Attitude Problem (His & Mine...)

[Caraway]

I am reaching the end of my rope with my 6 yo son. We have basically been starting school whenever the kids start bickering instead of playing quietly. I have things that I want to cover every day, but not a set timed schedule.

 

I think this approach is coming around to bite me in the rear.

 

The amount of complaining, whining, and crying around here is unreal. No matter what the topic or what the curriculum, I am dealing with "I hate this, you never do what I want, you are always making me do things I don't want to do." I have tried adding a timer, doing something he wants first, doing what he wants last, sending him to the couch, adding work for bad behavior. I have tried making things fun. I have tried making things short and to the point. Harder. Easier. Nothing is helping, and I am becoming very.... angry. Let me be clear that we are doing a minimum amount of work, this is not because I am working him to the bone.

 

Not everything in life is what we want, you do need to know how to add, and I cannot stand that my entire life is listening to two children claim that I am ruining their lives because I am making them do work. :glare:

 

I do not know what to do. He does not seem to understand that if he would just get it done we could move on already. His attitude is BAD about almost everything, almost all the time. I am thinking about doing a school-like schedule tomorrow to attempt to impress upon him how good he has it. I think that this means that we will all sit at the kitchen table and weep until some time after noon.

 

Suggestions????

[RoughCollie]

To my horror, my kids preferred to have a set schedule when they were in elementary school.

 

Each child had a copy and they stuck to it religiously. It started with getting up, getting dressed, and making their beds, and ended with lights out. Play time, outside activities, meal times, errands, and chores were accounted for, in addition to school.

 

If they became disruptive at the table while doing school work, I gave demerits. Two demerits = 1 chore (starting with ones they hated like cleaning a toilet).

 

If they became distracted from their work, I thumped them on the head with a pencil to get their attention back on the work.

 

Work that required a flat surface was done at the table. Otherwise, we did not sit there.

 

They thrived.

[Caraway]

To my horror, my kids preferred to have a set schedule when they were in elementary school.

 

Each child had a copy and they stuck to it religiously. It started with getting up, getting dressed, and making their beds, and ended with lights out. Play time, outside activities, meal times, errands, and chores were accounted for, in addition to school.

 

If they became disruptive at the table while doing school work, I gave demerits. Two demerits = 1 chore (starting with ones they hated like cleaning a toilet).

 

If they became distracted from their work, I thumped them on the head with a pencil to get their attention back on the work.

 

Work that required a flat surface was done at the table. Otherwise, we did not sit there.

 

They thrived.

 

Did the schedules give them times that things started and stopped? (Math @ 10 am) Or the number of minutes? (30 min of math) Or did it just say to do it, and when it was done to your satisfaction it could be crossed off? (Math)

[Jayne J]

We had the same issues here this year. The attitude was unbelievable, to the point where ds would spit (spit!!!) on his math or phonics book to express his dislike. Let me say, this is *not* normal or anywhere near the realm of acceptable behavior in or house. And I tried many of the same things, trying to make the work acceptable or fun or whatever.

Nothing changed until the day I just decided he was not in charge. I had done a lot of work putting together the lessons and teaching him. He needed me to let him know who was in charge, in a calm, kind, firm, final way. We have a schedule of when we start work. I decide what needs to be done each day, but let him decide what order to do it in. And for several months, each time we had a flare up, I reminded him that I was the teacher. We have a motto now--"It doesn't have to be fun, it just has to be done." When it can be fun, I try to make it so, but he is in charge of learning what is set before him--it is not my job to throw a party for him.

 

I think he was just testing the boundaries--if I push this far, will she let me get out of doing school, or this subject? Will she give up before I do? The days I ended up too frustrated to continue, he won. (I don't like categorizing it in terms of win/lose, but I think ds perceived it as such.)

 

Long story short: calm, kind, firm reminders, a refusal to be ruffled (or the appearance thereof:D) and perserverance worked here.

[Caraway]

We had the same issues here this year. The attitude was unbelievable, to the point where ds would spit (spit!!!) on his math or phonics book to express his dislike. Let me say, this is *not* normal or anywhere near the realm of acceptable behavior in or house. And I tried many of the same things, trying to make the work acceptable or fun or whatever.

Nothing changed until the day I just decided he was not in charge. I had done a lot of work putting together the lessons and teaching him. He needed me to let him know who was in charge, in a calm, kind, firm, final way. We have a schedule of when we start work. I decide what needs to be done each day, but let him decide what order to do it in. And for several months, each time we had a flare up, I reminded him that I was the teacher. We have a motto now--"It doesn't have to be fun, it just has to be done." When it can be fun, I try to make it so, but he is in charge of learning what is set before him--it is not my job to throw a party for him.

 

I think he was just testing the boundaries--if I push this far, will she let me get out of doing school, or this subject? Will she give up before I do? The days I ended up too frustrated to continue, he won. (I don't like categorizing it in terms of win/lose, but I think ds perceived it as such.)

 

Long story short: calm, kind, firm reminders, a refusal to be ruffled (or the appearance thereof:D) and perserverance worked here.

 

Thanks. This is helping a lot. :bigear:

[fairfarmhand]

My kids do better on a set start-up time. We have a list of things that MUST get done before I consider school as done. We will not move on to anything, if it is not checked off (barring things like vomit of course) It is up to my kids whether they want it to go quickly or slowly.

 

I have a list for my oldest (who has had this same problem) of acceptable behavior in school. I spell out exactly how she is to speak to me, no throwing books, pencils etc., no insulting words (this is stupid. I hate it). Whatever the problems are, write them down in black and white. If he chooses to break the rules, then apply a consequence ( maybe a chore) to each one. The first few days, he may do very little besides school and chores. Basically you are going to have to outlast him.

 

Once he figures out you mean business, he will likely settle down.

[Snickerdoodle]

To my horror, my kids preferred to have a set schedule when they were in elementary school.

 

 

 

I agree. I am finding that a set schedule works best. I (mostly) don't let them start playing before doing work because then it's so hard to tear them away from their very involved playmobil set ups. Eat breakfast, get started with work.

[Smithie]

:iagree:

 

My son is an enthusiastic student, very tolerant of seat work, etc. But our schoolday goes right down the tubes if I don't come down like the icy wrath of God Almighty at the first sign of whining, eye-rolling, or other disrespectful behavior.

 

And that's the trigger word - "disrespectful." When I point out in a quiet voice that whatever he's doing is disrespectful, he turns it right off. Presumably all kids have some sort of catchphrase that get their attention and redirects them.

 

Being cool with my kindergartner just doesn't work. Not for school. We can laugh and enjoy ourselves IF the work is proceeding apace, but I need to keep my 19th century schoolmarm right below the surface if I want to finish our work in 90 minutes with no drama.