What is/was your relationship with your father like?

[happi duck]

I love my dad and he loves me. This has always been true. However, my real parental "relationship" was with my mom and mom only. Mom is the one that truly knew me and shared my whole life. When mom died, dad didn't know how to relate to me without mom.

 

I never compared dh to my dad.

 

The effect: I am very happy that our dc have real relationships with both dh and me. We make a point of both being involved.

[Peela]

I have some fond memories of being in nature with my nature loving dad. Camping, fishing, bushwalking, making fires, and we used to compete making gardens. Definitely not completely absent. However...emotionally not a very present person. He is a scientist, and astrophysicist (retired now) and he was a workaholic, leaving most parenting to mum. He went away for large chunks of time, observing. I do remember several memorable family holidays.

They separated when I was 13- very devastating for me. I went into my teens in depression and my parents could not really reach me- in retrospect, I should have been forced into counselling, but both parents were obsessed with their new partners. I did live with my dad for about a year after mum moved to the country- it was not a happy time and I was an agry and hurt teen. I left home at 16.

I didn't really reconnect with my dad till my twenties, and it has been a friendly relationship since then. I had done therapy and forgiven him, but it is still where I have been quite wounded. I dont see dad often- he lives on the other side of Australia. He came and spent a week with us in March- that was the most time I had spent with him since I was a teenager, and it was good..but still, "friendly" would be a better term rather than warm and close. He has cancer. I love him. I will miss him when he goes and I will love him as much as I can...and, it will probably never be especially warm and close. But, its ok and I am glad for what it is.

 

My husband is nothing like my academic, intellectual, scientific dad. Dh is warm, effusive, affectionate,in your face, dominating, not an academic type at all. Possibly the opposite of dh? He is also an older man- 13.5 years older than me- so definitely likely to be some father stuff in there.

[tonya in sc]

Mine died when I was 2. I never knew him. I was raised by my grandmother. My mother, who had visitation, had a whole string of husbands, but I only ever liked one of them. He wasn't really a father to me, though.

I was adopted when I was 15, and there was a dad in the house. He was a commercial fisherman, though, so not around often. He was a quiet man, and told me once flat-out that he and his wife had agreed when they got married that the kids were hers to raise. I liked him, but he was kind of a non-entity.

I married a man who is family-focused, but not very involved in the day-to-day stuff, which is fine with me. He does plan the most amazing family vacations, though!! :D

[cjbeach]

Mine will be 79 next month. My dad would probably be dx'd on the spectrum somewhere TODAY. He is a very bright man, but socially shy/akward. He won a scholarship to a private high school but had to turn it down, he had to go to work at 14. :001_huh:He married my mom who was all personality. He is so, so kind. I love him to pieces. He's with my brother in Philadelphia but I want him here with me. I am much younger than my siblings so I grew up alone in the house with my parents. We were always tight. I am so blessed. :001_wub: