PollyOR Posted April 4, 2010 Share Posted April 4, 2010 I am a MIL. I dislike MIL threads. And here I am venting about my MIL. Lovely, good-hearted woman. She doesn't understand the word "no." This evening she called to invite us to eat Easter Dinner with them tomorrow. I nicely declined and explained why. She would not take "no" for an answer. I am frustrated. :banghead: She always gets her way. No, I can't cancel. DH would be furious. His mom is a source of contention between us. I have to choose my battles and this one isn't worth it. I'll just have to put on my big girl panties tomorrow. Thank you for listening. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PollyOR Posted April 4, 2010 Author Share Posted April 4, 2010 Okay, I just called back and asked if we could eat at lunch time instead of in the evening and she agreed. That helps me feel like I've regained a little control over my life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted April 4, 2010 Share Posted April 4, 2010 :) Sorry you're put in that spot. I have to remember these threads. Don't wanna bother my kids. On the other hand, don't want to anticipate trouble and move to somewhere else... just so I don't have to work on relationships. Between the MIL threads... and the step parenting I do... after My kids grow up... I just wanna move someplace sunny to retire... my kids can come visit... when they want... and I can drink in some sun... Relationships that should be joyful... can sometimes just suck!! Glad you get to go at lunch.... :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PollyOR Posted April 4, 2010 Author Share Posted April 4, 2010 I just wanna move someplace sunny to retire... my kids can come visit... when they want... and I can drink in some sun... That sounds very, very good right now. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cougarmom4 Posted April 4, 2010 Share Posted April 4, 2010 :grouphug: It is hard dealing with MILs! I also have one who won't take no for an answer and she'll only do things that are HER idea... Actually, my list could go on and on...I could help you feel better cause your MIL isn't as bad as mine...but that probably isn't what you need to hear! Good for you for calling back and changing things to fit better for you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holly IN Posted April 4, 2010 Share Posted April 4, 2010 My hubby told his mother no today about tomorrow. We no longer do things with them in regards to holidays because of what happened at Christmas. It is really a sad situation. She called today inviting us over. My hubby called her back and turned her down. I told him that he and the kids can go but he refused. No is a No!! We already had plans to have my parents over and that is that. DH has taken over where his parents is concerned long ago. I am so glad!!! :D:D Now on the other hand....I hope that my kids will want to visit me during the Holidays. My husband's family is a whole ball of wax and I hope my dh and I will be different than his parents and more like mine. My parents and dh have a much better relationship than he does with his own parents. Holly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PollyOR Posted April 4, 2010 Author Share Posted April 4, 2010 Thank you all for your replies. I know tomorrow will be fine. In fact, I'm sure we'll enjoy ourselves. Sometimes I get so frustrated that no one seems to understand that when I say "no" I don't mean "maybe." I think there is a sign plastered on my back that says "pushover." Thanks again for listening. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted April 4, 2010 Share Posted April 4, 2010 I'm glad it is working out - somewhat. I had been raised to not say no directly - to say something like "I don't think it will work out", "Perhaps another time". Dh had to tell me that I couldn't be that subtle (not that those ways of saying it seem that subtle to me!) I was shocked at how abrupt he would be with his mom!- that is until I realized that I had to be that abrupt too. . . So she would ask me about something, "No". Then she would push. "no". Then she would appear to capitulate but when we didn't show up, she'd call and ask "why aren't you here?" "Because we said, no." There was no emotion in all of this (ie. it was always said calmly and matter-of-factly). What was (sort of) hilarious in all of this was that she would complain to me in the midst of all of this about other relatives who would not take "no" from her and would push her into things! We did try though to be accomodating when we could and to say "yes" or to suggest alternatives that would meet their needs to see us etc. It took years but now when I say "no" she realizes that I mean it (and that it really isn't anything personal). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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