How do you become self-motivated?

[MomSchool5]

I've lived my entire life for others or for what I "thought" I wanted. Now I am completely stuck. I only do things because others expect it of me. Dh is gone this weekend and I will have to pull myself together to get it clean again. To be honest, the only reason I do housework is because he likes it clean and/or people are coming over. I do not want to interact with the children. I wish I did. I just want them to be good so everyone will be happy with me. I want them to be smart, so they will know I'm a good mother...which I'm not. I'm tired of homeschooling. I know I am ruining them, but them again I would be doing that if they were in ps since my character is what stinks and that is the biggest factor. I got all A's in school because that is what you were supposed to do. Parenting is awful...there is no way to make an A... You can't make them do exactly what they should. Or rather it takes tons of effort to do so.. There is not formula, no information to memorize to get an A. You can do everything right, and they can screw up out of their own volition. I really don't want to go to church or read the Bible, but don't want God to be unhappy with me. But Jesus hasn't helped me with my temper. Not really his fault. I wish I could go live in a very small apartment all by myself, but I don't even know what I would do. So how do you become motivated to do things just because you should...well, actually that is why I do them, not because I want to.

 

So confused,

Mara

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

I've lived my entire life for others or for what I "thought" I wanted. Now I am completely stuck. I only do things because others expect it of me. Dh is gone this weekend and I will have to pull myself together to get it clean again. To be honest, the only reason I do housework is because he likes it clean and/or people are coming over. I do not want to interact with the children. I wish I did. I just want them to be good so everyone will be happy with me. I want them to be smart, so they will know I'm a good mother...which I'm not. I'm tired of homeschooling. I know I am ruining them, but them again I would be doing that if they were in ps since my character is what stinks and that is the biggest factor. I got all A's in school because that is what you were supposed to do. Parenting is awful...there is no way to make an A... You can't make them do exactly what they should. Or rather it takes tons of effort to do so.. There is not formula, no information to memorize to get an A. You can do everything right, and they can screw up out of their own volition. I really don't want to go to church or read the Bible, but don't want God to be unhappy with me. But Jesus hasn't helped me with my temper. Not really his fault. I wish I could go live in a very small apartment all by myself, but I don't even know what I would do. So how do you become motivated to do things just because you should...well, actually that is why I do them, not because I want to.

 

So confused,

Mara

 

Hugs. Been there. How old are your kids?

[LaMere Academy]

No advice, but hugs.

I've been dealing with this too. I'm very unmotivated. OK, I'm downright lazy. All I really want to do is eat, sleep and read.

I'm a huge time waster and I hate cleaning the house.

Where's the magic pill that gives us energy and makes us upbeat and happy? 'Cause I need one...ok, many.

[Ohio12]

I feel this way a lot. You are really brave to admit it. And articluate! You really hit the nail on the head on some of that stuff!

[urban_mom]

would like to go back to work sometimes, but don't b/c we want to want to homeschool and be a sahm. Notice I said that we "want to want to"...many times we don't want to at all. Most of why I do things are exactly for the reasons you stated, but I think God is ok with you starting by doing what is RIGHT b/c it is right and not b/c you want to. At least I hope so! I know I walk by my bible 100 times a day and think "right after I blah-blah-blah". I WANT to want to be close to God, but most of what is inside me wants to do exactly what I want all of the time. I think that is actually the nature of being human. One thing I've been trying to learn to do is to do what I know I need to do b/c it's right, but then for the things I'm doing just b/c I feel like someone else wants me to, I try to excuse myself from doing them and add in things that I want to do. Like, for instance, let the house go some days and everyone will get over it! Don't cook one day and order in and everyone will live! But I feel exactly as you say a lot. It's hard to decipher between what really is required of us, and what we don't have to do but feel like everyone wants us to do. for instance, homeschooling....haha.

[ChristyB in AL]

not all of what you posted but enough to identify!

 

I have been having a hard time getting the housework done. I keep telling myself that somehow we will get it done but we don't. My kids are teens, everyone picks up after themselves for the most part so don't think we live in a pig sty.

There are just days when I would rather cancel the day. Stay in bed as long as I wanted. Read. Sleep more if I wanted.

I have been wondering if it has something to do with this time of year. People may call it spring fever but I am not sure if that is the correct term. I don't think it is uncommon for us homeschool moms to get burned out this time of year, so in my case, that may be it.

 

I am sorry, Mara. ((hugs))

[Copswife]

(((()))) First of all, no one is perfect - Mother, father, or child.

 

Take that burden off right now. :001_wub:

 

I've been there and all I can do is tell you what worked for me. Different things worked at different times.

 

At times I'd say was was blue or evenly mildly depressed. Exercise is the key for me, even if its brisk walking for 30 minutes. I am a totally different person afterwards.

 

Sometimes I need to take the focus off of me and onto others and the Lord. It's so easy for me to make it all about me. Don't we all at times? We want to be appreciated and get acceptance from others. I have to remember everything I do should be to serve the Lord, not my family. They will ultimately disappoint me because they are sinners just like me! lol But when I see scrubbing the toilet as unto the Lord, I somehow feel more important (lol) and it doesn't seem like a chore.

 

Other times I took my life for granted. I got into a funk and thought my life was so tough. Well, after becoming foster parents and taking care of some really needly children, I realize that my kids are pretty darn awesome! (and EASY) When I take my foster son to the public school and see all that happens there, it made me really appreciate the fact that I am able to home school. There are some parents that don't have that luxury.

 

One day a few years ago I realized that *I* don't want a messy house. Even if my husband wasn't here or my kids, would I clean just for me? OH YES! There is a calm when things are in order. My personality needs it, even though I'd call myself a (reformed) messy.

 

We recently had a family meeting and assigned chores, bedtimes, rising times, etc. I have teens and they need to help out. Perhaps your children need some more responsibility.

 

I hope my random thoughts help you out a bit.

 

(((((more hugs)))))

 

Tracie

 

 

 

 

[Sunkirst]

Oh Mara!

 

Wish I could sit down for a bite of dark chocolate and a cup tea with you. You sound like you could really use some time with other HS moms who all too often hit the end of their ropes.

 

I don't have much more to add, but I will second what I feel is some of the best advice: Take the best care of yourself that you can.

 

Exercise everyday. With out children if possible. The quiet solitude of walking or swimming clears my head and lets me hear what's really happening up there.

 

Sleep enough. You know 7 - 8 hours a night. Easier if you've exercised.

 

Take quiet time for yourself. In addition to your exercise. I don't know how old the kids are, but getting up earlier, or getting them to bed earlier, or just declaring a "quiet hour" after lunch might help. When I'm feeling really confused I like to use this time to meditate (Just sit and breath - maybe count your breathes or think "in... out...". The trick is to return to the counting or the in/out repeatedly when your mind starts to wander away. You'll find yourself planning dinner or wondering why someone reacted to something in that way....... And then you just say, "whoops, back to in... out).

 

Good luck, good luck. I don't think you're a bad mom at all, rather it sounds like you've been trying to take care of everybody but yourself. Remember the old saying, "You can only take care of others when you first care for yourself." It isn't selfishness either - It's Necessary!