lessons first, while the others do independent work. Then he is free to listen in to others' lessons or amuse himself while we work through the afternoon.

[Storm Bay]

My younger is 5 years old. He is gifted and I feel as though I am not giving him what he needs, somehow. I can't quite put my finger on it.

 

I can't quite figure out how to occupy him when I am working with his 8 year old brother. (Younger does his work happily, but quickly.) He does occupy himself quite well on his own (lego's, writing stories, playing, crafts) but it seems he would be flourishing if I could focus more attention on him and do more age-appropriate things with him. What tends to happen is that he 'tags along' on his older brother's coursework a lot (Latin, SOTW, chemistry), and that's fine, but he doesn't get enough one-on-one to do what HE loves to do--namely crafts like sewing and needlepoint, jewelry making, and mosaics, LOTS of science experiments, and book making projects, which he's asked me to do with him numerous times.

 

ETA: but the other part of me feels 1-2 hours/day is WAY too excessive, particularly at his age. He also loved MathWhizz (again, we did a trial) and again, he whipped through the levels.

 

 

This is a challenge, and not one easily solved. I agree on the computer usage. I don't spend 4 hours per day with any of my dc, but mine don't always get enough one on one time, either (I have three); its a juggling act. Is there a way to get your eldest going with a subject and then help your younger while your eldest is doing the subject, or are you having to do dishes, etc, during those times? Does your 5 yo need age appropriate experiments, or does he get enough from the ones your older dc is doing? Do you have something you can do with the two of them but each at their own level?

 

1-2 hours a day is excessive on the computer, IMO. I don't have a lot of suggestions because your eldest is already doing a lot independently, etc, other than perhaps having your eldest do one of his classes on the computer instead of with you to free up that time for your 5 yo, but if you've already bought your curricula, that may have to wait until next year.

[patchfire]

Well, I have the opposite problem. I feel like I'm putting so much time into my kindergartener that my older one is missing out on prime instructional time. Ds loves the work we're doing together, for the most part, and honestly, he would be disruptive if I tried to work with dd in the mornings while he played with little dd. But then I have to fit in the work I do with older dd during the afternoon while ds is having quiet time and little dd is (hopefully) napping. Since we have activities by 2 three days a week, this sometimes means we're doing Caesar's English after dinner. :glare:

 

Unfortunately, dd's best time is in the morning, so we're missing out on some good instructional time.

 

My solution so far this year is occasionally doing some schoolwork with dd on a weekend day or deliberately leaving a bit of work for ds to do independently or with dh during the afternoon or evening (usually reading w/ dh or pages in ETC). I'm looking at next year and know that I'm going to have to be really careful about what activities we plan and what time they are each at.

 

Another thought – what is each child's best/worst area, and what is their best time to work? For instance, I've had dd do math in the mornings, but math is her best subject. She can do great work in math at any time, though, so I may need to change that up, for example.

 

Just a few thoughts.

[LittleIzumi]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Having similar issues here. I did institute individual quiet time so I can work with each while the other has alone time, but otherwise.... Plus dd is addicted to Starfall (we have access to the More section) and if she had her way, she would be on it for hours a day. She loves anything musical and Starfall is her love. I need to keep a tighter rein on that. She plays for an hour or so fairly often. I also need to really, really up her science. We are starting BFSU now to help there, and I have Snap Circuits on the way.

[mom2boys030507]

Can he work on projects while you are working with his brother? I think many of the things you mentioned could be things that you start him on and just check in with him, while his brother is working indepently.

 

Also I saw that he wants to do book making projects. Have you looked at Creating Books with Children I was able to check this out of the library and my son found the process of making a book to be quite enjoyable. He loved writing the story with me(he dictated it - then copied it), after making a word web and talking about the parts of a story. Once we figured out the page divisions, He would copy about 1 page a day then get to illustrate it. Yes, this process took us almost a month. At the end, I put the book together and it is still a treasured school project 2 years later. In fact, I am planning on my boys writng books this spring.

[Halcyon]

Can he work on projects while you are working with his brother? I think many of the things you mentioned could be things that you start him on and just check in with him, while his brother is working indepently.

 

Also I saw that he wants to do book making projects. Have you looked at Creating Books with Children I was able to check this out of the library and my son found the process of making a book to be quite enjoyable. He loved writing the story with me(he dictated it - then copied it), after making a word web and talking about the parts of a story. Once we figured out the page divisions, He would copy about 1 page a day then get to illustrate it. Yes, this process took us almost a month. At the end, I put the book together and it is still a treasured school project 2 years later. In fact, I am planning on my boys writng books this spring.

 

Thank you! We ordered blank books and he's already written two, along with a comic book. I think he would get a kick out of that book. And yes, I can start him with projects, but somehow it seems he needs my help more than I anticipate, and the interruptions bother my older--maybe he just needs to learn to deal with it. I don't know. I will definitely try starting with my younger. This morning, we did, and he got a lot more "accomplished" and felt proud of himself.

[HeidiD]

I feel like he's bored and it's upsetting me. Now, I am not one to mind a child being bored-I think it's healthy. But I feel he could be growing so much more if I could just figure out what was missing. Maybe the issue is that BECAUSE he's gifted, I don't worry about him, and maybe that translates to him getting less attention (man, I feel like I'm replicating a public school scenario here!)

 

 

I remember going through similar angst way back when, and I can see now that it was totally unnecessary. Since I have a big family and a child in the very middle of the pack with LD's who needs the lion's share of help, I've had to be more of a facilitator and on-the-fly tutor rather than an intensely involved, one-on-one teacher to my other kids. My younger kids are basically "unschooled" until I have time to get them involved with formal school work. A couple of my older kids are in college now (one a sophmore, and the other high school, dual-enrolled) and they are doing really well because I had to focus my limited time on teaching them to be self-starters and independent learners, and this has really paid dividends in college. And the younger kids have absorbed so much from older siblings that they really don't need as much formal instruction - they are learning naturally, all the time. :001_smile: A five yo who is "gifted" is still just a five yo and academics aren't essential at that age. I don't know if my 5 yo is "gifted", but I can see that she picks things up rapidly, so I don't feel any pressure to spend much time on academics with her at this point.

 

If you're having trouble finding time for the more messy, time-consuming projects and experiments, have you considered setting one day a week aside (Friday, maybe?), reducing your older child's workload for that day (maybe just do a math or writing lesson or whatever) and devoting the rest of the time to the hands-on stuff? That's how I squeeze things like that into the schedule, because they were just slipping through the cracks.

 

Good luck - I'm sure you'll figure out how to juggle the things you want to accomplish as you go along. Things change so much from year to year, and it does generally get easier as they get older. :)

[mammaofbean]

i have very little to contribute. my 6 year old is derailed perpetually by my 3 year old. i imagine it is good for both of them. the little one doesn't get hours of one on one reading time and candyland, the big one has to read books with titles like "sam's potty" and has to try to do math while the younger one is yelling out his own guesses. i can't give them each an academic situation perfectly suited to their development. what they are gaining in empathy, problem solving and compassion far outweighs that for me.

 

oh, and on math whizz. i regret letting them ever use that website. dd begs for me to subscribe and has decided she hates all other math, we battle everyday over math. it is like math crack.

[Halcyon]

we battle everyday over math. it is like math crack.

 

:lol:

[JoyfullyNoisy]

It's so difficult to balance the needs of two and painful when you end up lopsided. Especially when your heart is equally full of love for both.

 

Maybe you simply needed to vent, as many of us do, but if you're looking for possible solutions here's my "two cents":

 

Does he play an instrument?

It's a naturally lonely thing to do, but immensely satisfying intellectually.

He could focus some time on mastering exercises and new pieces each day as you work with your eldest.

 

"Full disclosure" as they say: I am a musician and professional music teacher, and this sounds (theoretically) like an ideal situation in which a talent could bloom.

[Halcyon]

It's so difficult to balance the needs of two and painful when you end up lopsided. Especially when your heart is equally full of love for both.

 

Maybe you simply needed to vent, as many of us do, but if you're looking for possible solutions here's my "two cents":

 

Does he play an instrument?

It's a naturally lonely thing to do, but immensely satisfying intellectually.

He could focus some time on mastering exercises and new pieces each day as you work with your eldest.

 

"Full disclosure" as they say: I am a musician and professional music teacher, and this sounds (theoretically) like an ideal situation in which a talent could bloom.

 

Thank you! He loves music. He sits in his room listening to classical cds many mornings, and he just received a keyboard for Christmas. Lessons start soon, so this is definitely a great idea. Thank you.