How do you "switch your focus" to child #2?

[JennifersLost]

I hope you all understand what I mean.

 

My oldest child is 16. He is heading in a technical direction (computer programming, website design, etc.) and has little energy and patience now for history/language/writing, etc. I have set up certain goals and expectations for him and it is going okay.

 

But I've realized that this child has consumed a LOT of my energy over the years. He's my groundbreaker. I always have to come up with new curriculum and plans for him. The next two kids get way less attention from me.

 

My rising ninth grader is a much more literary kid. He wants to be a writer so history and literature, and languages are more up his alley. He like traditional models of schooling and I feel like he could have a blast with the great books, etc, if his older brother didn't have such a negative attitude about them and if I was focusing on him more.

 

But it feels strange to pull back from the oldest and switch my focus, do you know what I mean? Is it okay? Can I just fast-track the oldest toward graduation and spend more time with the next child?

 

I can't even put this feeling exactly in words,so I hope you all can intuitively "get it". I would like to really challenge and give my second son the education I hoped to give to all of them. It's not that I'm short-changing the first son - it's just that his interests lie elsewhere. I think my second son will take the literary/history stuff much further.

 

Help.

[Cinder]

You're describing just what's happening here. Ds1 will be in 9th next year and we're looking at sending him to private school. In the long process of trying to decide what to do with him for high school I realized I haven't given ds2 (11yo) enough time/attention. We initially thought of sending both boys to school but later realized that while ds1 is ready to go, ds2 isn't. With the decision to send ds1 to school I'm now putting a lot of thought and time into figuring out what to focus on with ds2. He has different gifts, different needs.

 

So, yes, it did seem a little strange at first to consider my curriculum choices based on ds2 when for all these years he just tagged along with ds1. I think it's a good thing for him (especially since he's the middle child). It did take awhile before I felt comfortable with the shift in focus, but now it feels right for us.

 

Sounds like you've really thought your situation through and are making choices that are right for your family. I hope you'll find peace in your decision.

 

Cinder

[JennifersLost]

Thanks - that does sound similar.

 

Interestingly, because I was thinking about this today, I had a discussion with ds#2 about not letting ds#1's attitude about history and literature taint his attitude about those things. I told him that as a writer, he should enjoy history and literature and that ds#1 just had different interests.

 

The minute I put that into words, ds#2 had a ton of things to say about history, books, what he's read/studied so far and what he'd like to study. Then he spent a long time talking to me about the novel he's currently writing and all his plans for it. We had the best conversation we've had in a long time.

 

This might be great for all of us.

[LoriM]

My two daughters are very different. One is a senior in college (she graduates in December) and the other is a freshman (dual-enrolled while still in high school) in college (who will graduate from high school in 2011). Once my older daughter entered the dual-enrollment program, I was able to make that "switch" that you are talking about. And I quickly realized that all the high school reading, writing and assorted assessment devices I'd used for my older daughter wouldn't naturally fit my younger daughter. :) I had to reinvent the wheel in a lot of areas, and at the very least, open up the conversation with her that *her* high school experience would not exactly match her sister's high school experience. I wanted her to know that I had NO expectation to graduate two identical graduates, and that I wanted to make sure she studied broadly and generally, but in the direction that supported her future plans and current interests. So, she's added drama, much more Shakespeare, lots of European history focus, more art history, more music, and more modern fiction. She writes about half as many papers as my older child did, but does twice as many projects. We talk more, and at odder hours. :)

 

Ironically, she's done less math, even though math is easier for her. I had to push so hard with my older daughter (who believed she was bad at math) that it's funny to me that my math-gifted child has been satisfied with Pre-Calculus at home. (Of course, she's only 16, so there's time, there's time--in my best Mary Poppins' voice.)

 

I have to say I've enjoyed them differently too. More relaxed this time around, more "observant" than "administrative" if you can understand that.

 

It's a joy. Both times. And I'm sad to see it approaching an end. My 16yo successfully navigated her five CC classes this semester with nearly no input from me (much easier than her older sibling did), and landed four A's and one B. So, I think she believes she is a college student now (grin), and the amount of "extra stuff" I get to ask for may be diminishing rapidly. Just as it should...

[Piano&ViolinMom]

the other is a freshman (dual-enrolled while still in high school) in college (who will graduate from high school in 2011)....... Ironically, she's done less math, even though math is easier for her.

 

Is she a sophomore? If so, she has 2 more years in high school. She has plenty of time to do several more math courses beyond Pre-Calculus, if she chooses to do math. Nice to hear she is enjoying many non-math courses at this time being.

[LoriM]

Is she a sophomore? If so, she has 2 more years in high school. She has plenty of time to do several more math courses beyond Pre-Calculus, if she chooses to do math. Nice to hear she is enjoying many non-math courses at this time being.

 

Well, we keep a non-traditional calendar, so she doesn't have a "sophomore" rating at home. But she is only 16 years old, so we won't graduate her until she is 18, and perhaps closer to 19, depending on how much progress she's made toward her university goals. So, yes, she has plenty of time to do more math. She's planning to do some Trig this summer, and perhaps a good general Algebra and Geometry review for her fall ACT test. And she'll take a minimum of College Algebra at the CC, but perhaps I can convince her to go ahead and give PreCalc and even Calc I a try at the CC. A lot will depend on how she decides to spend her time in the next couple of years. She's planning an extended mission trip (4-6 months) next year, and considering what courses of study are most beneficial to that end.

 

I only mentioned the math because it's the running joke around here since I'm a mathematician. :) She's got lots of time to study LOTS of things, not just math! It just seems to go by very fast in these last couple of years of high school.

[Piano&ViolinMom]

Well, we keep a non-traditional calendar, so she doesn't have a "sophomore" rating at home. But she is only 16 years old, so we won't graduate her until she is 18, and perhaps closer to 19, depending on how much progress she's made toward her university goals.

 

 

Oh, I see. That's why you mentioned "2011".

 

And she'll take a minimum of College Algebra at the CC, but perhaps I can convince her to go ahead and give PreCalc and even Calc I a try at the CC.

 

If she has done Pre-Cal but without Trig, surely she should do Trig part. I am not sure why she needs to go through College Algebra unless she really wants review her previous knowlege. Just go after Calculus 1, 2, and 3 way.

 

I only mentioned the math because it's the running joke around here since I'm a mathematician. :) She's got lots of time to study LOTS of things, not just math!

 

Yes, she has lots of time to do many things (, not just math). I wonder how other people manage kids to keep them in high schooling if their dc excel too quick.