How much would you/do you sacrifice for an extremely talented child?

[camibami]

Often I think the biggest "gift" a child like mine has is the motivation to want to work hard and practice the many hours necessary...not every child would

 

I have found this to be true, also. Other kids with the same coach/teachers, same gym/music school/dance school, but more hours (in some cases, twice as many!) don't progress as rapidly, because it isn't a "fire" with them. There is natural talent for some, but often nothing but drive, drive, drive. That is it in our case, for sure.

 

And there-in lies the rub, because with all the hours she ever wanted, WHAT could she do???

 

I need to win the lottery. Of course, I need to buy a ticket first, LOL.

[joannqn]

Would you be willing to move to an area with the best instructors? Separate the family for periods of time if everyone couldn't move? Drive hours and hours? What would you give up to be able to pay for it all? What factors would you include in your decision?

 

I'd consider the good of the entire family. I know a family who had an exceptionally good gymnast. She had a bad fall, resulting in a compound fracture complete with surgery and occupational therapy. Rather than jumping back into the sport when she was healed, she just quit. Just like that. All of those years, hours, and money spent suddenly meant nothing.

 

My 7 year old is showing great talent for taekwondo. He's expected to get his black belt by age 9, or age 10 at the latest. He really loves it and is one of the most disciplined kids they have. He goes to classes 10 hours a week and would do more if we let him. He practices at home, while walking through the grocery store, at the park. He wants to learn Korean and travel to Korea. He wants to teach. We limit him to the 10 hours a week...any more would interfere with our family time. The school wants him on their demo team but that requires that he attend practice every Saturday from 12pm to 3pm, eliminating any hope of having any family outings. We said no. The school is always asking us to put him in extra tournaments but due to time and money, we limit him to two per year and we are firm on that.

 

When he is old enough to get a job and drive, he can reconsider the demo team, extra practice, and as many tournaments as he wants...but I'm not going to make the whole family sacrifice for one member.

[Michelle in AL]

Hi Donna, I have one dd who is musically gifted (at least we as her parents think so ;) ). Here's the path we've taken and what I've been willing to do.

 

She took violin lessons since she was 4yr. When we moved, there were no local violin teachers, so I drove her to one an hour away once a week. That same teacher started a children's orchestra which we did instead of lessons once a week. Check your local or nearest orchestra for teachers and youth orchestras.

 

A few yrs back my FIL became very sick. We cut lessons back to one hr every other week. This is as much as I was able to do. Driving everyone back and forth makes me tired.

 

Last yr she learned guitar and has really taken off.

 

Now she's teaching herself piano and wants to do that too :001_huh:

 

Here's what we have now:

Violin one hr lesson every other week (out of town).

Guitar lesson 45 min/week (local)

Contemporary youth band at church twice/week

Piano on her own, may add in lessons this fall

 

Music is so much easier to find somewhere close. I figure when she's around 16 she can start teaching lessons and maybe play for weddings.

 

She's also starting a Fellowship for Christian Musicians group with some of her friends.

 

We fit it all in. I still take care of my FIL, make time for my other dd and her interests and I work 2/hrs per day.

[laughing lioness]

Have you read "My name is Asher Lev" by Chaim Potok. Very interesting look at sacrifices made for an exceptionally gifted person. Of course, it's fiction, but it's an interesting discussion.

I think about the gymnast who got a perfect "10" on the horse (what was her name??) and won the gold at the Olympics. She had moved away from her family when she was very young, developed arthritis early but has had, in many ways, a "perfect life." But I remember watching her mom being interviewed and how she said she felt cheated from sharing in her dd's life because she was, basically, raised by others from about 11 on and then was a superstar from 15 on.

For our family, we consider this question from a faith perspective as well (which the Asher Lev book addresses). Our kids have been approached about modeling on more than one occaision but my dh is ardently opposed to the life-style and consequences of that profession, as a direct result of our faith.

Edited June 17, 2009 by laughing lioness

[IsabelC]

If one of my children were in that situation I would assist as much as possible as long as it didn't compromise the health and happiness of the rest of the family. If the child is really so driven to do gym (or whatever) and it isn't the parents being pushy, then she would find a way to do it as long as we didn't actively discourage or prevent it.

 

AFAIK there are not that many children who genuinely want to give up everything to follow The Dream. Some children say that in interviews, but look at their sad little faces and the scary looking mom/dad standing behind and you can see that they have probably been subject to threats of guilt, shame or worse until they think they are no good if they don't win. I'm not saying that's always the case, just that it too often is. You only have to look at the number of elite athletes who risk their health and reputation with drugs to see that this is so.

 

Most children, if given a real honest choice, will prefer to live with their parents and do normal kid stuff with their siblings or friends. If I did have child who was one of the few, I would be sure to teach her well that winning isn't everything, giving is more important than getting, and so on. While I would be fine with accepting some inconvenience to further their dreams, I hope my children wouldn't expect me to make real hard sacrifices.