Depression and teenage daughters

[luv2read]

I think our dd (15 years old) is depressed and it has been going on for a few months. She is cranky and is real lack luster. She lashes out at us and her brother. She is burned out on everything. She does not go back and stay in her bedroom. She's very social at home and likes to play games etc. She sleeps at night fine. She could eat more. I'm just trying to figure out how depressed she is.

 

She is doing correspondence classes throught a couple universities and she is a real high achiever which can be good and bad. She has a 4.0 and is at the point she seems to hate school.

 

After the picnic today, I came home and was doing some chores. I thought she was doing school but found her playing video games. She did not do school this morning before leaving either. I mentioned that if her classes were not done by June 6 she would get a zero on her transcript. She said a zero was fine with her. I told her that if she didn't care then just go back and play her video game. She looked at me like I was an alien and went to do her schoolwork.

 

She complains that she has 1 friend. We had a homeschool picnic today and rather than playing volleyball with the kids she set by me on the blanket with the moms. It was hot though. She has been around the kids for years. Finally after awhile she went over to watch them play. One of the moms mentioned to her about the volleyball and she said she was not in to playing sports.

 

She was in counseling for 2-3 months because of this and we finally stopped going. She was pretty much the same only I was spending $100 a week. The therapist just worked with her on thinking positive etc. We have had no major life changes etc.

 

So I guess I'm asking if you have encountered this with your daughter and what did you do? I am thinking she needs exercise for sure. She is very petite and slender but I know it would help her. Also, I bought vitamins for her but she is not taking them. I need to remind her. Any other suggestions or ideas would be much appreciated.

 

I'm ready to stop the correspondence classes and let her take a couple classes at the community college next year which she thinks would be nice. She will be a junior. And, our hs group has a chemistry class so that would let her do something with other kids too. Maybe this is just too much studying alone. Her little brother is 7 so it's not like they do any type of school together.

 

Thanks for your help.

Jo

[Alyce]

It sounds like your dd has some issues that she needs to deal with. She is definitely withdrawing and that's a good sign of depression. I would also ask you if she's always been thin. If she hasn't you could be dealing with another sign of depression. I think you should try the counseling route again but perhaps with someone who deals with teenagers a lot. If she was only in counseling for 2-3 months, that is not enough time to see much of a difference. I know it's expensive but in the long run it would be worth it. I was depressed when I was in high school but nobody paid any attention. The first year I went off to college I tried to kill myself. That's when everyone started noticing things that they overlooked and attributed to being a "teenager". It took me a while to deal with the issues that were troubling me (a couple of years) It was expensive but worth every penny. If you had looked at me after 3 months in therapy you would have said nothing was happening but remember therapy starts in the mind and then spreads to your life. I would at least have her evaluated by a therapist. I ended up becoming a psy nurse because of my life changing event and I have seen a lot of teenagers who have problems but their parents think they're just going through a phase. Your dd mental health is nothing to mess with and she is entering a turbulent time in her life. It sounds like she needs some help. As for school it could be that she's just stressed right now. I doubt going to a community college is going to help that issue. She'll still have stress. The college courses could be just exacerbating the problem. Perhaps you could put them off for awhile.

[Kelli in TN]

We have not dealt with depression, but we have dealt with other issues. I would stick with the counseling even if you don't think you are seeing progress. We had to go for a long, long time. My one daughter who stuck with counseling for her issue (social anxiety disorder) eventually ended up on medication (a teensy, tiny dose) and did so well that she was released by the counselor and now just sees our GP twice a year to get the scrip renewed. Our daughter who did not stay in counseling is still a prisoner of her issue (obsessive compulsive disorder). Guess which daughter is happier and feels like she has the better life?

 

I would stick with the counseling if at all possible. All your other ideas sound great, too by the way. Getting her out around other people may help tremendously.

[Anna]

I agree with Alyce and Kelli. My youngest is 17 and deals with depression.

 

Three months ago our family doc put her on a low dose of Wellbutrin. We're just now seeing her emotions leveling off more. And just as recent as 2 weeks ago, we had to make another adjustment with the meds because she was still struggling with depression each month when her her period would begin and it would last for several days. Now doctor has her doubling the dosage each month during those "period days". Dd's also been seeing a Christian counselor every two weeks. The counseling makes a huge difference so we have no intention of stopping it any time soon.

 

Don't take depression lightly. Usually you only see a fraction of what is really going on in their head. Your dd only wants to feel "normal" but she needs someone to take her seriously.

 

One more thing--- If you need a professional counselor, take care in choosing the right one. We found ours through our pastor and the counselor was also on our insurance list so we grabbed her. She has worked wonders for my dd. And don't mickey-mouse around with counseling from your pastor unless he is a professional counselor.

[Kimber]

As I get older, I find that I have more battles with depression that have to do with a hormonal imbalance that I've had since I was in my 20's. I had to take supplements so as not to miscarry with all 4 of my children. So it's a diagnosed problem.

 

What works for me is B-complex vitamins and iron supplements. The iron helps with energy and the B vitamins balance out my hormones enough that the depression is almost minimal. I can think clearly and focus on tasks for longer periods of time.

 

These two things are cheap to try and are worth the effort. You can even purchase these things as chewable vitamins. But the advice the other ladies have given you has also been very good. But I would try B vitamins and have her take it in front of me. If it's at the beginning of her cycle, the result would be that she wouldn't sink into depression as deeply. Starting mid-cycle has less impact.

 

 

Good Luck,

Kimberly

[Jenny in Atl]

This maybe off the wall but does she exercise? My dd12 has some issues with anxiety (runs in the family). Often depression and anxiety are treated in the same manner. One natural way to help (not cure) is with exercise. My dd has really found that this helps. Even a brisk walk or quick run can help increase the feeling of well being. Cutting down on sugars and artificial additives can also help. These in addition to professional help might help her turn the corner. :grouphug:

[Guest Kim Marie]

I only wanted to add that there are many online questionaires that you and your daughter could take a look at. It helps to confirm that it is depression. It really can help a depressed person to see the questions that are asked and to realize that you are not alone and/or crazy. I also think that therapy is a good place to start. There is always a real possiblity of suicidal feelings and these questionaires can go along way in recognizing that you need help. I would suggest that you allow her to fill them out alone and then take a look at her scores together and go from there. Clinical depression is a huge battle for anyone and each and every person has "symptoms" that need to be treated with a combination of therapy, medication and positive self-talk,even if only temporarily. I was given a book called Feeling Good by David D. Burns, MD and he also has a handbook. This book contains questionaires as well as a section called Practical Applications plus tons of other info. It was given to me by a friend that suffered from Depression and we both go back and take these questionaires fairly often to help us get a handle on if we are slipping back into old patterns and negative self talk. Good Luck to you!

Kim Marie