How do I avoid transferring my own testing anxiety to my kids?

[Halcyon]

First, a little background. When I applied to colleges back in the day, it was the norm to only take the SAT; AP courses and tests weren't a big deal back then, at least not in my school. I was VERY anxious about the test, and took Princeton Review and practice tests assiduously. I did okay on my PSAT and very well on my SAT but it was really hard on me emotionally. For graduate school, I was required to take a long 8 hour exam to obtain my license upon graduation, and that, too, was a nightmare. Contrast this with my husband, who never studied for standardized tests, took the SAT at 15 and scored perfect scores, and entered Columbia at 16 :glare:

 

Cue present day: I would like my oldest to take a standardized test (probably ITBS) at the end of his 3rd grade so we have been doing a few workbook questions, perhaps 1-2 pages a week. He is doing FINE. Yesterday, he got a question wrong that asked him to answer which of the following is NOT a characteristic of a certain genre; he didn't see or understand the word NOT meant find the 'not true' answer. Internally, I started to get anxious: "oh my, I'm not preparing him well" and "I think we need to start a reading comp program" and all sorts of silly thoughts that barreled like a freight train through me.

 

I know, that as homeschool parents, we occasionally have these feelings of "Am I doing this right?" and "Am I failing my children in some basic way?" And normally, all is well for our family; we enjoy school, I feel both my children are progressing nicely, etc. etc. I don't really feel anxious about their education in any meaningful way.....except when standardized tests rear their ugly head :(

 

When it comes to standardized tests, my own testing anxiety is revealing itself and, more than likely, influencing my son (he already tends to be like me: anxious about performance and perfectionistic, so I am not doing him ANY favors by being anxious).

 

I would love suggestions from anyone and everyone on how to curb my own anxiety in this one area.

Edited December 11, 2010 by Halcyon

[NanceXToo]

I think the main thing is that you recognize this in yourself. And you do. The second biggest thing is that you recognize that your kids are doing well overall, enjoying homeschooling, progressing nicely, etc, and that testing isn't the be all end all (especially in elementary school) as to how they are doing. And you do recognize that.

 

You're doing some prep work now, not an actual test, which gives you a chance to observe what he's missing. Then, later, SEPARATE from the test, you can go over something similar with him to reinforce the right way. (You can give him a problem similar that you write up, and see if he does it right this time. If he does, you can say "oh, good, you noticed that it said 'NOT' in there" to reinforce that it's good to take your time and pay attention to all the little words. If he doesn't, you can calmly say "remember, you have to read a sentence carefully and pay attention to all the little words, too, see here, this one is asking which is NOT...." and so on.

 

Of course, that's just in regard to helping him do his best, not in regard to how to stop you from being anxious to begin with lol- I don't know if there IS a way for you to not feel at all anxious, but the main thing is that you don't transfer that to him, I think, and being aware is the biggest step toward that.

[Halcyon]

Thanks, Nance. Great advice. I really need to work on this.

[SailorMom]

I would be honest. Explain how you feel, and why you don't want him to feel this way.... He'll pick up on it anyway - better to be in control of how it comes across.

[Mom0012]

I don't administer standardized tests to my kids anymore. It's too stressful for me when I see them get things wrong that they know. I started having them tested through the school system with a bunch of other homeschoolers 3 years ago and it's been wonderful for them and for me. Plus, it's great practice for the future.

 

Lisa

[Halcyon]

I don't administer standardized tests to my kids anymore. It's too stressful for me when I see them get things wrong that they know. I started having them tested through the school system with a bunch of other homeschoolers 3 years ago and it's been wonderful for them and for me. Plus, it's great practice for the future.

 

Lisa

 

Good thought. I might be doing this myself.