Help, Possibly ADD dd

[mom31257]

I wondered if anyone on this board knew much about ADD. My 11yo dd has always been the slowest to get ready, forgets where she put things, a daydreamer, etc. She was even slow to get ready when we were at Disney World and going to the parks.

 

It has really escalated the last few months (possibly onset of puberty??). She is really having trouble staying focused. I send her to do something, say in her room, and I go in later and she hasn't even done it. She's not always aware of what I told her. She had a performance today with her drama team, so she got in the shower. I went in several minutes later, and she was in there, but had done nothing. She didn't know why. She is frustrated at herself. I really think she doesn't want to be like this.

 

She was in private school K-2nd, and we've homeschooled since then. Her grades are excellent. She's a well-above grade level reader. In fact, she reads A LOT.

 

I printed off a list of symptoms of the inattentive type, and I think she has everyone of them. I showed them to my husband. He says that's him, also. I've suspected him of it our whole marriage.

 

Does anyone know natural ways to try treating this? I don't want to just go get a pill. I want to help solve the problem, if possible. I want to help her manage this, so she won't be in trouble with us for not doing what she's told.

 

Any advice would be so helpful.

 

Amy of GA

11yo dd

4(almost 5)yo ds

[JennW in SoCal]

My ds is like this, and it was much worse during the couple of years of full-blown puberty. He is 16 now, and once again a functional human being, though still the absent minded professor type! The forgetting to wash hair while in the shower still kills me -- he can be in there for 20 minutes, then I hear the water start up again because he forgot to wash or rinse!

 

My first piece of advice is to not look at this as something that can be treated and solved through diet, supplements or even a pill. Each of those things can be a helpful tool, but the hard wiring is there, and will continue to be there for life. Instead, focus on the last bit you wrote, on helping her learn to manage it, to manage her own life. You have to train yourself too on how to best communicate with her -- set things up so she won't get in trouble.

 

I like to think of this type of ADD as being akin to having very little RAM in a computer. You can have the biggest hard drive, the fastest processor and all the lastest programs, but if you have too little RAM you can't do very much. It is the same way for kids like these. They get overloaded with tasks much more quickly than you or I, and simply can't juggle lots of things at a time. Something obvious like "we're leaving in 5 minutes so go upstairs, get your socks and shoes, and by the way on your way up could you take this pile of laundry to your sister" --- that is impossible for an inattentive ADD kid. They hear the 5 minutes and feel stressed because they know they'll run late and get in trouble. Or they'll only hear the last bit, take the laundry and come back downstairs 20 minutes later still in bare feet and utterly baffled as to why mom is so mad! It isn't their fault, but it makes the rest of us crazy!

 

Checklists are a life saver. Sometimes a checklist of mundane tasks like clipping toenails even has to be taped to the bathroom mirror. Understand that traveling is a challenge because she is outside of her home and routine, and even if it is someplace fun like DisneyWorld, she is having to use more of that RAM to juggle the information of where her stuff is in her suitcase, or what she has to remember to take to the park each day. Help her get in the habit of making her own check lists, of even keeping her own calendar and daily schedule.

 

Having very organized work spaces is important, and you have to be patient and realize that organizing their own personal space by themselves can be impossible. Clothes, school books -- everything has to have a place, and they have to be coached to put things away. Routines are critical too -- hard to get started but once in place they are always in place.

 

You can also help by not giving her too much information at a time, not make requests too complex at a time. Give her more time to get ready for something, be patient and give some gentle reminders and try not to have her be in trouble for minor forgetfulness. Create those check lists and routines. And just know that it is going to get worse before it gets better -- puberty reduces many a kid to brain stem functions alone -- eat, sleep, eat some more.

 

Hope that helps!

[ELaurie]

Healing ADD by Dr. Daniel Amen.

 

He describes various types of ADD, with recommendations for dietary changes, exercise, vitamin supplements, natural remedies, herbal remedies, cognitive strategies, parenting strategies, and psycho-pharmacology. He cites research to back up most of his recommendations.

 

ADD is a complex topic; some believe it is a syndrome that does not exist (although mother's with children who have it would probably disagree ;)); there are others who posit a wide range of hypotheses about the etiology and treatment options. Dr. Amen's book provides a good starting point to gain a better understanding of the issues.

 

HTH!

[TCoppock]

Very well put Jennifer! I agree making lists and following a routine are great ways to learn to cope with ADD.

[Mandamom]

teach management and coping skills and be specific in teaching life skills (job, money, scheduling, etc.). Some of the academic things you have been teaching so far will be a big help but somtimes you might need to take step further and make sure she has the additional skills. Hopefully she won't face this, but since ADHD isn't something that is grown out of in all cases, many adults with it have problems with alcohol abuse, keeping jobs, poor money management skills, etc. Knowing that she has the tools in place to avoid these problems will be a big relief.

 

I wouldn't automatically rule out meds but I do understand the reasons to try and avoid it.

 

I thought it was interesting that you are seeing it around puberty because I'm seeing some of the signs increasing with my 12 year old dss and I know my dh started having problems with it around the same age. My dh didn't have a great support system with it as a child and I'm hoping to do better with my 12 year old and then watching my three kids and making sure they have the same skills.

 

 

It sounds like so far you've done a great job getting her through some of the academic challenges.

[Rebecca in VA]

because my 11-year-old can't stay with a book to save her life. Her attention wanders as she reads, and suddenly she realizes the book no longer makes sense to her. We have to read almost everything together, discussing as we go. If your daughter is a good and enthusiastic reader, count your blessings!!

[mom31257]

Thanks to all of you for your advice. I am so thankful that school work has been easy for her! It always has been, so I'm hoping this is more hormonal than anything. I will definitely be working of life skills and management. We're going to start her on a multi-vitamin, watch her diet to make sure is as healthy as we can afford (The grocery store prices are scaring me!). Those things can't hurt, even if they don't help any.

 

I give her a list of her schoolwork(I use Homeschool Tracker), and that maybe why she's still doing okay with assignments, etc. She likes to make lists of things, so we're definitely going to utilize that tool in more areas.

 

God Bless!

Amy of GA

11yo dd

4(almost 5)yo ds