Best resource for coping with ADD child

[jenL]

I'm at my wit's end with my 7 1/2 yo son. He's like a train wreck because he can barely focus on anything lately. His perfectionist personality and ADD tendencies are violently opposed to one another, and he is struggling in nearly everything: focusing on schoolwork, following directions, chores, even in how he treats others (often becoming easily agitated with peers and his brother).

 

I'm looking for any advice. Is there a book that has greatly impacted your understanding of ADD and how to handle your child? A website? An herb? An activity? We're really trying to avoid medication.

 

Thanks so much!

[MyLittleWonders]

Have you looked at the Feingold program? It's the elimination of all artificial ingredients, and in stage one, things high in salycilates (sp?). It has helped my older two quite a bit.

[jg_puppy]

I am having the same issues with my son. I can't tell if it is ADD or just a 7 year old boy. The older he gets the more I think it is ADD, and I just don't know what to do either.

 

Jan

[ondreeuh]

I was not able to find any non-medical treatment that made improvement in my son, because ADD/ADHD is a neurological issue, not a behavior issue. You can try using workboxes, martial arts, yoga, checklists, positive-reinforcement behavior protocols, etc. but please keep in mind that those approaches are only treating the symptoms and not the cause.

 

If your child truly does have ADD (and I assume you've already taken him for a visit with a pediatric psychiatrist or psychologist) then please be open to medical management. The only thing that can treat the problem is stimulant medication. I wish people wouldn't be so afraid of using medication. My son is on meds (Concerta) and he is a totally normal, goofy kid - not a zombie, not "on speed" or anything like that. Meds have only improved his life.

 

I am editing my first version of this post because I realized I sounded too harsh. My son has multiple health issues and the ADHD is the one that is the least of my worries because it is managed so well with medication. He is also on meds for insomnia, a bladder disorder, and a heart arrhythmia, so medical treatment is part of our life and I am so grateful for it.

Edited October 22, 2010 by ondreeuh

[jg_puppy]

I was not able to find any non-medical treatment that made improvement in my son, because ADD/ADHD is a neurological issue, not a behavior issue. You can treat the symptoms by using workboxes, martial arts, yoga, checklists, positive-reinforcement behavior protocols, etc. but don't expect that to make your child able to focus when the focusing part of his bran is not able to function properly. The only thing that can treat the problem is stimulant medication. I wish people wouldn't be so closed-minded about using medication. My son is on meds (Concerta) and he is a totally normal, goofy kid - not a zombie, not "on speed" or anything like that. They have only improved his life.

 

I completely understand what you are saying. My question about my son is how do I know if that is him or not. This week we tried giving him some caffeine before his speech therapy sessions. It made a huge difference. His teacher was so surprised at how focused he was and how much better he was doing. I watch the sessions and I noticed a huge difference as well.

 

Sorry I am not trying to hijack this thread.

 

Jan

[jenL]

I completely understand what you are saying. My question about my son is how do I know if that is him or not. This week we tried giving him some caffeine before his speech therapy sessions. It made a huge difference. His teacher was so surprised at how focused he was and how much better he was doing. I watch the sessions and I noticed a huge difference as well.

 

Sorry I am not trying to hijack this thread.

 

Jan

 

No worries about hijacking the thread. Whatever I can learn from your situation has to help with mine! :lol: Ask away... I'm following.

[MyLittleWonders]

I was not able to find any non-medical treatment that made improvement in my son, because ADD/ADHD is a neurological issue, not a behavior issue. You can try using workboxes, martial arts, yoga, checklists, positive-reinforcement behavior protocols, etc. but please keep in mind that those approaches are only treating the symptoms and not the cause.

 

If your child truly does have ADD (and I assume you've already taken him for a visit with a pediatric psychiatrist or psychologist) then please be open to medical management. The only thing that can treat the problem is stimulant medication. I wish people wouldn't be so afraid of using medication. My son is on meds (Concerta) and he is a totally normal, goofy kid - not a zombie, not "on speed" or anything like that. Meds have only improved his life.

 

I am editing my first version of this post because I realized I sounded too harsh. My son has multiple health issues and the ADHD is the one that is the least of my worries because it is managed so well with medication. He is also on meds for insomnia, a bladder disorder, and a heart arrhythmia, so medical treatment is part of our life and I am so grateful for it.

I don't think it's necessarily being closed-minded to medication. And I do believe that neurological issues can be treated and/or cured by eliminating foods or substances that are the cause of the neuro issues.

Gluten-Brain connection

Sample of research on connection between ADD/ADHD and diet, including food coloring

Our middle son was "cured" of neuro-related issues through diet. Our oldest son has had much of his attention issues "cured" through diet. If a parent wants to choose medication for treatment, that is their choice and one I will never judge nor question. If a parent wants to use nutrition and diet as a treatment for ADD/ADHD and other neurologically based issues, they deserve the same non-judgmental respect. Our brains function or don't function in large part to what we put in our bodies. To dismiss that connection, and thus dismiss the possible successes one can find through dietary modification and/or nutritional supplementation is to dismiss a growing body of research as well as a very large body of anecdotal reports of thousands of families. Stimulant medication is not the only thing that can treat brain function.

[ondreeuh]

There is a difference between problems concentrating due to dietary issues (including gluten, dyes, additives, etc.) and clinically diagnosed ADD/ADHD. The pp said her son had ADD, which I assumed meant he had been accurately diagnosed. By all means, if making dietary changes improves your concentration or your child's, then make those changes. But true ADD/ADHD is not caused by diet.

[justamouse]

Wine. And then some whine. ;)

 

I have some answers, but they're going to take a cup of coffee and a hatchling wants to use the puter right now. I'll be back.

[rafiki]

.

[Mrs Mungo]

This board.

[jenL]

Our middle son was "cured" of neuro-related issues through diet. Our oldest son has had much of his attention issues "cured" through diet. If a parent wants to choose medication for treatment, that is their choice and one I will never judge nor question. If a parent wants to use nutrition and diet as a treatment for ADD/ADHD and other neurologically based issues, they deserve the same non-judgmental respect. Our brains function or don't function in large part to what we put in our bodies. To dismiss that connection, and thus dismiss the possible successes one can find through dietary modification and/or nutritional supplementation is to dismiss a growing body of research as well as a very large body of anecdotal reports of thousands of families. Stimulant medication is not the only thing that can treat brain function.

 

Thank you for your understanding. I'm definitely going to look into the diet aspect and research it at this point.

 

I think right now I am struggling with "accepting him for who he is" as mentioned by another mom here. It's exceptionally hard for my dh to do this, so I feel as if I'm refereeing them, trying to help ds, and also trying to stay sane with our situation and his behaviors.

Edited October 22, 2010 by jenL
spelling error

[MyLittleWonders]

Thank you for your understanding. I'm definitely going to look into the diet aspect and research it at this point.

 

I think right now I am struggling with "accepting him for who he is" as mentioned by another mom here. It's exceptionally hard for my dh to do this, so I feel as if I'm refereeing them, trying to help ds, and also trying to stay sane with our situation and his behaviors.

:grouphug: I so understand, down to having to referee at times, though usually it's more of refereeing between boys.

[justamouse]

have coffee

 

OK, my 19 is the one with ADHD, and at first we tried to alter his diet and it worked-somewhat. then he got older and could NOT deal with school so we put him on meds until he became a walking cocktail and none of it was working and then we stopped that.

 

Fish Oil works, but if I had to do it all over again, I would give him more fish oil and be much better with consequences and would wish that I came upon YOU AND YOUR ADD CHILD much earlier.

 

http://www.amazon.com/You-Your-D-D-Child-Understand/dp/0785278958/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1287779367&sr=1-1

 

There are so many more books out there now than when I was raising mine. I haven't read many of the new ones, but they look good.

 

I remember my son's psychologist almost yelling at me, "He isn't defined by his ADD." But to me, that's all he was. A bundle of symptoms. He's such a classic ADD, too, that I still do it. He doesn't GET when he pushes people too far, he hates the bird because the bird screams, yet doesn't comprehend that he makes more noise than the bird and the kids put together. He has to have the TV on with itunes and chat at the same time-all blasting (we actually have a very quiet house when he is not in it). Nothing is his fault, ever. At 19 he's getting a handle on it, somewhat, but it takes a lot of explaining from me if he hasn't made me want to kill him already. He hates school with a passion and only now can gather his thoughts to write a paper.

 

If I were to go back and teach myself one thing-it would be to not react with emotion.

 

That said, he's brilliant. He can take a car apart, and put it back together. He can take electrical boards apart and put them back together. He fixes computers, sees so globally that he's six reactions out.

 

It's frustrating. Welcome to the club.

 

ETA, also, get THE CALL TO BRILLIANCE http://www.amazon.com/Call-Brilliance-Inspire-Parents-Educators/dp/0977836908/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1287780305&sr=1-1

Edited October 22, 2010 by justamouse

[justamouse]

There is a difference between problems concentrating due to dietary issues (including gluten, dyes, additives, etc.) and clinically diagnosed ADD/ADHD. The pp said her son had ADD, which I assumed meant he had been accurately diagnosed. By all means, if making dietary changes improves your concentration or your child's, then make those changes. But true ADD/ADHD is not caused by diet.

 

 

:iagree::iagree:

 

Even though I said Fish oil, it helps-it doesn't cure. If it can be cured by diet, it's not ADD. My son was diagnosed at 4 by a pediatric neurologist. He couldn;t even sit still long enough as a baby to stack blocks and he was on a completely organic no sugar diet.

[ondreeuh]

:iagree::iagree:

 

Even though I said Fish oil, it helps-it doesn't cure. If it can be cured by diet, it's not ADD. My son was diagnosed at 4 by a pediatric neurologist. He couldn;t even sit still long enough as a baby to stack blocks and he was on a completely organic no sugar diet.

 

My son was dx at 3 by a ped neuro, which even to me sounds crazy, but the MRI, EEG, Connors scales, exam and family history were enough. We started seeing a developmental pediatrician at 2, and she thought he was mentally retarded based on his behavior in the office (impulsive, not responding to commands, low frustration threshold, etc.) He missed a lot of skills in the early years because he couldn't attend long enough to do the task. He actually qualified for SSI because he was functionally disabled. When I finally put him on meds it changed his life. I had no idea how bad it was until it wasn't bad anymore, kwim? He still has LDs but he is actually high IQ (take that, dev. ped!). There's no way we would have seen his potential if he was not treated.

[elise1mds]

I think right now I am struggling with "accepting him for who he is" as mentioned by another mom here. It's exceptionally hard for my dh to do this, so I feel as if I'm refereeing them, trying to help ds, and also trying to stay sane with our situation and his behaviors.

 

 

It's HARD to accept them and then be able to work with them and do it all 'right.' I had to go through every single stage of the grieving process to be able to finally look and say, "This is WHO HE IS, and HE is okay with it, and *I* am okay with it, and let's move on." That was why I chose to homeschool, because he was so proud of who HE was, but being in a classroom was killing that because all the teachers and other students could see were his symptoms - bouncing out of the chair, knocking things over, the inability to focus, etc. (My son also has Asperger's, so he didn't do well socially either.) I hated that his self-esteem was taking a hit. He's much more confident now that he's at home, and he's able to work on focusing rather than worrying about his peers. Deep breathing and yoga exercises did wonders for him, too, because he was displaying anxiety symptoms. The perfectionist/Asperger's side of him was competing with his ADHD side, and anxiety was the result. Deep breathing helped SO much. If I sit down and do it with him, we both wind up in better places mentally.

 

I'm not above giving him a small cup of coffee on his bad days, either. We did the medication thing, and I just don't want to go back to it. There's nothing WRONG with it, and I'd happily tell you what medications we used and what the side effects were, but I'd rather not go there again unless it's absolutely necessary. He grows too fast (he just turned 8 and is 4'8" and 84 lbs.), and the meds affected his appetite. Six ounces of coffee with some creamer does the trick for us, at least enough to get him to focus on his math.

 

Just take it one day and one subject at a time. Try to think about what you'd want a teacher at a brick-and-mortar school to do if he had an IEP, and then do that. Use sticker charts if he's motivated by those, or find another reward system. Focus on one problem at a time - peer relationships or schoolwork or simply repeating a direction back to you - and then go for the snowball effect. I know when I can get my son to relax in one area of his life, the rest quickly follow suit.

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

Chin up, mom! You're doing great!