If you use a rewards chart in your home...

[Xuzi]

Maybe I've read too many parenting books, but I'm conflicted on the whole "rewards chart" thing. On the one hand, I LOVE how it seems to help many kids become better at doing their chores without a bunch of wheaping and wailing and gnashing of teeth, and I really do believe it could have that effect on my kids.

 

But... I worry about it creating a "What's in it for me?" mentality in my kids. Doing chores in order to earn a reward, rather than doing chores because they know its their responsibility as a member of the family/resident of the household.

 

So, for all you rewards chart parents out there, have you seen that attitude pop up later in your kids? Did you do anything specific to make sure that it didn't? Or do something later to nip it in the bud when it reard it's head? Or did it not show up at all and I'm just dodging phantoms? :tongue_smilie:

[Meriwether]

My kids are little yet, so I don't know how much this will help you.

 

MY kids are expected to help me, but the things I ask them to do aren't necessarily on their charts. For example, my Ds4 has brush teeth, get dressed, make bed, etc. on his chart. Those things are challenging to him. During the day I might ask him to do any number of things that aren't on his chart (like run a diaper out to the dump trash). I will give him money to spend in the chore store for the items on the chart, but if I ask him to do something to help out, he does not get money. The chart has jobs that I want him to develop into habits. Once they become habits, he will get other chores to do. Dd7 has make bed on her chart, but I expect her to get herself dressed and brush her teeth just because it is something she needs to do every day.

 

As the kids grow, more and more things will become part of their routine. I'll keep paying them for jobs they are growing into.

[ProudGrandma]

But... I worry about it creating a "What's in it for me?" mentality in my kids. Doing chores in order to earn a reward, rather than doing chores because they know its their responsibility as a member of the family/resident of the household.

 

:tongue_smilie:

 

this is why we do both...they are resposible for chores (no pay) and jobs (.25 )....BUT unless the day's chores are completed to my satisfaction, they won't get paid for their jobs (even if they did them). And, the ratio between the 2 is not equal...they have more chores than jobs...they are part of our family and we need their help to maintain good order in our home. But we all like to have a little spending money too...and this has helped with the "I want..." when we are at Wal-mart...cause now all I say is if you have the money you can buy it...or put it on your Christmas/Birthday list. Do they still get greedy? Yes, they are kids...but now I don't feel guilty about not giving in to them....if they want something bad enough, they will save up for it.

[Pamela H in Texas]

I am pretty much against reward systems, especially for things you just are supposed to do (obeying, chores, schoolwork, etc).

 

However, I have two thoughts that may be of use to you.

 

1) Reward systems can be temporary in order to a) encourage motivation, b) start a new habit, c) make things fun when learning, etc So if you used one for a few weeks just to get into a new mode, it may be just fine AND not have the drawbacks you are worried about (for very good reason).

 

2) Instead of a reward system, it could be set up to show progress in and of itself. The child knows he needs to do X because X isn't marked off the list yet. The child has progressed because he got 5 of his marks without mom's help for the day. It allows him to be independent, have visual feedback, and he can be proud of what he's accomplished - No outside reward necessary.

 

Of course, your kids are very little. You could probably jump into a reasonable chore system.

[BMW]

I understand both sides of the issue.

 

What worked best for all of us over the years was variety and fun!

 

Really. Whatever your stance is on chores and rewards, making chore time fun is a win-win.

 

Over the years we have done chore bingo. I honestly cannot tell you what the reward was... probably just a high five and a cheer most days! The children liked the chore bingo cards that I made up for them because they could choose which row to do (some rows had the same items!).

 

If the children ever did have the "what's in it for me?" attitude, I just said that we work as a family. I never had money to pay for chores. I would give incentives, though... like a trip to the park. "Hey, lets do chore bingo and when we're done play at the park!"

[Xuzi]

I understand both sides of the issue.

 

What worked best for all of us over the years was variety and fun!

 

Really. Whatever your stance is on chores and rewards, making chore time fun is a win-win.

 

Over the years we have done chore bingo. I honestly cannot tell you what the reward was... probably just a high five and a cheer most days! The children liked the chore bingo cards that I made up for them because they could choose which row to do (some rows had the same items!).

 

If the children ever did have the "what's in it for me?" attitude, I just said that we work as a family. I never had money to pay for chores. I would give incentives, though... like a trip to the park. "Hey, lets do chore bingo and when we're done play at the park!"

Could you explain what your chore bingo chart looked like?? My oldest loooooooves Bingo, and I bet she would totally go for this!

[BMW]

For chore Bingo I just made 2 inch squares on a piece of paper, about 4 squares across and 4 down. I would decide which chores I didn't want him/her to miss and put them on each row (but not next to each other) Then I would put the more negotiable chores in the other squares and read them with the children (depending on their ages, older ones could read it for themselves). They picked a row and each time one of the chores got done, it would get a sticker or a smile with a marker over it.