learning for grade k?

[cinnyminis]

My son Matthew is 4.5 years old. In many ways he is a normal 4 year old, but in many ways he is not. He had a stroke at birth that caused some damage in his right frontal lobe and led to a diagnosis of epilepsy when he was 2. A year ago, he had only about 25 words, but now he talks constantly. He was evaluated for learning issues and speech delay last spring. I literally had to bear hug him for 3 hours because he was trying to hit and bite the testing ladies. He was found to be very speech delayed, and a mention was made of his inability to focus or sit still for more than a few seconds, BUT he tested on an 8 yo level of understanding. He would have tested higher, but I had to end the session. Right now, the only time he sits still is to watch a movie or television- which he insists he has to do all the time. (We do not let him). He is very ADHD, and can get quite violent when he does not get his way.

I have 6 other children who I homeschool without problems, nor do I have behavior issues with them. Matthew at 4 1/2 just counted to 5 for teh first time ever on his own (!) I guess my question is this- should I actively pursue learning, (Kindergarten) with him, or should I delay a year? I feel like he is already so behind his peers that I need to do something to help, BUT I do not want that to backfire. I have considered putting him in school and continuing homeschooling my others, but I just do not know.

Anyone have advice?

[Ottakee]

This is a tough one with so many variables.

 

One thing you could look at would be a special needs preschool where he would go 1/2 days and could get speech therapy, OT, PT or whatever else he needs.

 

Does he still currently have seizures? Is he on any medication? If he really has that much trouble with attention and focusing but is highly gifted, he might be very frustrated as he can't communicate or do what he is capable of doing (might check the gifted board as well).

 

I might sound like a drug pusher, but it might be worth discussing med options with his neurologist so that he could focus long enough to learn up to his ability level. I waited a while for my now 14dd but once we started meds, she gained over 2 years of reading skills in under 6 months as she was finally able to focus long enough to learn.

 

I am also more of the starting boys later type person, so if he is just turning 5 in the fall, I would wait and call him a Kindergartener when he is nearing 6 years old. Now, that doesn't mean you can't start teaching him but for social things, if you get to a state that requires testing, sports based on grades, etc. he would be on the older side which might be a benefit if he has any physical delays from the stroke and has the speech delay.

 

Is he getting therapy now? If not, I would certainly seek that out either privately or through the schools.

 

With his age you could certainly do 1/2 days of public school with him for therapy and a break for you and the other kids and still have him home some. You could even start this year yet if you wanted.

 

As to whether or not the programs are good for him it will really depend on the district but even more so the teacher, aide, and therapists he would have. There would likely be a bus ride as well but my daughter LOVED the bus ride and did NOT want me to drive her at all---and still at 15 doesn't want to ride with me if she can help it.

[Dobela]

I doubt I would call it kindergarten, but I would begin more structured learning activities with him. I would wait until I had to declare him in your state personally. I wish I had waited that year for my son. I know I will for my dd.

 

In my state he only qualifies for the private preschools designed for cihldren with developmental delays until age 5. After that the public school is responsible. However, There are a handful of private therapy places that work within other preschools providing therapies. My dd3 is a client of a therapy center designed for young children but it doesn't have a preschool attached. They are very capable of working with children who have behavioral issues as you described. My concerns with a regular daycare would be that not all would be staffed enough, or have staff trained to handle his special needs.

 

I would also see if there is more going on than ADHD. The stroke could have caused sensory damage that might be helped by occupational therapy, physical therapy, and/or vision therapy.

 

I also think that meds are sometimes important. I know he is young, but the meds may make it easier to control himself and for more learning to take place. It may also give him the control he needs so you are not the only one able to work with him. At some point you will need breaks. As he grows older and larger you don't want to experience all of those violent episodes because it will be harder for you to bear hug him. If he goes to public school, you be will expected to at least try medications to keep him there if he is violent. We have friends ho have a son age 11 with multiple special needs. Due to early brain damage he is emotionally a very difficult child to handle. He recently had to be sent to a special center after multiple violent outbursts, a hospital where he will remain for about 2 months. The school refuses to allow him entry unless he completes this stay. The dad now says that he wonders if they should have begun addressing the emotional issues much sooner than they did. I have a grown brother with high functioning autism and how I wish he had started mood stabilizing medication years ago. Now instead of violent outbursts and unpredictable behavior he is fun and happy most of the time. And when he isn't, it is a more normal response to upset.

 

Have you looked into other resources for stroke victims? My mom had a stroke and there is a magazine she receives called Stroke Smart. While most of the articles are about older adults, they also dedicate issues to children recovering from strokes and the special challenges they may have.

 

:grouphug:

[cinnyminis]

Thanks to both who responded...Matthew does have some serious sensory issues, and unfortunately, the closest therapy place for that to us is 45 minutes away. He is currently on seizure meds, but may be coming off of them in a month or so. He takes meds to sleep at night as he cannot sleep more than an hour without it. I have considered meds for him- I have another child who takes meds for adhd. Unfortunately, the docs all freak out whenever I mention it because of his age. They want him to be 6 in order to consider it. I know that he is showing bipolar tendencies at 4 and it scares me, especially considering it runs in the family. My family tells me I am over reacting but I know in my gut something is up with him other than the epilepsy. This week we started 30 minutes of one on one time a day with one letter a week and other skills. I will see how that goes.

Beth

[Ottakee]

I know that he is showing bipolar tendencies at 4 and it scares me, especially considering it runs in the family. My family tells me I am over reacting but I know in my gut something is up with him other than the epilepsy.

 

OK--that changes things with the meds for ADHD. DO NOT NOT NOT try meds for ADHD until/unless the bipolar is ruled out or otherwise very controlled by medication.

 

My 15dd has bipolar and had symptoms when she came to us at 9 months old. Before she was 3 she was seeing a psychiatrist.....things were that bad.

 

Now with proper medication she is almost symptom free. She is on 2 seizure meds and an anti-psychotic and is doing SO well. She has gone from a child that the social worker (for her adoption) thought might need a residential program by age 6 or so to one that is doing so well that most people would never guess she has a mood disorder. She has other learning delays but the mood part is stable.

 

Check out http://www.bpkids.org and http://www.bipolarchild.com for information on a doctor close to you well versed in bipolar in very young kids. I talked to our neuropsychologist for about 40 minutes yesterday about using meds with very young kids and she said there is increasing evidence that treating them properly very young prevents more serious illness as they get older. They are less severely affected than those who have symptoms but aren't treated early.

 

We found that the Omega 3s really helped as well but meds made 90% of the difference here.

 

Have you talked to his neurologist about something like Risperdal in addition to the seizure meds? That is a very common treatment for bipolar in young kids.

 

This is my little soap box and I climb on it often:001_smile:

[Dobela]

Children his age are sometimes put on meds. When I was teaching in preK developmental centers I saw several on meds for the issues you describe. I also was the foster parent to 2 girls with serious mental health issues that were on medications for bipolar. They were 4 and 5. For the girls a psychiatrist prescribed the medications after the recommendations of a licensed counselor that was seeing them described what was happening. This is where it is sometimes difficult for homeschooling families unfortunately. To receive significant, truely needed help for children like your son at his age, most professionals are hesitant unless there are several other professionals behind them saying, "Yes, I think the child need help and we have tried all these other things." I know that when I would describe behaviors as a licensed "Develpmental Specialist" they were taken way more seriously than when I now describe the exact same behaviors as "stay at home mom". :glare::glare::glare::glare: It isn't that you don't know what you are talking about, it's that you don't have some title after your name and it is easier for the doctor to justify not taking you seriously.

 

That being said, you may want to seriously weigh getting more professionals involved, ones that can give you support and be a force in getting more help for your son. If it takes public school officials to document what they are seeing before you can get help, it may be beneficial for him to attend for a time, and possibly for him to attend at an earlier age. However, then comes the concerns about how that might damage his self image and how peers perceive him. You may ask for a referral to a psychiatrist or a psychologist or a counselor for parenting help or to address his anger issues and then maybe they will refer you on to the professionals that would be most beneficial and help you get the diagnosis you need

 

You also need to weigh the benefits to the inconvenience. I know how far away therapy is, but it will be easier to remediate his issues now than it will be next year. Every year/month you wait, the more ingrained those behaviors are and the more difficult they will be to change. I spent a year driving 60 miles one way one day a week to get the correct diagnosis and help. I also know how disruptive therapies are. Right now my dd3 has 6 hr of therapy spread out over 4 afternoons. It makes educating ds10 difficult. But I finally decided I couldn't ignore her needs because her success or failure was going to effect our family forever anyway.

 

In the meantime, :grouphug::grouphug:

[Dobela]

Have you talked to his neurologist about something like Risperdal in addition to the seizure meds? That is a very common treatment for bipolar in young kids.

 

This is my little soap box and I climb on it often:001_smile:

Risperdal is the medication the girls used and it made a humongous difference. The 4yo was also very hyperactive and took a small dose of rialin with the risperdal, but the risperdal was introduced first and then both meds were closely monitored each month.

 

And, Ottakee, you are always welcome to stand on your soapbox. I have learned lots from you each time that you have climbed up there!:)