Jump to content



  • Content Count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won


Posts posted by sassenach

  1. 1 minute ago, Carol in Cal. said:

    See, to me it’s not that far.  I go to and from the cabin right past it all the time.  If the roads are clear it only takes an hour to get to San Jose from there, and most work locations being further north and east from here would be a bit closer.  It’s super important (crucial!) to be able to avoid the bumper to bumper traffic on the Altamont Pass and in from there though for it to be even remotely reasonable, but there are toll roads now and if you can save a lot of money on a home, those might be worth it.  I don’t know how crowded or slow they are, though.

    Ya know, it really is all about perspective. I'm commuting to Antioch all summer, so I guess I shouldn't poo poo it!

    • Like 1
  2. 20 minutes ago, Carol in Cal. said:

    The houses that dropped by 3/4 were in Lathrop.  I had friends who moved out there and were thrilled to get an almost brand new house for half of the price that the prior owners had paid, only to watch it drop in half AGAIN.  Lathrop is a little further out than Tracy, but not much.  They were commuting to Milpitas, and that was back when it was almost impossible to get an employer to let you work remotely very much.  I think they drove in together, 3-4 times per week.  It was rough and then they ended up losing half the value of their house.  Very cautionary.  

    That happened to some friends of ours that moved out to Mountain House. Things really went sideways out there. I think at one point the city couldn't afford to keep street lights on at night.

  3. 15 hours ago, Arcadia said:


    To be fair, Campbell is part of South Bay in SF Bay Area, and the price is already on the low side.

    We were looking at this but I can’t drive and my teens have no desire to, plus it is a very long commute (54 miles in peak hour traffic) to work. Also it is by lottery after getting preapproved. No guarantees of getting the unit you want.

    “PRICED FROM $851,880

    HOME SIZE 3122 sq.ft.



    Tracy is way the heck out there.

  4. 1 hour ago, JumpyTheFrog said:

    Well, example two happened a week or two after we left. DS had a former teammate over to play this weekend and the boy told him about it. Example three happened during the last two weeks of being on the team. He had this coach for almost two years (minus time during lockdown), but it was one of those things where the situation got worse over time. It wasn't always quite like this.

    We had a situation like this where a coach that had worked with my son for 5 years took a turn into really over the top behavior in the name of discipline. The situation drifted over time and went from "I think we may have a problem" to crossing the line over the course of about 2 months. (end result was dh had to go to administration and the guy got fired). Don't beat yourself up about it.

    • Like 1
  5. 13 hours ago, ktgrok said:

    Where do people get that kind of cash??

    Our friends had like 200k in equity from the sale of their house but still couldn’t get a contract. Eventually, they had to borrow another 300k from their parents (who had by chance, just sold their home) so they could make an all cash offer. They refinanced to pay back the parents after the sale. It can get extra crazy in California. 

  6. 8 minutes ago, Kanin said:

    We appreciate having first crack at it. The house is okay. If it weren't a housing bubble, we'd buy something very different. Just wish it wasn't under such pressure. We won't even know what it's appraised for before we have to agree to pay for it. We might be okay with the appraised value, or not, but the not knowing scares me. 

    This whole situation is hard. I'm sorry that people above are being flippant about it. Anytime one's housing situation is suddenly threatened, that's a huge deal and SO stressful.

    I guess I would start by asking if you like the house and would want to own it. If so, then I like the advice above to counteroffer. Or if that doesn't work, you still have to qualify for the loan so maybe there's room to structure the contract in such a way that you can get out of it if you don't qualify for the loan of that size?


    • Like 4
  7. On 4/15/2021 at 10:43 AM, Kanin said:

    Apparently there was a pretty effective Lyme vaccine approved in 1998, but it was withdrawn after people didn't want to take it for fear of side effects. 




    I think a lyme vaccine would do better now with lyme becoming so much more of an issue (and more widely recognized). With global warming, lyme is at the top of my list.

    Vaccines targeting resistant bacteria would be pretty neat.


  8. I think there are 1) more locations to get vaccinated as time goes on, 2) an ebb and flow of appointments depending on supply, 3) demand is starting to dwindle because those who want it have gotten it.

    My county is very pro-vaccine and we're sitting at about 50% of the county with both shots and 70% with one. Two mega-sites just consolidated into one. I think we've got maybe a month or two before the mega-site is no longer necessary. DD, who has been working a mega site in Orange County, CA just had her contract extended through August. Just depends on the area.

    • Like 1
  9. 2 hours ago, Farrar said:

    I think it was a mistake to pause it unless there's more than meets the eye here. The risk hasn't been connected and is incredibly low. The pause is going to increase vaccine hesitancy. It's frustrating.

    I think if we look at it as only the number of cases connected to the number of total vaccinations, that's one thing. But taking into account that it's all young women...there are a whole lot less number of vaccinations in that group. Whether it makes vaccines look bad or not, they really must take a minute to analyze the data for safety's sake. 

    • Like 3
  10. On 4/9/2021 at 5:13 AM, Laura Corin said:


    I know that this doesn't put me in the best light, so please be gentle if you've go through all this.

    It doesn't put you in a bad light at all. This is the real stuff of taking care of aging parents. We're in the thick of it with my FIL right now. It's a duty. I think you're right about going on a work day and leaving your weekends untouched. Is there a treat that you really like nearby? I reward myself with a Starbucks sometimes when I go take care of FIL. 

    Things I give myself permission to do: Keep a visit short, skip a week, put boundaries on conversations

    • Like 4
    • Thanks 1
  11. 1 hour ago, JumpyTheFrog said:

    Sometimes I find myself thinking, "We better go visit all the countries and places in the next ten years. After that, we may be stuck being caregivers."

    I know group homes could be an option, but I don't think DH could actually stick his brother in one. Or, at the least, I'm not sure I'd feel right about it. How do you find one where the residents aren't being abused by the staff or each other?

    I think I need to convince DH to have a talk with MIL. They need to get us in on the loop in case of an  emergency. I have no idea if FIL is even capable of stepping up if something happens to MIL. 

    Group homes can actually be a very good experience for mild and moderately disabled adults. It sounds like he would be capable of communicating anything abusive. 

    Your remark about getting stuck with the bulk of the work- this is me with my FIL right now. I don't blame you for anticipating that. 

    • Like 2
    • Thanks 1
  12. 5 hours ago, ElizabethB said:

    I was between 120 to 135 starting 5 hours after the vaccine, the rest of the evening after that. I'm not sure if it's gone down this morning, the doctor said not to worry about it since her EKG was normal. This 120 to 135 was while lying in bed resting. She is feeling a bit better this morning but still has a few flu like symptoms.

    Yep, that's right where ds and I were sitting. He at 130 and I was more like 120's when I was awake. I dropped into the 90's when I was sleeping.

    • Like 2
  13. 5 hours ago, ElizabethB said:

    Just wanted to let everyone know, since that's listed as a "go to ER" symptom. Our daughter got a high heart rate and other normal flu like reactions 5 hours after the vaccine. She took it yesterday so we couldn't go to our doctor instead of the ER.

    The ER doctor said they've been seeing that symptom a lot, especially in younger patients. Interestingly, she also said that overall older patients seem to have less strong symptoms than the younger crowd. 

    Both Ds and I got mild tachycardia with our respective vaccines (Pfizer and Moderna) but I didn't think anything of it. It's a go-to reaction for both of our bodies so I just figured our immune system was working. Interestingly, I have a heart rate tracker and you could see the graph where my heart rate went from in the 90's in the middle of the night at about the 36hr mark and dropped into my normal low-70's. It was like a time stamp of when my immune system went back to normal post-vaccine.


    • Like 3
  14. 34 minutes ago, kand said:

    How did you each react to the first Moderna? I suppose I should probably look back to this thread because maybe you posted that. i’m looking for patterns of whether certain reactions to the first shot might predict better or worse reactions to the second.

    Mild to moderate joint aches and arm soreness. Nothing major. 

    I had the most significant first shot reaction in our family but I wouldn’t call it significant. 

    • Thanks 4
  15. Final tally of second dose reactions:


    me- BAD headache, fever, chills, muscle aches. Resolved after 36-48 hr. Felt off for a few more days. 
    ds- sore arm for one day. Otherwise fine. 


    dh: no reaction. Nada. 
    dd: slept for 18 hours. Felt good enough to go to the beach the next day. 
    ds: low grade fever for 36hr. He’s non-verbal so I don’t know how he specifically felt but I would say he didn’t look happy. We kept him on Tylenol until the 2nd day. Day 2 he woke up smiling. 

    • Like 6
    • Thanks 3
  16. 4 minutes ago, Bambam said:

    My dh had his second Pfizer vaccine. Probably 5-6 hours later started feeling off. Went to bed, bad chills/seriously bad shakes. Felt bad next 36-48 hours. Shaking episodes (very scary, like shaking bad enough that you can't take a drink because your hands cannot kee glass up to your mouth) off and on that entire time. Usually didn't last that long (5-30 minutes) but painful as it was muscles contracting/relaxing.  Then totally fine - said he felt better than he had in a while. 

    Oh wow, that sounds unpleasant!

  17. I think they're going to have to work their way through this over time. Neither person can make the other be in or out of relationship with the mom. Going through the Boundaries book together is an excellent idea. I, too, have taught my kids to spot toxic from a mile away and I can kind of imagine myself in this type of situation. All you can do is encourage them to make each other the priority and work through the rest as it comes. I think minimizing your input is a good idea. They will truly need to navigate this together as a team if it's going to work (says the lady with a very toxic MIL). 

    • Like 1
  18. 55 minutes ago, JumpyTheFrog said:

    How can parents spot toxic coaches, teachers, etc. who aren't so obvious? I mean, many of us have some idea of what grooming behavior looks like, so we can be on the lookout for that. And coaches who scream at people aren't very subtle. I am often suspicious of charming people because I've heard how psychopaths etc. can appear that way. So what about coaches who sound generally reasonable when talking to parents but have ridiculous expectations that lead to toxic behavior due to being coached by abusive coaches when they were children? For instance, competing on multiple broken bones? Or just laughing about the time as a kid when the coach made the team do sprints as punishment for multiple hours?

    Believe your kids. If they tell you something is happening, do not wait to see it for yourself. Have conversations about manipulative people, in general and those in power. I feel like my kids are amazing at spotting toxic people because we've had so many conversations about friends, classmates, or adults in which I pointed out unhealthy behavior and they were later able to spot it themselves.  Be present. You don't need to be a helicopter parent in order to be there enough to spot things. Drop in on practice occasionally. Volunteer. Be the driver.  Talk, talk, talk. My kids talk to me about so much. We have hours long conversations about interpersonal conflict. They have encountered more toxicity with peers than coaches or teachers, so that's been fertile ground for me to teach them how to set boundaries and spot unhealthy dynamics. 

    I'm sure there is more but this is what has popped to mind.

  • Create New...