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Someone from my homeschool group just forwarded me this one:

 

BAD Parrot

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and

an even worse vocabulary.

 

Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.

 

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

 

Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."

 

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.

 

As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke-up, very softly,

 

"May I ask what the turkey did?"

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I got this one from my mom....an email funny..not anyone we know personally..hope this counts! :001_smile:

 

One year at Thanksgiving, my mom went to my

sister's house for the traditional feast. Knowing

how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to

play a trick. She told my sister that she needed

something from the store.

When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out of

the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen,

and inserted it into the turkey, and re-stuffed the

turkey. She then placed the bird(s) back in the oven.

When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the

turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the

stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something,

she reached in and pulled out the little bird.

With a look of total shock on her face, my mother

exclaimed, "Patricia, you've cooked a pregnant

bird!" At the reality of this horrifying news,

my sister started to cry.

It took the family two hours to convince her that

turkeys lay eggs!

 

 

Yep..................SHE'S BLOND!

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