Family quandry... what saith the HIVE?

[kalanamak]

I It is tragic since the Mental Health hospitals aren't really the place for such people- the workers are used to people with certain conditions and the population tends to be much younger and otherwise physically capable.

 

In my state there are several short term geri-psych units I would happily take a family member to, so I think it varies by location. They usually take "first timers" who are failing in their homes or nursing homes, eval for physical problems (unmentioned pain), and have specialists who understand the medications that work best in that population.

 

If a person then continues to hit or refuse treatment, and they become labeled a danger to self or others, (or if they refused to cooperate in the first place), and can be involuntarily placed. Our state has very specific wards in the state hospital where staff deals with nothing but geri and dementia (e.g. Huntington's). To get people placed out of there, the rule is bent by having a locked ward with a punch pad to enter a code to get out. The code is right there on the wall, but once someone is too far gone to read the code and enter it, they are essentially locked in. I dread a legal challenge to this crucial loophole.

 

Bottom line: know your local resources and laws.

[*LC]

. Someone either has to live there, or we have to *somehow* physically get her in a car and drive her to Virginia. She is lible to scream and claim she's being kidnapped the entire way...

 

They keep candy out all day, and that is virtually all my grandmother eats at this point (she forgets she has eaten/hasn't eaten... leaves food in the microwave, stove on... forgets what is in the refrigerator... you name it, she forgets it).

 

 

So, kidnap her. Seriously, our family did that to my relative, who was unable to live by herself, but refused to move. The closest family lived six hours away, so no one could be there quickly in emergencies. My dad, her closest relative, made arrangements for to move to a senior home near them. They went to her home, and packed up her stuff. I went with them along with my two year old.

 

She yelled. She threatened to call the police. It was my job to sit with her, distract her, and repeat, over and over again, why the move was a good thing. (Having a two-year-old was good practice for the repeating the same thing over and over again.)

 

My dad either had or got later power of attorney, so he sold her house. We brought her car, and she had the license number written in a notebook. We had to take her to the parking lot from time to time to show her the car. She didn't have keys to it

 

This saved her life. She was skin and bones; she was only eating the food meals on wheels brought her. She had hurt herself, and needed a hip replacement soon after moving.

 

After moving, she lived near my parents, who visited reguarly one their own or with grandchildren to liven up the visit. She was regularly brought her favorite dessert.

 

She lived 13 more years, before dying this spring at age 100.

 

Your dad or you and a few kids should go down and help your mom get gm in a car and keep driving to Virginia.

[Mejane]

I'd also recommend any caregiver of a dementia patient read the book The 36-Hour Day. It's excellent.

[LisaKinVA]

Thank you everyone... I spoke with my mom today, and in addition to what I told her myself, the words of wisdom here have really helped her.

 

She (my mom) has had several updates from the doctor on her cognitive function, my mom will get another one done at her next appointment. Apparently, the laws where she is make it difficult to have her declared incompent (pretty high threshold, I guess). That's where the difficulty has come from on that end.

 

My father is in complete agreement (after being there for an evening), that she cannot be left alone. This is a huge deal for him to agree with my mother's assessment. I just pray he is kind, considerate and tender-hearted while he is there. He didn't have to deal with this with his mother. She moved herself into an assisted living facility after my grandfather died (helped that she was surrounded by friends and family), she did not suffer with dimensia... and was clear-minded until the day she had a stroke, and died not long afterward.

 

I think we have figured out an "easier" way to "kidnap" her... but it will require either my dad or I going down to help drive. She is usually very willing to go to TN to visit my grandfather's and uncle's grave site. That would get them 8 hours from VA... and grandmother probably would be oblivious for most of the time. She would be all kinds of upset when she got here... but she would be here.

 

We would lock up the house, and deal with it later. We do have extended family in the area (former in-laws), who live down the street and could keep an eye on the place. But, we wouldn't have to deal with the whole house for quite a while.

 

Thank you again for the encouragement and support. This has been so difficult, and to be constantly told to just "leave" my grandmother alone - and maybe grandmother will "come to her senses" just adds stress.

 

I don't think we can attempt the "kidnapping" until spring. I don't want to hazzard the mountains, weather, and a stressful drive. But, I think we have a plan to make 2011 the year my mother brings my grandmother "home" to Virginia.