7yo ds & pg mama

[Aubrey]

Ds7 has been in trouble lately. Not big trouble, mostly just kid stuff, boy stuff, whatever.

 

Today, I was in the middle of changing a diaper & didn't have the powder. (He or dd had brought it to the bedroom earlier.) So I asked him to go get it. (We have 3 big ones floating around the house.)

 

He comes back saying he can't find it. I tell him to keep looking as I blow-dry baby's bottom. He argues, pouts, asks me to come help. Finally, frustrated w his arguing, I tell him he can keep looking or go to bed.

 

You know, I'm fine w him not finding it, but it seems reasonable to ask him to look for another min before I've got baby's bottom completely air-dried & give up. But instead, he ended up in tears (of anger), & in bed. Over something so small.

 

Yesterday, he didn't finish his morning chores. ALL. DAY. (We've sort-of unofficially taken the week off to clean house, sew, etc. I figure we'll do about half a week's worth of stuff, but I haven't told them.) Anyway, he kept sneaking off to his bedroom to play until at 7PM when I asked him *again* if he'd finished his math drill (kind of a hand held computer game thing), he still hadn't done it all--10-20 min worth, tops. I asked him to put a stack of laundry away 3 times before he finished. Etc. All day.

 

So I have this sense that this is my own fault somehow. That I'm getting too angry over small stuff, you know, and frustrating him, & making the situation worse. I can't see it, I just suspect it. Being pg & all. So part of me wants to extend sympathy to him. To go get him out of bed & tell him to go outside & play & that I won't be pg forever & I'm sorry. Otoh, it seems like that's happening a lot lately. & maybe that's why he's more argumentative & less quick to obey.

 

And I'm really embarrassed to ask about it at all, because he's such a good kid--how on earth can I get so angry w him over such dumb stuff? And then I worry even more that I'm causing a bunch of built-up anger inside him that's going to come back and bite me in the behind when he's a teenager. And that's when I *really* want to send him outside to play. With ice cream or something. Because, you know, you can buy a kid's love. :rolleyes:

 

Anybody got some gentle perspective? Please?

[Mom2legomaniacs]

Mine go in spurts with stuff like that. Sometimes you just have to ride is out. If I pull mine in closer for extra special time and more devoted attention, it helps. (((aubrey))) I understand. My boys react similarly at times.

[HS mom]

stuff that worked with mine:

 

spend a little special, one on one time with the child. start reading a book together- 10 minutes or so. Henry Huggins or Homer Price; something fun. or watch him do something he likes, maybe set up cars for races. just something simple and a part of the day.

 

if you ask him do do something, break it into small steps and make him accountable. "go look for the powder on the kitchen counter near the microwave, and then on the counter near the dishwasher. come back and tell me if it's there". then, " go look on the floor in front of the sofa, and the coffee table, and the TV stand. come back and tell me if it's there. then thank him for his help. same with homework. "sit here at the table and do these math problems" with some encouragement from you along the way will make it easier on both of you. he's young; to give a twenty minute math assignment, by himself, on his own, is a lot. (imho) and simple praise for jobs completed or help or thoughtfulness to siblings makes everybody happy and reinforces self-image and their value to the family.

 

when your husband comes home, make sure to tell him how your son helped you during the day, in front of your son. not lavish praise for something little like that, but just a mention.

 

and boys, usually more than girls, need a lot of physical activity. don't know how you can manage that, but consult with your husband to find a way to get some energy out on a (mostly) daily basis. you'll find that will help, too.

 

you probably do all these things. just talkin' :). sounds like a busy week, and your routine is off. and kids go through phases, as you mention. (kid stuff)

[Jean in Newcastle]

My first impressions (which may not be completely accurate - not being in your shoes and all): It doesn't sound like you are requiring first time obedience in addition to prompt obedience (and I do think that both are desirable things). The first time you asked him to put away the clothes he should have done it right then (unless you asked him to do it at a later time- but I do like to remind them in that case, in case they really did forget). If he is in the habit of not obeying right away, you would need to check on him within 5 min. to make sure he is doing/has done what you've asked him to do. If not, he needs to be disciplined right then.

 

At first, when training this it is a big royal pain in the you know what. But it really makes life easier and doesn't have to be all a drill sergeant in your face kind of thing. In fact, when I ask my kids to do something, they snap to attention, salute and yell (in a squeaky voice) "Yes, Captain Mommy!" Then they do it and every one is laughing and having a good time. (BTW, I don't require them to respond like that - dd6 made it up and it has stuck!) :gnorsi:

[Melissa in Australia]

I have found that my boys respond a lot quicker to a race than a request. something like can you find the powder before I have dried the baby's bottom, ready, set, go... can you do your math drill before I have the load of laundry on the line, If you beat me you get a prize ( maybe some raisins, or choc chips) If I beat you, I get the prize.

Boys really love competitions, and hate being told what to do. It works every time. they are happy, they are having fun. you are happy, and the fammily goes a lot smother

MelissaL

mother of 4 boys and 1 girl

[Amy in Orlando]

Ds7 has been in trouble lately. Not big trouble, mostly just kid stuff, boy stuff, whatever.

 

Today, I was in the middle of changing a diaper & didn't have the powder. (He or dd had brought it to the bedroom earlier.) So I asked him to go get it. (We have 3 big ones floating around the house.)

 

He comes back saying he can't find it. I tell him to keep looking as I blow-dry baby's bottom. He argues, pouts, asks me to come help. Finally, frustrated w his arguing, I tell him he can keep looking or go to bed.

 

You know, I'm fine w him not finding it, but it seems reasonable to ask him to look for another min before I've got baby's bottom completely air-dried & give up. But instead, he ended up in tears (of anger), & in bed. Over something so small.

 

Yesterday, he didn't finish his morning chores. ALL. DAY. (We've sort-of unofficially taken the week off to clean house, sew, etc. I figure we'll do about half a week's worth of stuff, but I haven't told them.) Anyway, he kept sneaking off to his bedroom to play until at 7PM when I asked him *again* if he'd finished his math drill (kind of a hand held computer game thing), he still hadn't done it all--10-20 min worth, tops. I asked him to put a stack of laundry away 3 times before he finished. Etc. All day.

 

So I have this sense that this is my own fault somehow. That I'm getting too angry over small stuff, you know, and frustrating him, & making the situation worse. I can't see it, I just suspect it. Being pg & all. So part of me wants to extend sympathy to him. To go get him out of bed & tell him to go outside & play & that I won't be pg forever & I'm sorry. Otoh, it seems like that's happening a lot lately. & maybe that's why he's more argumentative & less quick to obey.

 

And I'm really embarrassed to ask about it at all, because he's such a good kid--how on earth can I get so angry w him over such dumb stuff? And then I worry even more that I'm causing a bunch of built-up anger inside him that's going to come back and bite me in the behind when he's a teenager. And that's when I *really* want to send him outside to play. With ice cream or something. Because, you know, you can buy a kid's love. :rolleyes:

 

Anybody got some gentle perspective? Please?

 

(((Aubrey)))) my oldest son was 7 when my youngest was born. My frustration with him and his distracted behavior was very similar to what you're describing. Looking back now, I think it was a combination of my expecting too much from him (with little supervision) and him testing his boundaries. My "baby" is now a year older than that and I would react so much differently if he failed to do something I ask. I shudder when I think of the needless battles and lectures my oldest son endured.

 

The good news? My son is now approaching 16. He's a wonderful, smart and immensely helpful young man and he has been for years. The demands on your time and sleep and energy will change over the next few years. You'll be amazed at how much easier things seem.

 

In the meantime, my experience with boys in the 6-10 range (and often beyond) is that it helps if you get down and talk to them on their level - hold their chin gently if you need to so he can "see" you talking to him. Be very specific and very brief with your instructions. If you want something done within a certain time frame, get a tiny timer you can carry in your pocket. Boys (no experience with girls here) get so easily distracted by the craziest things and within seconds, anything you've said can completely disappear from their minds.

 

I also used this time to become very organized. I kept multiple sets of things like baskets of diaper stuff, first aid stuff, extra school stuff in different places around the house. I made sure to restock and put the baskets back in the right place before I went to bed each night. It's a pain, but it's worth the time in savings on frustration like you described with the powder.

 

Hang in there, Aubrey. (And don't read my blog from today - :lol::lol:) it does get better. You don't have to accept disobedience or defiance from your son, but be gentle with him. I know he seems grown up to you, but he's still so young. He'll come around. I have no doubt in my mind that he will be a fine young man who makes you very proud.

[Aubrey]

Thanks, guys. Just wanted to let you know things have been better. I took Melissa's advice, got him up, & just spent time w/ him.

 

Turns out he was feeling kind-of neglected because I'd been spending so much time sewing w dd lately. So I showed him some projects I'd been saving to make for him, & we talked.

 

His attitude & behavior have changed 100%. Dh told him to pick up a toy this AM when he woke up, he remembered to do it, & when I called him to unload the dw, he insisted that he needed to finish the other first. When he came to the kitchen to help, he said, "I just want to obey you guys."

 

I guess I just wish there were a fool-proof way to know, when we hit those rough patches, if it's me or him, kwim? Esp when I *know* I'm short-tempered & pg...