Divorce advise?

[Kelli in TN]

I need to gather a little information about divorce.

 

In the case of a couple with no children when one party wants the divorce and the other does not, is there anything the opposing party can do to slow down the proceedings? Also can the opposing party require marriage counseling before the divorce is filed? If the opposing party is still residing in the couple's house (the party who wants the divorce left the property), how long would it be before that party must vacate the house if the filing party is going to receive the house in the settlement?

 

This would be in Tennessee. No lawyer yet, just trying to get ducks in a row before the lawyers get involved.

[Old Dominion Heather]

Kelli,

 

When my parents divorced in VA, I think it was after a year of living seperately that the person who wanted a divorce could file and get one whether the other party wanted one or not.

 

If the party who doesn't want the divorce has moved out of his/her house, I strongly suggest that they move back in and tell the party who wants the divorce to do what he/she wants. I think the person who wants to stay together should get to stay in the same place.

 

I think people would say not to bend over backward to help the person who wants out, but also, don't actively obstruct, you know?

 

Sending you a PM.

[Kelli in TN]

Kelli,

 

When my parents divorced in VA, I think it was after a year of living seperately that the person who wanted a divorce could file and get one whether the other party wanted one or not.

 

If the party who doesn't want the divorce has moved out of his/her house, I strongly suggest that they move back in and tell the party who wants the divorce to do what he/she wants. I think the person who wants to stay together should get to stay in the same place.

 

I think people would say not to bend over backward to help the person who wants out, but also, don't actively obstruct, you know?

 

Sending you a PM.

 

With these friends, the party pursuing the divorce left the house a few weeks ago. The party pursuing reconciliation is still in the house. The party that wants reconciliation has no interest in keeping the house, but does need a little time to find a place to live if the divorce does indeed become final.

[kalanamak]

I need to gather a little information about divorce.

 

In the case of a couple with no children when one party wants the divorce and the other does not, is there anything the opposing party can do to slow down the proceedings?

 

As an ex-member of a marriage fitting that bill, I would encourage the hopeful half to set a time limit. I waited 6 years, although we were in the same house. What a waste of time. It was one time my optimism and "can-do" mentality turned around and bit me.

 

I would also encourage the hopeful party to get some advice from a trusted but impartial outsider....someone he or she would believe. I never did, and I wish I had.

[ConnieB]

For the issues that you have inquired, the laws of each state are going to be different.....sometimes in little ways, quite often in very differing ways. And to make it more complicated each county within a state may have their own way of enforcing/interpreting the law (often the laws are rather vague making this even more prevelant). And to further make answering your question difficult, even within the same courthouse there could be two different Family/Domestic Law attorneys who each put a little different spin on how they'll rule.

 

(below I have said "she" even though you studiously avoided giving a gender....I do it for ease of conversation, and because sadly, most times it's the guy that leaves and the gal who doesn't want it. My recommendation would be the same if you subsituted he for she below).

 

For all those reasons, I strongly urge you to have your friend contact an attorney for a FREE consultation. I recommend she call a "certified" family/domestic attorney. Not only will these attorneys be up to date on the latest laws in her area, but they will know the individual Judges and how they are likely to rule as well. Sometimes these consultations are in person, often you can get these types of questions answered over the phone. She isn't obligated to hire that or any attorney. By seeking advice she is NOT condoning divorce or even making overtures that she wants the divorce....she is simply being prudent and wise to be sure that she is aware of her legal rights....and her legal duties. And she needs to know them well....it's not unusual for him to pressure her, or give her inaccurate information about what he can or can't do.......and she must know the difference or she can be hurt, financially and emotionally. If she's not wanting the divorce, it will also be hard for her not to continue to trust everything he tells her is "for her own good", and it rarely is in this situation. In fact, because she does want to get back together, it's more likely that she'll do as he demands in the hopes it will win him back, when in fact, it can backfire on her big time. If she's not sure how to find a certified attorney, she should contact the TN State Bar for a referral or two. Again, these consultations should be free to discuss the law and her rights in general terms.

 

Not wanting a divorce is fine, but not being prepared with the knowledge she needs to protect herself can have consequences even more devasting than the threat of divorce.

[Kelli in TN]

Great advice, thanks to all of you. I think the party pursuing reconciliation was looking to buy time, a few months perhaps. Certainly not years. This party has a counselor, a very good impartial counselor. The party figures this is prudent whether reconciliation becomes a possibility (to smooth that and make it successful) or divorce is the reality (to cope). I was not aware that lawyers gave free consultations and I will pass this information along to my friend!!

[Danestress]

It looks to me like you can get a divorce in TN only after two years of separation unless one party abandoned the other, in which case there is a one year wait. Your friend might want to ask about that. Look here: http://www.womansdivorce.com/tennessee.htm.

 

 

Incidentally, my husband is a family law attorney (alas, not in TN) and I honestly don't know any family law attorneys who give free consultations. Other types of attorneys sometimes do because they take cases on contingency (ie, if I represent you in a lawsuit against the grocery store where you slipped and fell, I don't charge you for the representation, but I do take an agreed to portion of any award you win). For various reasons, family law attorneys don't take cases on contingency. Most of them honestly don't want clients who can't afford the relatively small fee for a consult. Your friend might luck out, but I wouldn't want her to think this is standard.

[ConnieB]

It looks to me like you can get a divorce in TN only after two years of separation unless one party abandoned the other, in which case there is a one year wait. Your friend might want to ask about that. Look here: http://www.womansdivorce.com/tennessee.htm.

 

 

Incidentally, my husband is a family law attorney (alas, not in TN) and I honestly don't know any family law attorneys who give free consultations. Other types of attorneys sometimes do because they take cases on contingency (ie, if I represent you in a lawsuit against the grocery store where you slipped and fell, I don't charge you for the representation, but I do take an agreed to portion of any award you win). For various reasons, family law attorneys don't take cases on contingency. Most of them honestly don't want clients who can't afford the relatively small fee for a consult. Your friend might luck out, but I wouldn't want her to think this is standard.

 

Before kids I was a Certified Family Law attorney in two different states, and non-certified in a third.....it was absolutely the norm to give a free consultation. So maybe some states do some don't I guess. Open the phone book and look up attorney/lawyer and those free constulations will scream at ya, lol.

 

Just because you want a free consultation does not mean you can't afford to pay....a wise consumer will want to interview several attorneys before hiring one. I would never hire an attorney that required me to pay for an initial consultation. And even if you were the stay-at-home wife and therefore didn't have an income to pay, and perhaps DH had already removed you from the bank accounts, didn't mean that I wouldn't take the case. In the states that I practiced it was very common to be awarded fees paid by the other party, as they were the bread winner and/or asset holder. This request was always made in the first petition....for a source for funding ongoing attorney fees. It wasn't unusual for the Judge to award fees for both sides equally from a particular bank account, or for an asset (stock was common) to be sold to begin the funding. Imagine how unfair it would be if because you and your spouse had originally agreed that you'd stay home to care for (homeschool even) the children and now he's the only one with an income and now no attorney will take your case because you have no income! Wow....there'd be a lot of homeless moms and kids because the DH would have an attorney and mom would barely be able to keep up with what was going on. We also had a lot of families that didn't have a lot of disposable income especially when suddenly there were two households to support. Sometimes you had to get creative about where your fees would come, and often you got some monies up front, and a payment plan going, with final settlement to include sale of assets to pay both attorneys.

 

Of course, at the free consultation don't expect a lot of case specific information....but the OP's friend needs general information about the laws in her state/county. In the three states I practiced it was also common for the larger firms to give seminars about divorce (also free).....explaining how to protect yourself if you're the one leaving, or the one staying.....and for the states that have child support calculations we used to give them a lot of examples of the range for the amount of support they could expect. THe one state where child support was not a set calculation of course that didn't work, but we did discuss the different things that Judges look at in determining support. A lot of people, ok, mainly woman, want information to be sure that they'll be ok after they leave....and support, custody and whether they'll be forced out of the house are the biggest questions. Check with your state bar as they typically have a listing of these workshop/seminars.

 

Ok, decided to do a little searching......here are links to attorneys that provide a free divorce consultation in Tennessee.....don't know anything about these attorneys so not recommending them, just wanting to show that you can get a free consult. Also didn't delve in to see if they were certified or not. Their websites have a lot of information that might answer some of your friend's questions too:

 

http://www.memphisattorney.com/PracticeAreas/Divorce.asp

 

http://www.lawyers.com/Divorce/Tennessee/All-Cities/law-firms.html?rs=1&nbm=1&ac=a9&N=4294967280 This lists 99 firms that offer free consultations all over Tennessee.

 

http://www.davidwaldrop.com/ He offers free 30 minute consultation....so you'd want to go in with a list of questions so you don't ramble, lol. I never scheduled initial appointments for less than an hour. Since I considered the consultation my interview for them to hire me, I never wanted them to feel rushed or that I had more important things to do then attend to them.

 

http://www.williamsandschwalb.com/CustomPage.shtml

 

ok, that should be enough to get you started. Incidentally, my search was for "TN divorce free consult". Came up with many questionable looking websites, but also a lot more that appeared to be actual law offices not some referral services or whatever. Open up your phone book and I'm sure you'll find even more.