Blueridge Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 (edited) Well, it seems as if I have *done it now*. I harbored (out of discretion) many thoughts about the rotten experiences I had with another lady (I'll call her my former friend for clarity). I was very wounded by this person and it was never resolved. It cannot be, because that's just the way she is. Perfect. Manipulative. Dangerous. ;) For two years I have shared it with no one. 2 weeks ago I had a long talk with another dear friend, and because the discussion involved a wonderful lady who is friends with the 'former friend'...clear as mud :confused:...I felt I had to share a small bit of detail to protect/explain myself. Bad idea. My dear friend is good as gold, but not always discrete, because she is so open and trusting. I feel like I let everyone down. She felt completely transparent about sharing the things we spoke of in private to the lady (concerning her friend, my former friend). I do not know how to make this all right. I feel as though, any day, my phone will ring and I will have to justify myself. It all looks like gossip. I did not mean it as so, but there it is. I feel awful. I wanted to forget the whole nasty experience but it is now in front of my face. I don't know if I should apologize for being honest or keep trying to explain (and believe me, it is impossible to explain). So far I'm just hiding. Suggestions? I've already tried chocolate. Edited May 20, 2009 by Blueridge rewording Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 I'm not 100% sure what to think based on your description. Has the former friend said anything to you? Are you just waiting for someone to say something? I think I would continue to wait and see if it gets brought up. Perhaps less than you think was repeated, so there may be less damage control to do. Use this time to find a diplomatic way to apologize if necessary. I have been in your position too and it is sooo uncomfortable! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PineFarmMom Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 As for the ex-friend, if she doesn't call you, I'd let it go...you don't really want her for a friend anyway and she is unable to see her faults, so it's pointless to worry about. If she does, I'd calmly apologize for speaking about her in a gossipy nature...just an apology and not a plea for forgiveness...just taking ownership of your wrong. All that you said may have been true, but it was the speaking it to a common acquaintance that made it wrong on your part. As for the other lady, she may be as good as gold, but you now have a boundary with her as to what can and cannot be spoken to her. If ex-friend is really as toxic as she sounds, you probably won't need to explain yourself anyway...the other lady will figure it out on her own. I find that any time I try to explain myself, for another person to understand my motives, it winds up making me look like I'm not really sure of myself in the first place, kwim? I'm not saying I don't do it at times, just that it does make a person appear to be less sure of themselves. It's probably going to blow over anyway...are there other people who might wind up being involved also, because of this? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 So No-Discretion friend shared the details about your Former Friend with Wonderful Lady? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blueridge Posted May 20, 2009 Author Share Posted May 20, 2009 (edited) nt Edited May 20, 2009 by Blueridge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blueridge Posted May 20, 2009 Author Share Posted May 20, 2009 (edited) So No-Discretion friend shared the details about your Former Friend with Wonderful Lady? Yes, I'm afraid so. They were talking about a new group idea for the 3 of us and I could not be there. I want to be in that group! I cannot be if the former friend wants to participate, so that is why my friend shared the details. Just a gross situation. Thank you for the input. I will be calm and quiet and perhaps the whole thing will not become an issue after all. Sometimes it's hard having friends (although I am so thankful for them) because of all the dynamics involved. So for now I am going to :chillpill:. Thanks again. Edited May 20, 2009 by Blueridge combining posts Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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