sassenach
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Posts posted by sassenach
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On 3/22/2024 at 3:00 PM, catz said:
I spent some time volunteering in a research hospital with a lot of cancer patients. And social workers always encouraged people to use accurate language with children at their level, whether it was a child that was a patient or a parent or grandparent. That doesn't mean deep detail. That means age level overview. Children don't have the stigma associated with the language that adults do. That allows parents to set the tone and narrative. Because people slip. If they don't hear the C word from you, they may accidently hear it from a well meaning neighbor, church goer, schoolmate, grandparent, uncle, doctor, medic during an emergency. Kids aren't dumb.
Obviously, families are going to vary on approach. A particularly anxious child may need a different approach than another. But I absolutely think it is healthy that kids are told factual, age appropriate information while given plenty of space to process and trying to hold on to some pieces of normalacy. Withholding from a young adult not living at home is different than withholding long term from a child who sees changes and differences day to day who might not feel they can talk about it. American Cancer Society has good resources on talking about a diagnosis with kids.
Just a total aside, but I work in pediatric oncology and have been stunned by the number of parents who try to hide a child's diagnosis from the child. And I'm not talking little guys, I'm talking 8, 12, 14 year olds. It never works and always creates a huge amount of distrust and resentment from the child. The medical teams greatly discourage it, but some parents have a very hard time consenting to the child being told. As a nurse, I'm not part of those discussions but I don't think it should be an option, personally. We're coming into rooms all gowned up to hang chemo and telling a 14yo that it's "special medicine" like they can't google the medication.
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Tbh, I would find it quite strange to not allow a 7th grader to be home alone for a few hours. IMO you’ve overshot the line by a couple of years.
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14 hours ago, Terabith said:
After our experience starting a charity focused on asylum seekers and refugees, I totally understand how donations can definitely be the second wave of any disaster. The amount of time it required to sort through donations and what was useful was a LOT. It was pretty overwhelming.
People get SO offended when I point that out. When we had fires up here, a local homeschool group started collecting all sorts of donations, including stuffed animals. I tried to temper it but then I became the bad guy because they were “just trying to help.”
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I have a a figure it out kid who is ridiculously self-motivated. I have another kid who wants everything spoon fed (and a couple of kids that are somewhere in-between). I consider it one of my parenting failures that I bailed the second kid out way too often. They needed to figure it out far more than I made them, mostly because they were willing to whine and I had a low tolerance for seeing my kids struggle. As a young adult, I am seeing the consequences of this and I consider this kid to have fallen behind in maturity and launching.
IMO, figure it out is basically equivalent to grit. Dh and I are very, very gritty. We don't give up. That is not equivalent to never asking for help but it does imply that one will at least try to work things out on their own and use their resources. Is asking for help a resource? Absolutely. But there is appropriate asking for help and inappropriate. Example: One of my children has a classmate that relies exclusively on his mother and fellow classmates to help him fill out paperwork and get signed up for necessary things. He's a really smart kid and fully capable of doing this himself. This kid failed to fill out important paperwork for clinical placement and was shocked to miss the first day. That's a problem. Fully functioning adults need to file their taxes and do a million other things that require them to take the first step to figure sh*t out.
So it's a little of both. It's not a problem to ask for help but it's also really, really important to have the skill of figuring it out.
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13 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said:
One more thing—if you think you are going to be bouncing in and out of the hospital—I kept bags packed in the front closet for years. We check out books online through Libby, keep movies and shows downloaded on Netflix, two of mine have spotify accounts and backup phone batteries….but those bags always have a bar of chocolate, a deck of cards, or a sketchpad + colored pencils….something hands on to do when we needed to get out of our thoughts.
I've been hitting the audiobooks hard this stay.
Sleep suggestion- the Calm app has "Sleep Stories" that have been a God send for me. They help drown out the hospital noise and help me to fall asleep.
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We are discharging today after a 2 week stay. Our longest stay was 5 weeks. I am also a peds oncology nurse, so I work with a lot of families that are in the hospital for weeks and months. The scrolling is inevitable. I try and bring meaningful things to work on but despite having lots of "free" time, I am rarely successful at doing anything of substance while we are here. Dh and I have worked out a pattern of him bringing me Starbucks for breakfast every morning (this is a luxury) and then I will often run home for a rest and shower while DH works from the hospital. I do most of the overnights because DH has an injured back and I don't think he would survive the sleeper chair. I would like to stick with one patient and not 2.
Try to eat and drink. Ask the nurses for a food tray (they may be able to provide one, depending on the facility). Try to walk outdoors once a day. Let your dh do what he can. It can be hard to leave the hospital, especially if you feel like the more medically capable parent, but for your own self care, you need to take breaks. Let people bring you food. I do a lot of phone calls. It helps me pass the time.
Praying for answers and healing for your daughter.
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Update us when you can, Faith. I'm a wee bit concerned!
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I just had a CO poisoning patient today. Did they check troponins? It would have been a blood draw. CO toxicity can cause myocardial damage, which would be my biggest concern.
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8 hours ago, Insertcreativenamehere said:
I'd choose somewhere with moderate weather. Four seasons are fine, just not a super long/cold/snowy winter.
Having a disabled child, we'd also need somewhere with adequate supports for him. There are very few states that have the same or greater level of support as our current location, so there are not a lot of options. Possibly Colorado. I do like Colorado Springs.
I'd also love a place with lots of outdoor activities - hiking, running, etc. - but also within easy driving/flying distance to our current location because of aging parents/college kids.
I’m curious what state you are in. I’m in California and it feels unbeatable for its disability support.
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There was also a whole lead-in video where he talked about how much the song meant to him and why he chose to record it. That segment was my favorite part of the night.
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11 minutes ago, Katy said:
Does he have a fever or any other symptoms than the rash and mild sore throat? If not I would wait until morning and go to the on-campus clinic. It could be strep. It could be seasonal allergies and hives. I doubt it’s dangerous unless there’s more going on than that, certainly not ER worthy.
I agree, this is not ER worthy as it stands. I would also not send a sensitive kid to the ER for a non-ER worthy issue for fear of losing my credibility in the future with something actually ER worthy. Any way you can get a thermometer delivered to him? Shipt, postmates, and Whole Foods should all be able to do that.
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Things I love that are only found at TJs:
Jalapeno Artichoke dip (eat with tortilla chips)
Slightly coated dark chocolate almonds (a sweet treat without a ton of sugar)
Unexpected Cheddar
Jalapeño sauce (amazing on eggs)
Brown sugar oat milk creamer
Everything but the Bagel seasoning
21 Seasoning Salute (thee best on roasted veggies)
Everyday Seasoning
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Purewick is the closest thing we have to a condom cath for women. It sounds like the best combo would be purewick at home and briefs while up in the chair. It may be time for her to have more help than assisted living can offer if she is sitting in soiled briefs for long periods of time. For her wounds, is she seeing a wound care nurse? They might be able to suggest barrier creams to help her skin keep from breaking down. Destin Max is a favorite on my floor. Alternatively, something like cavalon could be applied to intact skin as a protectant (but my only experience is with peds and I would want someone who has experience with elderly skin to sign off on that). If it gets to the point that you need to revisit placing a Foley catheter, I wonder if she could be given an antispasmodic to help tamp down on those bladder spasms (ouch! I can't imagine pushing the balloon out).
Sorry there are no easy answers. Things get so tricky at this stage.
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4 hours ago, Farrar said:
25, married. Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, baby! Thank you, Regis for that downpayment.
What?! That's so cool. I love Regis, RIP.
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I was 24. Then we relocated/housing crash/yada yada and didn't own again until I was 36.
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My grandson repeats himself until you say the sentence back to him. I think it's just a language acquisition quirk. He's a bit younger, though.
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Sad! The exterior of my home is Kelly Moore.
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I lived with my mom for the first kid and across the country for the rest. For the first, I was still living like a teen (I was 17) so it’s not like I was running a household. She helped with dd but not overly so. My dad used to love taking dd for the early morning shift, which looking back was sweeter than I appreciated. My second was in the hospital for a month and my mom came out when we brought him home. For the other kids, she came out when dh went back to work at 2-4 weeks. She was huge in the wrangling older kids department and laundry/cooking/cleaning. I was pretty independent with newborn care, even with the first. My mom is super great at being a help without being overly intrusive. She was always easy to have around.
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Do it! Your family is already used to having one parent in college, so I'm guessing a little switcheroo between you and dh will be totally fine. I have this deep belief that when a hs mom goes back to school, it's almost always easier than expected because hsing is so demanding and requires so much of us, the transfer over to our own education is either lateral or lighter than what we've been doing for years (the exception being those who are adding college in addition to hsing, you crazy people).
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1 hour ago, Brittany1116 said:
Here, phlebotomy is several months, but the others you listed are 18m to 3 years, plus exams.
CNA is 5 weeks in California.
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10 hours ago, dirty ethel rackham said:
I wrapped up a gorgeous eggplant colored sweater from Quince for her for Christmas. I'm impressed with the quality and wish I had purchased a couple for myself. I had trouble finding a color I wanted. (other than the eggplant color) because they all seem to be in the warm/neutral palette, which looks terrible on me.
Thanks again for the suggestions!
Glad it worked out! They change out their colors seasonally. Circle back in the spring.
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So did the driver at first admit to drinking and then switch it? I would put 99% of my energy into my kids and about 1% into the guy. Alcohol will always be around but the good sense to not drink and drive is an internal issue. Your OP is way too focused on the kid and my guess is your kids can smell it so they’re deflecting onto him instead of taking responsibility for themselves.
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Hannah Coulter by Wendell Berry, which I suspect is not least shelved among the hive.
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8 minutes ago, Ottakee said:
That looks easy. Will we ruin it if we cook it until there is no more pink?
TBH, yes, I think you will. I'd be more apt to give it away and buy a chuck roast if you want to go that route.
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Kate Middleton
in The Chat Board
Posted
There's definitely that element. I live in a very multicultural area and have seen it several times with Arabic families and once with a Hispanic family. Interestingly, not with the asian families I have worked with. The common thread has been very patriarchal families, often with a dad who is taking on the largest inpatient presence. My armchair analysis is that the dad goes into shield mode and for a day or 2, thinks he can just handle the whole thing on his own. After a few days, the cracks start to show and they realize that it's not going to work. One dad was also trying to keep the mom out of the conversations for the first day or two, until it became clear to him that it wasn't going to work. I have a real heart for everyone involved. New diagnosis is a huge family crisis and people handle that in all sorts of ways.