Does anyone have a friend like this?

[teachermom2834]

I have a friend I have had for about 10 years. We were instant buddies and very close for a few years. We then had a misunderstanding that led to a major falling out. There was arguing, crying, etc. Over the years we would try again and again to make it work because we wanted to. But it was hard. Our friendship went back and forth between being rather warm to polite to being pretty stressed. We kept at it though. It seemed as hurt as we each were neither one of us was ever willing to throw in the towel completely.

 

Things were going particularly well the last year and then there was a blow up that led to a major airing of grievances and hurts but also began a healing.

For the first time it feels like we may actually put this behind us and regain the closeness we once had. It feels good/hurts all at the same time.

 

It seems very strange to me to have a relationship with such intense feelings with someone who is just a friend. I feel like I am the only one in the world who has invested this kind of time/ effort/ heartache into a friendship. Seems like such "work" would be reserved for marriage/ family relationships. Has anyone ever had such a relationship with a friend? Is there something wrong with me that I was never able to just drop this friendship and walk away like most would from a friend?

 

Also, do hurt feelings in relationships eventually go away? I guess I don't have much experience rebuilding damaged relationships. I believe I have forgiven her for all past hurts and I want badly to go forward. Still, I have this highlight reel in my head of things in the past that hurt me. I want that part to go away. Does that mean I haven't forgiven or just that I need time?

 

Sorry, this is long and probably didn't make much sense. Has anyone experienced this? Does anyone have any words of wisdom? I am overjoyed to have my friend back. I just want that nagging hurt to go away, too.

[shalom22]

I don't know that I have any words of wisdom or good advice, but :grouphug: to you for putting forth the effort to keep your friendship.

 

I did have a very close friend for about 6 years, we were like sisters. Our kids were the same age and also homeschooled. We did lots of things together. We were involved in the same religion and that is how we originally met. But a couple of years ago, our family began to move in a different direction in a religious sense. So our friendship basically ended. There apparently wasn't room in their lives for us any longer since we don't walk the same line that they do. We still have intermitten communications, very casual and cordial. But I don't think that there is any hope of having the same kind of relationship that we had before.

 

So I applaud you and your friend for trying to keep the friendship going. Will it succeed, who knows. But at least you didn't drop it like a hot potato.:D

[tex-mex]

I am impressed in the fact you invested so much into the relationship. I have long term friendships but tend to be Aspergery and only let a few chosen ones into the "heart". I have never had an issue like this before, I'll have to admit. However, I tend to run like

(from Star Trek) with people and not let their behavior or quirks get to me. But I have always been fascinated with relationships from an analytical POV. This is a good thread... :bigear::lurk5: Edited December 7, 2010 by tex-mex

[Jean in Newcastle]

I have. Some have gone Poof! because the other person wasn't willing to invest as much in the friendship as I was. You've got to have that investment on both sides to heal. I do have one friend who has had that commitment - we've been friends now for almost 30 years.