sheryl Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 It hurts so much. I ask myself how much of this is due to her special needs condition and how much of it is environmental/learned. What she said to me really cut to the quick....I'm at the point of tears. And, why does she say I don't love her. She calls me annoying. When she's upset with her dad, my dh, then he's annoying. No, being called annoying is tame compared to what was spoken that really hurt me. Has this happened to any of you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happygrrl Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 :grouphug: Yes. More often now that puberty is setting in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 Yep. With my non-special needs kids, too. The "You don't love me" thing is manipulative. I would ignore it. Later, when it's not being thrown in your face, you can discuss it if you are afraid she truly doesn't feel loved sometimes. If you react in such a way that she can see that it gives her power over you, I'd expect more of the same. All parents are annoying to their kids. :) Of course they would rather do exactly what they want when they want then be told "It's time to___" or "You need to___." It's annoying to a self-focused human being to be interfered with. My kids annoy me too, though I love them. And sometimes yes, I tell them that they are being irritating. Whether it's okay for your dd to tell you that you're annoying when you're doing your job as a parent is another thing, though. If there are special needs that cause socially inappropriate remarks, I'd teach her what is acceptable to say in that situation. If she says something outright mean, if you think it's because she doesn't know how to express herself appropriately, teach her that you don't say things like that and give her a consequence the next time. Don't take it personally. It's something to train. It's not about you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbgrace Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 My special needs kid says he doesn't love me from time to time. He says all sorts of things for their "shock" value or reaction. I just don't react to it and it happens less often. But I'm not hurt. I remember telling my mom I hated her growing up. She would cry in her room. That was too much power in my words. I loved her of course. Kids say things. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sandellie4 Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 I have nothing to add that hasn't already been said, but I wanted to send hugs your way. Sandy :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 No s.n. kids here, but yes, they can be incredibly cruel, especially around puberty. :grouphug: I hope it helps to know that this isn't an s.n. issue, this is an across the board mean and spiteful issue. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelly in IL Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 Absolutely! I have come to understand that my s/n daughter says what she is feeling at a particular moment like it is the way she feels all the time, because for her at that moment it is! I have cried many tears through the years but you have to keep believing that you are the most important person/influence on your child(ren) and keep up the good fight! God bless you and give you confidence/strength to keep going!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IsabelC Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 :grouphug: Sorry your child hurt you, it's really hard. My sn child has several times come out with things that were really hurtful. The worst one that comes to mind was "I want to watch you die. Then I will cut up your body, put it down the toilet and do a poo on it". I probably don't need to tell you how I felt hearing that from a then 5yo! Obviously there are various things you can do to discourage your child from being like that, but the only thing I find helpful in dealing with my own feelings is to keep on repeating to myself that it is about him, it is not about me. It is also reassuring that my nt child doesn't say these things (although who knows what she'll be like when she's a teenager). Re your question about how much of it is due to sn and how much just child behaviour, I think that you can do something about it either way. My son is not able to exercise empathy as a normal child can, however he can still understand that certain things are not acceptable. Most things he can understand the reasons why he is being asked not to do them, but sometimes he just has to accept that something is not on, even though he can't see what's wrong with it. Can you set up some boundaries that are appropriate to your daughter's age and mental capacity? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheryl Posted September 9, 2009 Author Share Posted September 9, 2009 Honestly, you'd think that because I'm a first time older Mom I'd know better, but it just hurts. THANK YOU for sharing your stories. I can tell you that my 10 yo s/n dd has behaved/spoken in EACH way EACH one of you addressed regarding your own ds/dd. I APPRECIATE the pep talks which are wonderful reminders! It means much to me to have that support. :grouphug: Sheryl <>< Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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